I have been thinking a lot this past month or so about what we leave behind when it is our time to go. Some people might think that kind of thinking is a bit morbid but after joining this "club" you start to look at death in a different light. Clint used to carry around a quote in his wallet that said "The only things you can take with you when you go is your relationships and your knowledge, everything else doesn't matter." I agree with that quote but I also disagree. What about the people left behind? How will they remember you?
So...what do you leave behind? How will they remember you? Basically you leave behind a legacy. I believe that everyone leaves a legacy behind...from a baby who dies before they are born to a person who lives 200 years...we all touch someone in some way. What is the definition of a legacy? Good ol' Webster says "something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past (the legacy of the ancient philosophers)" For example: He left his children a legacy of love and respect.
Clint's birthday was yesterday and last night I was thinking of his legacy. His legacy would be service, hard work and love. His biggest goal in life was to become financially set so he could help others who needed it. He was always moving people in and out of our ward. His most favorite Family Home Evening was to make cookies and go take them to people. One year, probably about 6 years ago, he came up with The Halloween Phantom. He came up with a poem basically about serving others and my sister drew a ghost that the poem sat in. We took the ghost put it on a plate of cookies and took it to 5 families who were supposed to do the same thing to 5 other families. Once night a week or so later someone did the Phantom to our house and he just grinned thinking about all the other families getting cookies. He worked hard for everything in life. When we were newly married he got laid off a construction job because he put the way ahead of schedule. He was without a job for a week or so until our landlord got him a job on a ranch. He had to go paint fences out in the snow, they were so impressed with him that once he found a job they practically begged him to stay. He also loved every person he came across, I have never seen someone give so much unconditional love before. I never realized how many people he touched until his last day in the hospital. I couldn't believe how many people came to say goodbye to him. As I reflected on his legacy I realized how proud of him I am and how proud of him our children are. His legacy truly is amazing.
After thinking about Clint's legacy last night, I started thinking about mine. Am I living the way I want my kids to remember? I honestly don't know. They know I have a testimony and a passion for music. But I am not sure that right now my legacy is strong enough for them. I think I have some work to do in this area. Life is short, you never know when you will be called home...I think it is time to live to be a better person so that when it is my time my kids will be proud of me.
So I guess it is time to ask yourself...what is my legacy?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
1 Year/The Untold Story
I seriously can't believe that I have been widowed for 1 year! To quote my friend Wid "I have reached 1 year in a club that no one wants to be in." So much has happened in my life since then but when you are approaching your year mark something happens to your brain and it wants to replay everything that you went through leading up to that last moment with the person you love. And let me tell you...it hurts, can sneak up on you anytime and can consume you leaving you numb once again and fighting to get your life back in some kind of order. While I was going through this the memories that stood out to me the most were the memories of our last week, lots happened that week and not many people know the whole story of what we went through the last several years but I feel impressed to share what we went through the last week. Maybe it can help someone, maybe it will shed some light on what an amazing man he was or maybe...just maybe it will help me work through all the guilt, sadness and shock that I feel some days when I look back on that week.
So a quick rundown of what had happened so far: Clint started getting sick with stomach problems in November of 2007, March of 2008 we are told he was anemic and had Ulcerative Colitis, March of 2009 official diagnosis is Stage IV Metastatic Colon Cancer (already spread to the Liver), that same day he started chemo, end of July 2009 we realize chemo is shrinking the tumors outside of the colon but is not touching the liver so we decided to do a surgery that would remove the colon and hopefully get the chemo penetrating the liver so we could get some progress there even though that once the surgery was done he had to wait 6 weeks for chemo again, we did the surgery and find his whole abdomen plus major organs are covered in cancer. He spent 2 weeks in the ICU where he swears he saw angels looking over him at night and 1 week in a regular room then came home. We met with his Oncologist he is pretty worried about him and wants to start chemo the next week so we made an appointment, Clint stops eating and gets admitted back in the hospital and this is where our last week starts...
