As I was recovering from my surgery I had my birthday and it pretty much sucked. I was on a liquid diet and in pain so we didn’t do anything but that wasn’t the reason it sucked. It sucked because on this birthday I became the same age as Clint. That was NEVER supposed to happen he was ALWAYS supposed to be a year to two years older than me. It was so hard coming to the realization…I was going to out live him by a long shot…so needless to say I was pretty depressed. Thankfully my sisters were there to pick up my slack and try their hardest to get me out of that funk, I am eternally grateful for them.
A few weeks after my birthday passed I was talking with Jami about what we should do for her birthday. I decided that I was going to hang out with her for her birthday and that we had better do something fun. We came up with the BEST idea…watch a movie in the park!!! We were so excited, we planned to watch The Princess Bride and have tons of munchies for everyone, she invited everyone she knew and everything was set.
I arrived at her house a day early and we did our ritual bonding…shopping , pedicures and talking most of the night. The next day we shopped like crazy getting everything ready for her party. I brought two of my kids with me and she needed a babysitter and my AMAZING brother and sister-in-law agreed to watch them for us. I dropped off the kiddos and hurried to the park…I was running late and I had ALL of the munchies. I got there and there was already people there (hasn’t anyone heard of Mormon standard time!! Geeze!) . I started getting stuff out of my car and all of a sudden there is a man standing next to me who says “Is all of this for the party or do you always carry this much food in your trunk?” I started laughing and looked up and Oh.My.Gosh…it was Wid!!!!
OK a quick rundown on who this guy is: He is a really attractive widower who had taken Jami out on some dates and yes I will admit I started having a crush on him even though I had never talked to him.
Anyways…I told him everything was for the party and we quickly got it unloaded. We had a while until the movie started (we had to wait for the sun to go down) so Wid asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said sure let’s play some volleyball. I thought that was a safe choice for myself since I was better at volleyball than softball. We quickly got teams together and started playing and you will not believe what he did…HE TRASH TALKED ME!!! Oh yes he did so what did I do? I trash talked back!!! It was so funny, I love it when a guy will tease back and forth with me. We had a good time playing and sadly my team lost. I will admit I wasn’t playing to the best of my abilities because I had a huge pile of cow poop in my way that I didn’t want to step on because I was barefoot. I do believe a re-match is in order…
After that was over he decided he wanted to play softball…ugh…not my best sport remember!?! But being the trooper that I am I put on a smile and did my best. I will admit he rocked at this sport and I did OK, I actually hit the ball several times!!! I know I even shocked myself!! Wid even broke the bat, yeah he was up to bat and swung with all his might and…CRACK…there went the bat, it was pretty awesome!! I think maybe this year I will play on the church softball team so I can brush up on my skills.
Thankfully I was saved by the sunset, the sun finally started to go down so we put the baseball stuff away. Then the picture fest began, it is funny to me when you are at a function like this everyone has to take pictures. I think it was after the thousandth picture we finally were able to start the movie. I have to say if you have never watched a movie in the park you really need to, there is just something about it that makes it cool! I found a seat by Jami on her blanket and Wid sat with some other people. You know how when you like someone you wish they would sit by you, hold your hand or put their arms around you to warm you up? Yeah I had those thoughts during the whole movie, I don’t think I really paid attention to the movie. My mind was busy analyzing the night and thinking about the guy who had made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a LONG time.
The movie ended and he had to leave really fast because he had a long drive ahead of him to get back home. He squeezed my shoulder said goodbye then said goodbye to Jami and he was gone. The girly-girl in me started thinking of all the things we had in common, how much fun we had and when I could get back here to see him again. The common sense girl in me was saying there were better girls for him, don’t get attached to him, he is way out of your league, just be his friend, blah blah blah. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what is in store for your life and hope that maybe, just maybe someone like Wid will come your way and help you love life again.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Uh oh
I was just re-reading my last post and realized that a major part of what happened to me in Tijuana is missing!!! Somehow it got deleted...it is the section of what happened when I woke up from my surgery I am going to add it now, so go re-read that post before reading the next one I am going to put up here tonight! :)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tijuana here I come!!
Here are some things that you should know about me...obesity runs in my family, I used to be a toothpick when I got married but have 4 big children via c-section packed on weight and when I am under stress I am not one of the lucky ones that lose weight...I gain weight. It seems like I can just smell a doughnut and here comes 5 pounds. This is one of the things that I used to proclaim "wasn't fair" in my life and Clint would always counter "life is fair April...it just isn't equal" then I would usually roll my eyes and continue to fume inside (yes I have a bratty side). When I married Clint I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. As I continued to be happily married to him (while gaining weight) I knew that I was the luckiest girl in the world. Not once did he ever talk down to me because of the weight that I gained. He used to tell me "April it really doesn't matter, after we die our bodies will be restored to its perfect state. Then we will have eternity like that together, this is just a small bit of time, I love you just the way you are!!! Isn't that all that matters?"
