A little matter of life and death

Normally I have issues with the month of September for some two pretty valid reasons 1. My Mom's house caught on fire 3yrs ago with my two sons and my sister in the house and 2. 3 weeks after my Mom's house fire is when Clinton passed away. So I usually have a hard time with this month because it is so full of memories and sad times. This year though I thought it was going to be different for me, I was ready for it and  was ready to turn it into a positive month but apparently that was not to be the case. I have had several other people that I know die this month and I have been sick for more than half of it. The sicknesses wouldn't normally be that big of an issue except for one of them it really became a matter of life and death for me. It all started the day the chicken-ka-bob tried to kill me.....

Let me preface this by saying that 2 1/2 yrs ago I went to Mexico and got the lap-band done, I didn't want to leave my kids orphaned because of my weight and also a guy straight up told me that I would never find love again as long as I was that heavy. *Sigh* the things we do for love, right? Anyways on with the story...

 In June I went to AZ and had my nurse tighten my lap-band so I could lose the last 20-30lbs and finally hit my 100lb mark. I realized on my way home that it was too tight because I had a hard time drinking water but when I lose weight it also loosens the lap-band so I  figured I would be ok but I have had to eat really crunchy food or soft food. One day this month my sister Valerie bought chicken-ka-bobs for dinner and I grilled them up and we ate them and after my first bite of chicken I realized something was wrong. Apparently I didn't chew the chicken enough (we are told to chew our food at least 30 times before swallowing)  and I created a blockage. 

I have never had a blockage before so I wasn't sure what was going on but I had a slight idea, I kept on throwing up but the chicken wouldn't come out. I really thought that if I threw up enough that would dislodge the chicken and I would be ok. I spent the next six days not being able to eat or drink anything and throwing up. I was surprised that being so dehydrated that I still had stuff to throw up but I did, there was no relief from it. 

 I was starving, severely dehydrated and amazingly still throwing up when I felt I had nothing left in me. My urine was dark, dark yellow/brown. I know you are wondering why I didn't go to the hospital. I thought about it over and over again but I don't have any health insurance or money to go there, I am still paying on my broken fingers from last year. It got to the point where I really couldn't walk, if I had to go anywhere I had to crawl and that would take all of my energy, I kept a bowl by the couch to throw up in. All I could do was drag myself out of bed and lay on the couch where Alizabeth became my nurse during the day. If I felt cold to her she would cover me up and take off the blanket if I felt hot, she would sit right next to me and talk to me. Every time I think back on this I just cry when I realize how scared my baby girl must have been. She was so brave, she really has it in her to become a nurse, she would even try to get me to drink but I just couldn't 

I remember the first couple of days but the next 4-5 days are a blur. I had a friend ask me how I was (she knew I was sick but didn't know with what or how bad) and I told her I was in and out of consciousness, she laughed but little did she know that was the actual truth. I don't remember much of those days but I do remember thinking "a person can only survive 7 days without water...how many days has it been?" The morning of the 6th day I asked Heavenly Father not to take me but if he had to then to please wait until my sister got home so my kids didn't have to deal with it alone I can't believe that I actually had to have that conversation with Heavenly Father but right then and there I knew that I would not leave my kids orphaned, as much as I love and miss Clint I am not ready to see him yet. My kids need me here way more than he needs me there and I let Heavenly Father know all of this and that if I could stay then he needed to tell me what to do. I had no idea who to call and I didn't have much strength to make many phone calls...I needed an answer and the strength to do what I needed to do. 

Suddenly I had a clear mind and I made the phone call to my nurse in AZ. Her first response was for me to get to her asap so she could take my fill out of my lap-band but then I reminded her that I was in ID. She was so nervous and told me a couple of things to try and if it didn't work then I promised her to get to the hospital. Thankfully the couple of things she told me to do worked and I was able to keep down a teaspoon of beef broth. When Valerie cam home from work I let her know that I called that nurse and what she said to do. The look of relief was imminent on her face, she was so worried that she was going to lose me if she couldn't convince me to go to the hospital and she was eager to get started on what the nurse said to do. I had to stay up all night sipping a teaspoon of beef broth every 30min or so but I was finally getting fluid into me. She sent me a prescription that would open my esophagus and force through the food that was causing the block and with that, the bags of ice I had on my chest to get the swelling in my esophagus down and the sipping of beef broth I was finally heading in the right direction.

Honestly this may not sound so scary to most of you but I have never been so scared in my life. I know several friends who were hospitalized for what I just went through and they too were close to death. It truly was terrifying and I know now that it isn't my time to go. I am still really weak and tired all the time, I need to up my water intake but my lap-band is still too tight so I can't drink more water. I now worry about the effect this has had on my organs but I can only hope and pray nothing too bad has happened. I hope to save up money and get to AZ and get my fill out so I can get my body recovered properly. I told my friend that this ordeal rocked my world,..and not in a good way. This has really shaken me up and at the same time opened my eyes to what is really that important in my life...my kids. This life is for so much more than all the rushing around that we do...running errands, cleaning the house, taking kids to and from more practices than is good for them. Our family should be our biggest priority I remember reading this from  "President David O. McKay:

" 'The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home.' (Family Home Evening Manual 1968-69, p. iii.)"

I now know with out a shadow of a doubt that my family is going to be my top priority and I also learned that I have an amazing life ahead of me full of happiness and love. Sadly it took a brush with death to teach me this, maybe I am just that stubborn. I am now looking forward to my future with great excitement, I can't wait to start the wonderful life that lies ahead of me. I am also so grateful to still be here to day to write this story for you, life is good and should be filled with those that you love. So live it happily and 

“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” - Gordon B. Hinckley