After he is admitted to the hospital the Doctors have a pow-wow of what to do with him. They decided to hook him up to get some vitamins and minerals and fluids in him. I was extremely worried about the fact that he wasn't eating and he was planning on getting chemo so I talked to the surgeon to try and get him to give him a feeding tube and I was shocked with how our conversation turned out. He basically told me that he refuses to give him a feeding tube because there is no point in prolonging the inevitable. Now I am not a person that does confrontation well but when he said that to me I will admit that I hit my breaking point and went off on the Doctor. I was so upset and went back to Clint's room to talk about what we should do to keep this fight going. He stayed in there for a couple of days and then on the 22nd they discharged him and we went straight to a Chuck Wicks concert, my sister had got us tickets and back stage passes from when she met his bus driver (a really cool story). Clint was in his wheel chair and had the biggest smile, he truly lived life all the way up to the end.
The day after the concert he told me that there was no way that he could do chemo the next day because he didn't feel strong enough. He wanted me to take him to Scottsdale to his Homeopathic Dr for a Vitamin C treatment to boost him for chemo. I said OK (reluctantly) and rescheduled his chemo for the following week and made plans to head to Scottsdale on Thursday. We left early Thursday morning and went off to see Dr. Ber, and we had so much fun. It was a 3hr treatment and we just sat and talked the whole time. On the way home I wanted a Starbucks frappaccino and I surprised him with a Caramel Apple Cider and he said that was the best thing he had ever tasted. *It is amazing the little things you remember after a year* He was feeling so good, I remember that day being full of fun and laughter.
The next day he was sleeping in the recliner and I was in and out of the house all day running errands and stuff. I didn't think anything about him sleeping all day until that evening when I looked at him and something wasn't right, I could just feel it. I had my sister take the kids away from the house and I called my good friend, Jason Foutz, to let him know that something was wrong with Clint and I didn't know what to do. He raced over to my house with a guy from church with him and they urged me to call Clint's home nurse (we had just gotten her, her job was to come once a week and take his vitals and see if he needs any supplies for his ostomy bag) she drove from Pima to my house in 15 minutes!! She took his vitals and looked at me and said "April you have two options...you can let him die here or you can call an ambulance!!" I was in shock, there was no way, NO WAY that he was going to die...we just had a great time in Phoenix...he was supposed to beat his cancer. I don't really remember making the call but someone did and Jason and Brother Buckley gave Clint a blessing and we waited for the ambulance.
They got there so quick and started checking his vitals and they realized that he had no insulin in his body. They put him in the back and started pumping him full of insulin, I hopped in the front and off we went. The drive to the hospital from my house to the hospital is maybe 5min at the most. Once we got there I hopped out and rushed to the back and there he was alert and talking. I said a quick prayer of thanks and Clint then looked at me and said "What am I doing here?" I told him "Well you freaked me out so we need to get you checked out. He said nothing in response and we got him in a room in the ER and they hooked him up to a continuous line of insulin. The Dr's get him all settled and go off to get him a room in the ICU and he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and said the thing that is burned in my memory forever..."April, it is my time to go home." Time stopped, ,my world stood still as I tried to process what he just told me and then I went into complete meltdown mode. I couldn't believe what he was telling me...he then proceeded to tell me that he didn't want to be revived, he didn't want to take any meds that were going to keep him here...this needed to happen and it was going to happen quickly. I think my mind was numb but when he said to revive him I got fire back in my mind and said "Did you pray about it?" (knowing full well that he was just in a coma in my house and couldn't have possibly prayed about it. He looked at me with a sweet patient smile and eyes that seemed to know more than I could ever comprehend and said "No honey I haven't but would you like me to?" I said "Yes" He said "Fine I will but YOU need to as well."