At the time yes it was all that mattered, I was happy, in love and struggling to lose weight so I could be happy with myself. So one day we were talking with some friends and came up with and idea. I needed a tool that could help me lose weight and sustain my new weight to help keep the weight from coming back...we decided that one of these days I was going to get the Lap-Band. After Clint passed away I was at my highest weight ever and I didn't know what to do. When I moved to Idaho I realized a couple of things #1: that Clint had to love me for eternity but the next man doesn't have to and he won't want someone who looks like me...does that make sense? and #2: my children need me healthy because I am the only parent they have left. I did the Body for Life program and I even did the have HCG diet and both gave me results but when I was done the weight I had lost came back. I was talking to my friend Lucy and she again suggested the Lap-Band, gave me her Dr's name and number in Tijuana and I made the call. I looked at my calendar and realized that the best time for me to go to Tijuana was the day I got back from my cruise since I would already be in San Diego.
I was so excited about going but also pretty scared. At the time Tijuana was having MAJOR issues with drug lords and all of that stuff. People were getting kidnapped, shot at and mugged. I wasn't worried about getting kidnapped I mean come on...I am not the skinniest, prettiest girl in the world so no one would want to kidnap me. But I was worried about getting shot at and mugged, I was carrying a boat load of cash to pay for my procedure and I had 4 little ones at home that would miss me but I prayed and felt OK about going. My Dr sent me a driver to pick me up at the dock and she was so sweet, she calmed my fears, talked me through what I would experience and got me there safely. The best thing I think I did was make sure that my friend Lucy and her Mom would be there with me. Lucy has been with this Dr for 10yrs and knows the ins and outs of everything there. Her mom speaks Spanish and since the night staff there doesn't speak English I thought it was best if she could come too.
I got there and they weighed me and got me all prepped for my procedure, now we just had to wait on the Dr who was being held up with another procedure, which was fine by me since it gave me time to catch up with Lucy and tell her about my cruise. Finally the time came for me to have my procedure...I am not going to lie...I was scared out of my mind but I knew everything was going to be OK. It was hard to go in there alone because Clint had been with me at every other surgery I have had, so this was a first. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep but I do remember some of the waking up part and let me tell you I didn't expect this...
So I don’t remember any of what I am going to tell you, all of this was told to me by Lucy. Right after they were done they put me in the recovery room and all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to talk to me and see what was wrong but I wouldn’t respond to them. They were worried because everything went “as smooth as butter” according to my Dr and nothing should have been causing me that much grief. They went and got Lucy and told her what was wrong and asked her if she could try to get me to talk. As she walked in she said she remembered it feeling kinda weird in there but she couldn’t figure out why. She said “April what is wrong? Are you OK?” I mumbled a reply, she thought I said “Where is he? Where is Trent?” Which she thought was odd because I knew that Trent (Lucy’s husband) couldn’t come. She replied “Trent? Remember April Trent couldn’t come!” Then I sat up and yelled “No!! Not Trent…Clint!! Where is Clint? Where did he go? He was just here with me!!!!!” She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say to me. The staff was asking her who I was talking about and what they should do. She then explained to them my situation and who Clint was and that moment is when she realized what she was feeling. She has no doubt in her mind that Clint was there with me that day, she could feel his presence and then all of them…Lucy, her mom and the Dr and Nurses started to cry with me. She said that she felt to tell me that everything was going to be OK and that I should go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I nodded and laid back on my pillow and went back to sleep. I woke up a while later surprised that the procedure was so fast and that I was feeling not much pain at all. Later that night Lucy told me what happened and I cried again. I was so worried about doing this with out Clint by my side and in reality he was there with me all along, I should’ve known he would be there. I hope that the people there that day will remember what happened and realize that the people we lose never really leave us.
I stayed the night there and the next day Lucy and her mom had to get back to AZ so I went to the home of my driver, she takes care of the patients for the Dr's at her house before they go back to the USA. I met 3 other women who had procedures the same day I did and I became friends with one of them. She had the same procedure done and she lives in Washington. We exchanged numbers so we can keep in touch and update each other on our progress. I flew back home the next day, which was Saturday, I had been gone from my kiddos for a whole week and I missed them so much. I was sore and hungry but happy to be home. My sisters did an AMAZING job taking care of them for me and I am forever grateful for them.
