Well today is Mother's Day...not my most favorite holiday. In fact since becoming widowed, I have learned to treat this day as any other day. It has been hard because I don't have that special someone to make my day special, to cook for me, to take the kids to get me gifts, or to just plain give me a break. So needless to say I have had a pretty bad attitude today. I have had 3 different things come to me that as I processed them helped me to come to an ah-ha moment and actually feel better about this day and every other day.
So we went to church, which I was pretty much dreading, because all the kids were going to sing to all the Moms and my sweet little girl has been practicing the song all week long. She was just so excited that I couldn't not take her. I think the annoying thing about going to church is that you hear all this wonderful stuff about the super-moms out there and then go home feeling like a complete failure. Some days I am hanging on by a thread and I can't keep the peace between the kids, keep the house clean or even cook dinner so we just eat out again...and so it is kinda hard to listen to all the praise everyone is handing out. There I was thinking of all the things I do completely wrong when my Bishop said "if you don't feel like you are the best Mom or if you are thinking of all the things you do "wrong" (I swear its like he was reading my mind) then open your heart, soften it and try again tomorrow".
During my Bishop's talk I was talking to this great friend of mine (yes, bad April for texting during church) I think so highly of him...he is my go to person for pretty much everything...I am not sure he realizes how much he has helped me and how much I appreciate him. Anyways, I texted him and vented at him my thoughts and feelings about today and he said "Don't be so hard on yourself, if you need to eat out some/most/all days then do it. Forget about peace, you have kids...it is a myth. Just relax and hug your kids."
Finally the last thing that came to me today to help get to my ah-ha moment was the lyrics to a song that is sung at my church. It is called "Come, Come Ye Saints"
"Though hard to you this journey may appear, Grace shall be as your day."
By the second verse I was in tears.
"Why should we morn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell--
All is well! All is well!
Those words hit me hard...and tonight as I sat here pondering the things that have come to my mind it finally it me what my Heavenly Father has been trying to get through to me all day. I have been walking around Idaho with a bad attitude since I have moved back here. It is time to soften my heart, gird up my loins, fresh courage take, be easy on myself, relax and remember that God will never forsake me. For some reason He has sent me to Idaho and I need to be open so I can do what I was sent here to do and then I can move on with my life. Tomorrow is the start of a new day and a new attitude. I know things aren't going to be "perfect" but they will be EXACTLY as The Lord intended.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
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