The nurses then came in and said his room was ready they took him into the ICU and I had to wait in a waiting room until they were done getting him settled. I went back into his room when he told me to tell the nurses about the DNR (do not revive) and everything else he told me. I shook my head and said "I will not tell them that because if it was up to me I would do everything in my power to keep you here." The nurse came back and he proceeded to tell them his wishes and all I could do was melt into a puddle on the floor and bawl. I have to say that the nurses we had were the most amazing people ever, they let me have my freak out moment then they took me by my hand and said "Come on honey, why don't you come sit by your husband and we'll find you some place to sleep." I agreed and sat in a chair next to him and couldn't believe the next words out of his mouth "April I don't want you to sleep here tonight. You need to go home and sleep so you can face what is coming. On your way home call my family, they need to get here quickly if they want to say goodbye."
I don't know how I made it out those doors but I got in my car and immediately got on my phone to his oldest brother, Ryan. It was 2:30am AZ time so I think it might have been 5:30am Texas time. Thankfully they answered their phone and the sound of Aften's voice was enough to start my meltdown again, but they got the message and started calling everyone as soon as I got off the phone with them. I went home and tried to sleep but it was a restless one and got up at 6:30am Saturday morning, said my prayer...got my answer and went back to the hospital. Somehow I called my family and told them what was going on but I don't remember doing so.
That day is such a blur to me, somehow word got out about Clint's condition and it spread like wildfire. He had about 100 people in his room that day to say their goodbyes to him. He was amazing he talked to every single person, gave them advice for their life and promised to send their love to loved ones who have died...he even took the time to commit to memory the name of the deceased loved ones. While we were waiting for his family we knew we needed to tell our children and I had no idea what to say. I was dreading this part, how in the world does a Mom tell her children that their Dad is dying? I think Heavenly Father was watching out for me because I brought Mathew and Ben in to see Clint and I sat them down to explain to them what was happening and all of a sudden my Stake President, President Sanders walked in. He looked at me and seemed to know what I was trying to do and he then proceeded to tell them what was going on and in words that kids could understand. After he told them I swear to you that I could hear their little hearts break and they broke down. Everyone in that room was crying me, Clint, the kids, the nurses and President Sanders and his wife. I hope that I never have to see my children's hearts break again, I don't know if I can handle it. I had the kids, all 4 of them take turns to say their goodbyes to their dad and I had my sister keep them from the hospital until he passed away.
Around 9pm Clint asked for me, my mom. his mom and my cousin Joy to be with him and then he told the Nurses that he was ready to be unhooked from his IVs, specifically the insulin, and he was ready to go. They called our family Dr and he came in to unhook him himself, and he cried the whole time he did it. His family hung around for a while after that and around Midnight I asked the nurses to ask them to leave so we could have some alone time. I know my husband and he didn't like everyone staring at him waiting for him to die, he wanted it to be the two of us. They left and around 3am Sunday morning his last brother (that could come quickly) came in the room to say his goodbye. After he left the room Clint went back into his coma. We were amazed that without the insulin he stayed out of his coma for 6 hours, but he really wanted to see this brother so he did it. I don't remember falling asleep but I remember waking up at almost 5am upset with myself for sleeping...who sleeps when they know that could be their husband's last night!?! At 6am the night shift nurses came in and said they were off the clock and wanted to sit with me. For 2 hours they held my hand and cried with me, from all of Clint's hospital stays they got to know him pretty well,
Several hours went by and I needed to go to the bathroom, in this hospital they don't have a bathroom in the ICU so I had to go out in the main hospital to use one. As I got up to leave I felt that I needed to tell him that I would be right back, so I did. Once I got out there I got ambushed by his family, they were all wanting updates and so I was gone for longer than I wanted to be and I had this feeling that I needed to get back in there asap. I sat on the bed next to him and I started singing to him and pouring my heart out to him. I had told him most of the night, when I wasn't sleeping, that he just needed to go and that I was going to be OK. He had looked out for me since the day we met and I knew he was hanging on for me. I told him that I would be OK but I didn't believe it in my heart until something clicked inside of me and I knew for sure that I was going to be OK. I told him this one last time and he took a big gasp of air, for a brief second I got excited I thought he was going to talk to me so I turned to look at him and as soon as I looked at him and the monitors and all the numbers on there zeroed out and it started beeping...