Since I have had this procedure I have lost 50 pounds and I have much more energy than I ever have. I am still a long ways from being where I want to be. I am not allowed to eat white sugar, white flour or carbonation, that was hard at first to stick to but I don't think about it anymore. I am going to the gym when I can and eating good foods and teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise. I love how I look, I am still not the skinniest person out there but I am happy with my appearance with one exception but sticking with the gym might help if not I know an excellent Drs in Tijuana and Phoenix who also do tummy tucks!!!! LOL
At the time yes it was all that mattered, I was happy, in love and struggling to lose weight so I could be happy with myself. So one day we were talking with some friends and came up with and idea. I needed a tool that could help me lose weight and sustain my new weight to help keep the weight from coming back...we decided that one of these days I was going to get the Lap-Band. After Clint passed away I was at my highest weight ever and I didn't know what to do. When I moved to Idaho I realized a couple of things #1: that Clint had to love me for eternity but the next man doesn't have to and he won't want someone who looks like me...does that make sense? and #2: my children need me healthy because I am the only parent they have left. I did the Body for Life program and I even did the have HCG diet and both gave me results but when I was done the weight I had lost came back. I was talking to my friend Lucy and she again suggested the Lap-Band, gave me her Dr's name and number in Tijuana and I made the call. I looked at my calendar and realized that the best time for me to go to Tijuana was the day I got back from my cruise since I would already be in San Diego.
I was so excited about going but also pretty scared. At the time Tijuana was having MAJOR issues with drug lords and all of that stuff. People were getting kidnapped, shot at and mugged. I wasn't worried about getting kidnapped I mean come on...I am not the skinniest, prettiest girl in the world so no one would want to kidnap me. But I was worried about getting shot at and mugged, I was carrying a boat load of cash to pay for my procedure and I had 4 little ones at home that would miss me but I prayed and felt OK about going. My Dr sent me a driver to pick me up at the dock and she was so sweet, she calmed my fears, talked me through what I would experience and got me there safely. The best thing I think I did was make sure that my friend Lucy and her Mom would be there with me. Lucy has been with this Dr for 10yrs and knows the ins and outs of everything there. Her mom speaks Spanish and since the night staff there doesn't speak English I thought it was best if she could come too.
I got there and they weighed me and got me all prepped for my procedure, now we just had to wait on the Dr who was being held up with another procedure, which was fine by me since it gave me time to catch up with Lucy and tell her about my cruise. Finally the time came for me to have my procedure...I am not going to lie...I was scared out of my mind but I knew everything was going to be OK. It was hard to go in there alone because Clint had been with me at every other surgery I have had, so this was a first. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep but I do remember some of the waking up part and let me tell you I didn't expect this...
So I don’t remember any of what I am going to tell you, all of this was told to me by Lucy. Right after they were done they put me in the recovery room and all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to talk to me and see what was wrong but I wouldn’t respond to them. They were worried because everything went “as smooth as butter” according to my Dr and nothing should have been causing me that much grief. They went and got Lucy and told her what was wrong and asked her if she could try to get me to talk. As she walked in she said she remembered it feeling kinda weird in there but she couldn’t figure out why. She said “April what is wrong? Are you OK?” I mumbled a reply, she thought I said “Where is he? Where is Trent?” Which she thought was odd because I knew that Trent (Lucy’s husband) couldn’t come. She replied “Trent? Remember April Trent couldn’t come!” Then I sat up and yelled “No!! Not Trent…Clint!! Where is Clint? Where did he go? He was just here with me!!!!!” She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say to me. The staff was asking her who I was talking about and what they should do. She then explained to them my situation and who Clint was and that moment is when she realized what she was feeling. She has no doubt in her mind that Clint was there with me that day, she could feel his presence and then all of them…Lucy, her mom and the Dr and Nurses started to cry with me. She said that she felt to tell me that everything was going to be OK and that I should go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I nodded and laid back on my pillow and went back to sleep. I woke up a while later surprised that the procedure was so fast and that I was feeling not much pain at all. Later that night Lucy told me what happened and I cried again. I was so worried about doing this with out Clint by my side and in reality he was there with me all along, I should’ve known he would be there. I hope that the people there that day will remember what happened and realize that the people we lose never really leave us.
I stayed the night there and the next day Lucy and her mom had to get back to AZ so I went to the home of my driver, she takes care of the patients for the Dr's at her house before they go back to the USA. I met 3 other women who had procedures the same day I did and I became friends with one of them. She had the same procedure done and she lives in Washington. We exchanged numbers so we can keep in touch and update each other on our progress. I flew back home the next day, which was Saturday, I had been gone from my kiddos for a whole week and I missed them so much. I was sore and hungry but happy to be home. My sisters did an AMAZING job taking care of them for me and I am forever grateful for them.
Since I have had this procedure I have lost 50 pounds and I have much more energy than I ever have. I am still a long ways from being where I want to be. I am not allowed to eat white sugar, white flour or carbonation, that was hard at first to stick to but I don't think about it anymore. I am going to the gym when I can and eating good foods and teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise. I love how I look, I am still not the skinniest person out there but I am happy with my appearance with one exception but sticking with the gym might help if not I know an excellent Drs in Tijuana and Phoenix who also do tummy tucks!!!! LOL
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