Listen

It seems like there are so many people losing loved ones or maybe since I have lost the love of my life I seem to notice it more now. When you lose someone several things can happen...people can become awkward because they don't know what to say, people say too much without thinking how tactless they are or people you know and love ignore you because they are caught up in their own grief. These things happen because (in my opinion) people avoid talking about grief and death because they think it is taboo...if they acknowledge it it may happen to them. I came across this great poem while at my support group and it is so perfect that I want to share it with the world, so I hope you enjoy it!!

Listen

By: Fran Morgan

If I am pained and come to  you,

Before you speak, consider twice.

"Shoulds" and platitudes won't do

I want your ear, not your advice.

Just listen, friend, and try to hear

Beyond my words...(the stuff I hide)

The outward rage is Oh! so mere

Compared to all the hurt inside.

If you would only say to me,

"That must have been so hard for you."

Instead of tossing off a line like,

"Here's the thing that I would do..."

Tune in to how I feel, my friend,

And hear beyond the words I say.

At times my words may not describe

Emotions deep, held down at  bay.

These deeper feelings kept within

Are journeys words can't take you to

But travel past the things you hear,

Don't say, "Don't let it bother you"

Please try to listen with your heart

Don't seize this chance to criticize,

Or preach to me, or even start

With trite cliches that sermonize.

If you've not walked my lonely road

(I hope you never will, my friend)

Don't try to be my therapist

Or say it's time my grief should end.

Listen! Listen! Be a friend!

Command compassion to your ears

To sift the weight of words I say

And hear unspoken tears and fears

Most times your silence suits me fine,

Or weep with me, that's soothing, too.

To heal this broken heart of mine,

Just LISTEN when I talk to you.

This poem got me thinking about the people that I need to listen a little better too. It really can apply to anytime in life. I remember being told growing up that our Father in Heaven gave us two ears and one mouth, so obviously the ears are doubly important. I hope this poem is something you can carry with you and put to good use.

Why I Do What I Do

This post has been a long time coming...apparently it has been well over a year since I have lost posted something. Not that I haven't had anything to say but I have been busy adjusting to moving yet again and to life here in Utah...yes I said Utah. Yes I have moved 3 different times since Clint passed away 2 years ago, it has been very hard to find my place in this world without him. We have been in Utah for a year now and do love it here though I really miss my family. Anyways back to the post at hand...


I have been very observant lately of "grown up" who have come from single parent families and how much I hope and pray my kids don't turn out like some the people I have seen. Some people may not agree with my parenting but I am just carrying on with what Clint and I decided. Here are a few things that we work on in our house...


1. Take Responsibility- I have seen so many people in this world try to blame others for their circumstances and in all actuality everything that "happens to them" is their responsibility. So if my kids spill their milk they need to take responsibility for it and clean it up...Alizabeth tried to tell me that her cereal bowl spilled itself and tried to get out of cleaning it up but after a quick chat she realized that it was her fault and dealt with it. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and face the consequences to our actions.


2. Show Respect- this is one thing that drives me up the wall. Yes you have your opinion and you are entitled to your opinion but say it in a way that still shows respect to the person you are talking to. It seems to me that more and more people are disrespectful which causes so many problems. I think I say this at least 20 times a day "please be more respectful to your brother/sister". Respect is something that will be help them get ahead in this world.


3. Chores Without Pay- yeah ok so people need a work ethic right? So how are kids supposed to know how to work if they don't get any work. I know a lady who grew up with a house keeper and now as a grown woman hates that fact because she doesn't know how to keep a house. Why without pay? Well do I get paid to clean the house? Nope, not a cent. Everyone dirties the house so everyone can pitch in and get it clean...it helps my kids learn how to be a team player. 


4. Serve Others- Clint was very much into service. His dream was to be able to help people that couldn't afford Christmas presents, school clothes, or anything else that they may be struggling with. So we started early and got our kids into the habit of helping others. Their most favorite thing to do is make goodies and drop them off to people. It may seem like a small thing but it is the fact that they are learning to give. Clint always said "when your troubles are too hard to shoulder on your own, serve others and they will feel lighter".  I am also trying to teach them that serving others doesn't just have to happen outside of the home, if you can serve your siblings you can serve anybody.


5. Be an Example- I am pretty sure that I tell this to my kids every day as they walk out the door. I don't think it matters what religion you belong to, but you should always strive to be the best so that people will want to be like you. I remember the people growing up that have been examples to me and still to this day I want to do things to be like them and bring pride to their memories. 


Some days it feels like trying to get my kids to accomplish  these things may never happen because it is 4 against 1 but I hope that Clint is on the other side pushing them right along. I think if I can get them to master at least one of these things they will make a contribution to the world and make it a little brighter and we will see a ripple effect from it...them touching one person's life who touches another person and so on...I hope that maybe, just maybe if I happen to stay single all the rest of my life that people can look at my kids and say "Wow, they don't fit the "single parent home" mold". I know we have a ways to go but I have to keep telling myself it will be worth doing what I do!!