The nurses ran in and I kept saying that I didn't know what happened or what was going on and they finally took me by the shoulders and said "April, he is gone." And yet again I had a freak out moment. All of the family had gone and so they called our friend Riley who was at church. He got the call and rushed out of church and everyone there says that when they saw him leave they knew what had happened. He ran into the room and held me while I cried and cried and cried. I got my voice and called my cousin Joy to tell her to bring the kids. I looked at him and thought "Oh my gosh who is that man in the bed, he isn't my Clint!" I learned that day that when you fall in love you really do fall in love with the spirit of the person not just their body. Family came, my kids came and I told the nurses to call the mortuary. While I waited for them to come all of a sudden I felt like I was wrapped in the biggest, warmest hug I have ever experienced. That feeling stayed with me all the way through the funeral.
I know this is long buy this is the story people have been asking me to tell. It hasn't been easy I started writing it on my 1year mark and I finished it on my 15 month mark...it took me 3 months to write this. I experienced all of the emotions over again. My friends lost their 6yr old son the beginning of the month and that has made reliving this even more hard. I finally though have stopped "what if'ing" myself...what if I had made him go to chemo, what if I had begged him to stay, what if I had been more assertive with his specialist and demanded a second opinion what if...what it...what it...I have learned this past year that I believe that Clint and I knew this was going to happen before we were born, that we agreed to have this trial. There is nothing that could have kept this from happening to us, it was supposed to happen. I have changed, yes that is true. But you can't expect people to go through this and it not change them in some way I came to a point where I had to decide this can make me bitter or this can make me better and I chose to be better. I have decided to live Clint's legacy of optimism, a love of life and service. I know that he wants me to get remarried one day and I feel blessed to know that I already have his blessing on this matter. I have learned to make decisions for myself and my children and to be confident in them even when others don't agree, I have a cheerleader in Heaven that overshadows any of their negativity. It as taken a lot and some time to learn all of this but now I don't feel guilty whatsoever to start a "new" life while remembering and honoring the "old" life. I love Clint with all of my heart and I always will but I believe Heavenly Father will expand my heart to love someone new that will help love and raise our children they way Clint would want them raised. So this is what I have learned the first year, I wonder what I will have learned the end of the 2nd year...only time will tell!!!!!
So a quick rundown of what had happened so far: Clint started getting sick with stomach problems in November of 2007, March of 2008 we are told he was anemic and had Ulcerative Colitis, March of 2009 official diagnosis is Stage IV Metastatic Colon Cancer (already spread to the Liver), that same day he started chemo, end of July 2009 we realize chemo is shrinking the tumors outside of the colon but is not touching the liver so we decided to do a surgery that would remove the colon and hopefully get the chemo penetrating the liver so we could get some progress there even though that once the surgery was done he had to wait 6 weeks for chemo again, we did the surgery and find his whole abdomen plus major organs are covered in cancer. He spent 2 weeks in the ICU where he swears he saw angels looking over him at night and 1 week in a regular room then came home. We met with his Oncologist he is pretty worried about him and wants to start chemo the next week so we made an appointment, Clint stops eating and gets admitted back in the hospital and this is where our last week starts...
After he is admitted to the hospital the Doctors have a pow-wow of what to do with him. They decided to hook him up to get some vitamins and minerals and fluids in him. I was extremely worried about the fact that he wasn't eating and he was planning on getting chemo so I talked to the surgeon to try and get him to give him a feeding tube and I was shocked with how our conversation turned out. He basically told me that he refuses to give him a feeding tube because there is no point in prolonging the inevitable. Now I am not a person that does confrontation well but when he said that to me I will admit that I hit my breaking point and went off on the Doctor. I was so upset and went back to Clint's room to talk about what we should do to keep this fight going. He stayed in there for a couple of days and then on the 22nd they discharged him and we went straight to a Chuck Wicks concert, my sister had got us tickets and back stage passes from when she met his bus driver (a really cool story). Clint was in his wheel chair and had the biggest smile, he truly lived life all the way up to the end.
The day after the concert he told me that there was no way that he could do chemo the next day because he didn't feel strong enough. He wanted me to take him to Scottsdale to his Homeopathic Dr for a Vitamin C treatment to boost him for chemo. I said OK (reluctantly) and rescheduled his chemo for the following week and made plans to head to Scottsdale on Thursday. We left early Thursday morning and went off to see Dr. Ber, and we had so much fun. It was a 3hr treatment and we just sat and talked the whole time. On the way home I wanted a Starbucks frappaccino and I surprised him with a Caramel Apple Cider and he said that was the best thing he had ever tasted. *It is amazing the little things you remember after a year* He was feeling so good, I remember that day being full of fun and laughter.
The next day he was sleeping in the recliner and I was in and out of the house all day running errands and stuff. I didn't think anything about him sleeping all day until that evening when I looked at him and something wasn't right, I could just feel it. I had my sister take the kids away from the house and I called my good friend, Jason Foutz, to let him know that something was wrong with Clint and I didn't know what to do. He raced over to my house with a guy from church with him and they urged me to call Clint's home nurse (we had just gotten her, her job was to come once a week and take his vitals and see if he needs any supplies for his ostomy bag) she drove from Pima to my house in 15 minutes!! She took his vitals and looked at me and said "April you have two options...you can let him die here or you can call an ambulance!!" I was in shock, there was no way, NO WAY that he was going to die...we just had a great time in Phoenix...he was supposed to beat his cancer. I don't really remember making the call but someone did and Jason and Brother Buckley gave Clint a blessing and we waited for the ambulance.
They got there so quick and started checking his vitals and they realized that he had no insulin in his body. They put him in the back and started pumping him full of insulin, I hopped in the front and off we went. The drive to the hospital from my house to the hospital is maybe 5min at the most. Once we got there I hopped out and rushed to the back and there he was alert and talking. I said a quick prayer of thanks and Clint then looked at me and said "What am I doing here?" I told him "Well you freaked me out so we need to get you checked out. He said nothing in response and we got him in a room in the ER and they hooked him up to a continuous line of insulin. The Dr's get him all settled and go off to get him a room in the ICU and he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and said the thing that is burned in my memory forever..."April, it is my time to go home." Time stopped, ,my world stood still as I tried to process what he just told me and then I went into complete meltdown mode. I couldn't believe what he was telling me...he then proceeded to tell me that he didn't want to be revived, he didn't want to take any meds that were going to keep him here...this needed to happen and it was going to happen quickly. I think my mind was numb but when he said to revive him I got fire back in my mind and said "Did you pray about it?" (knowing full well that he was just in a coma in my house and couldn't have possibly prayed about it. He looked at me with a sweet patient smile and eyes that seemed to know more than I could ever comprehend and said "No honey I haven't but would you like me to?" I said "Yes" He said "Fine I will but YOU need to as well."
The nurses then came in and said his room was ready they took him into the ICU and I had to wait in a waiting room until they were done getting him settled. I went back into his room when he told me to tell the nurses about the DNR (do not revive) and everything else he told me. I shook my head and said "I will not tell them that because if it was up to me I would do everything in my power to keep you here." The nurse came back and he proceeded to tell them his wishes and all I could do was melt into a puddle on the floor and bawl. I have to say that the nurses we had were the most amazing people ever, they let me have my freak out moment then they took me by my hand and said "Come on honey, why don't you come sit by your husband and we'll find you some place to sleep." I agreed and sat in a chair next to him and couldn't believe the next words out of his mouth "April I don't want you to sleep here tonight. You need to go home and sleep so you can face what is coming. On your way home call my family, they need to get here quickly if they want to say goodbye."
I don't know how I made it out those doors but I got in my car and immediately got on my phone to his oldest brother, Ryan. It was 2:30am AZ time so I think it might have been 5:30am Texas time. Thankfully they answered their phone and the sound of Aften's voice was enough to start my meltdown again, but they got the message and started calling everyone as soon as I got off the phone with them. I went home and tried to sleep but it was a restless one and got up at 6:30am Saturday morning, said my prayer...got my answer and went back to the hospital. Somehow I called my family and told them what was going on but I don't remember doing so.
That day is such a blur to me, somehow word got out about Clint's condition and it spread like wildfire. He had about 100 people in his room that day to say their goodbyes to him. He was amazing he talked to every single person, gave them advice for their life and promised to send their love to loved ones who have died...he even took the time to commit to memory the name of the deceased loved ones. While we were waiting for his family we knew we needed to tell our children and I had no idea what to say. I was dreading this part, how in the world does a Mom tell her children that their Dad is dying? I think Heavenly Father was watching out for me because I brought Mathew and Ben in to see Clint and I sat them down to explain to them what was happening and all of a sudden my Stake President, President Sanders walked in. He looked at me and seemed to know what I was trying to do and he then proceeded to tell them what was going on and in words that kids could understand. After he told them I swear to you that I could hear their little hearts break and they broke down. Everyone in that room was crying me, Clint, the kids, the nurses and President Sanders and his wife. I hope that I never have to see my children's hearts break again, I don't know if I can handle it. I had the kids, all 4 of them take turns to say their goodbyes to their dad and I had my sister keep them from the hospital until he passed away.
Around 9pm Clint asked for me, my mom. his mom and my cousin Joy to be with him and then he told the Nurses that he was ready to be unhooked from his IVs, specifically the insulin, and he was ready to go. They called our family Dr and he came in to unhook him himself, and he cried the whole time he did it. His family hung around for a while after that and around Midnight I asked the nurses to ask them to leave so we could have some alone time. I know my husband and he didn't like everyone staring at him waiting for him to die, he wanted it to be the two of us. They left and around 3am Sunday morning his last brother (that could come quickly) came in the room to say his goodbye. After he left the room Clint went back into his coma. We were amazed that without the insulin he stayed out of his coma for 6 hours, but he really wanted to see this brother so he did it. I don't remember falling asleep but I remember waking up at almost 5am upset with myself for sleeping...who sleeps when they know that could be their husband's last night!?! At 6am the night shift nurses came in and said they were off the clock and wanted to sit with me. For 2 hours they held my hand and cried with me, from all of Clint's hospital stays they got to know him pretty well,
Several hours went by and I needed to go to the bathroom, in this hospital they don't have a bathroom in the ICU so I had to go out in the main hospital to use one. As I got up to leave I felt that I needed to tell him that I would be right back, so I did. Once I got out there I got ambushed by his family, they were all wanting updates and so I was gone for longer than I wanted to be and I had this feeling that I needed to get back in there asap. I sat on the bed next to him and I started singing to him and pouring my heart out to him. I had told him most of the night, when I wasn't sleeping, that he just needed to go and that I was going to be OK. He had looked out for me since the day we met and I knew he was hanging on for me. I told him that I would be OK but I didn't believe it in my heart until something clicked inside of me and I knew for sure that I was going to be OK. I told him this one last time and he took a big gasp of air, for a brief second I got excited I thought he was going to talk to me so I turned to look at him and as soon as I looked at him and the monitors and all the numbers on there zeroed out and it started beeping...
The nurses ran in and I kept saying that I didn't know what happened or what was going on and they finally took me by the shoulders and said "April, he is gone." And yet again I had a freak out moment. All of the family had gone and so they called our friend Riley who was at church. He got the call and rushed out of church and everyone there says that when they saw him leave they knew what had happened. He ran into the room and held me while I cried and cried and cried. I got my voice and called my cousin Joy to tell her to bring the kids. I looked at him and thought "Oh my gosh who is that man in the bed, he isn't my Clint!" I learned that day that when you fall in love you really do fall in love with the spirit of the person not just their body. Family came, my kids came and I told the nurses to call the mortuary. While I waited for them to come all of a sudden I felt like I was wrapped in the biggest, warmest hug I have ever experienced. That feeling stayed with me all the way through the funeral.
I know this is long buy this is the story people have been asking me to tell. It hasn't been easy I started writing it on my 1year mark and I finished it on my 15 month mark...it took me 3 months to write this. I experienced all of the emotions over again. My friends lost their 6yr old son the beginning of the month and that has made reliving this even more hard. I finally though have stopped "what if'ing" myself...what if I had made him go to chemo, what if I had begged him to stay, what if I had been more assertive with his specialist and demanded a second opinion what if...what it...what it...I have learned this past year that I believe that Clint and I knew this was going to happen before we were born, that we agreed to have this trial. There is nothing that could have kept this from happening to us, it was supposed to happen. I have changed, yes that is true. But you can't expect people to go through this and it not change them in some way I came to a point where I had to decide this can make me bitter or this can make me better and I chose to be better. I have decided to live Clint's legacy of optimism, a love of life and service. I know that he wants me to get remarried one day and I feel blessed to know that I already have his blessing on this matter. I have learned to make decisions for myself and my children and to be confident in them even when others don't agree, I have a cheerleader in Heaven that overshadows any of their negativity. It as taken a lot and some time to learn all of this but now I don't feel guilty whatsoever to start a "new" life while remembering and honoring the "old" life. I love Clint with all of my heart and I always will but I believe Heavenly Father will expand my heart to love someone new that will help love and raise our children they way Clint would want them raised. So this is what I have learned the first year, I wonder what I will have learned the end of the 2nd year...only time will tell!!!!!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Happy Birthday to You
As I was recovering from my surgery I had my birthday and it pretty much sucked. I was on a liquid diet and in pain so we didn’t do anything but that wasn’t the reason it sucked. It sucked because on this birthday I became the same age as Clint. That was NEVER supposed to happen he was ALWAYS supposed to be a year to two years older than me. It was so hard coming to the realization…I was going to out live him by a long shot…so needless to say I was pretty depressed. Thankfully my sisters were there to pick up my slack and try their hardest to get me out of that funk, I am eternally grateful for them.
A few weeks after my birthday passed I was talking with Jami about what we should do for her birthday. I decided that I was going to hang out with her for her birthday and that we had better do something fun. We came up with the BEST idea…watch a movie in the park!!! We were so excited, we planned to watch The Princess Bride and have tons of munchies for everyone, she invited everyone she knew and everything was set.
I arrived at her house a day early and we did our ritual bonding…shopping , pedicures and talking most of the night. The next day we shopped like crazy getting everything ready for her party. I brought two of my kids with me and she needed a babysitter and my AMAZING brother and sister-in-law agreed to watch them for us. I dropped off the kiddos and hurried to the park…I was running late and I had ALL of the munchies. I got there and there was already people there (hasn’t anyone heard of Mormon standard time!! Geeze!) . I started getting stuff out of my car and all of a sudden there is a man standing next to me who says “Is all of this for the party or do you always carry this much food in your trunk?” I started laughing and looked up and Oh.My.Gosh…it was Wid!!!!
OK a quick rundown on who this guy is: He is a really attractive widower who had taken Jami out on some dates and yes I will admit I started having a crush on him even though I had never talked to him.
Anyways…I told him everything was for the party and we quickly got it unloaded. We had a while until the movie started (we had to wait for the sun to go down) so Wid asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said sure let’s play some volleyball. I thought that was a safe choice for myself since I was better at volleyball than softball. We quickly got teams together and started playing and you will not believe what he did…HE TRASH TALKED ME!!! Oh yes he did so what did I do? I trash talked back!!! It was so funny, I love it when a guy will tease back and forth with me. We had a good time playing and sadly my team lost. I will admit I wasn’t playing to the best of my abilities because I had a huge pile of cow poop in my way that I didn’t want to step on because I was barefoot. I do believe a re-match is in order…
After that was over he decided he wanted to play softball…ugh…not my best sport remember!?! But being the trooper that I am I put on a smile and did my best. I will admit he rocked at this sport and I did OK, I actually hit the ball several times!!! I know I even shocked myself!! Wid even broke the bat, yeah he was up to bat and swung with all his might and…CRACK…there went the bat, it was pretty awesome!! I think maybe this year I will play on the church softball team so I can brush up on my skills.
Thankfully I was saved by the sunset, the sun finally started to go down so we put the baseball stuff away. Then the picture fest began, it is funny to me when you are at a function like this everyone has to take pictures. I think it was after the thousandth picture we finally were able to start the movie. I have to say if you have never watched a movie in the park you really need to, there is just something about it that makes it cool! I found a seat by Jami on her blanket and Wid sat with some other people. You know how when you like someone you wish they would sit by you, hold your hand or put their arms around you to warm you up? Yeah I had those thoughts during the whole movie, I don’t think I really paid attention to the movie. My mind was busy analyzing the night and thinking about the guy who had made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a LONG time.
The movie ended and he had to leave really fast because he had a long drive ahead of him to get back home. He squeezed my shoulder said goodbye then said goodbye to Jami and he was gone. The girly-girl in me started thinking of all the things we had in common, how much fun we had and when I could get back here to see him again. The common sense girl in me was saying there were better girls for him, don’t get attached to him, he is way out of your league, just be his friend, blah blah blah. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what is in store for your life and hope that maybe, just maybe someone like Wid will come your way and help you love life again.
A few weeks after my birthday passed I was talking with Jami about what we should do for her birthday. I decided that I was going to hang out with her for her birthday and that we had better do something fun. We came up with the BEST idea…watch a movie in the park!!! We were so excited, we planned to watch The Princess Bride and have tons of munchies for everyone, she invited everyone she knew and everything was set.
I arrived at her house a day early and we did our ritual bonding…shopping , pedicures and talking most of the night. The next day we shopped like crazy getting everything ready for her party. I brought two of my kids with me and she needed a babysitter and my AMAZING brother and sister-in-law agreed to watch them for us. I dropped off the kiddos and hurried to the park…I was running late and I had ALL of the munchies. I got there and there was already people there (hasn’t anyone heard of Mormon standard time!! Geeze!) . I started getting stuff out of my car and all of a sudden there is a man standing next to me who says “Is all of this for the party or do you always carry this much food in your trunk?” I started laughing and looked up and Oh.My.Gosh…it was Wid!!!!
OK a quick rundown on who this guy is: He is a really attractive widower who had taken Jami out on some dates and yes I will admit I started having a crush on him even though I had never talked to him.
Anyways…I told him everything was for the party and we quickly got it unloaded. We had a while until the movie started (we had to wait for the sun to go down) so Wid asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said sure let’s play some volleyball. I thought that was a safe choice for myself since I was better at volleyball than softball. We quickly got teams together and started playing and you will not believe what he did…HE TRASH TALKED ME!!! Oh yes he did so what did I do? I trash talked back!!! It was so funny, I love it when a guy will tease back and forth with me. We had a good time playing and sadly my team lost. I will admit I wasn’t playing to the best of my abilities because I had a huge pile of cow poop in my way that I didn’t want to step on because I was barefoot. I do believe a re-match is in order…
After that was over he decided he wanted to play softball…ugh…not my best sport remember!?! But being the trooper that I am I put on a smile and did my best. I will admit he rocked at this sport and I did OK, I actually hit the ball several times!!! I know I even shocked myself!! Wid even broke the bat, yeah he was up to bat and swung with all his might and…CRACK…there went the bat, it was pretty awesome!! I think maybe this year I will play on the church softball team so I can brush up on my skills.
Thankfully I was saved by the sunset, the sun finally started to go down so we put the baseball stuff away. Then the picture fest began, it is funny to me when you are at a function like this everyone has to take pictures. I think it was after the thousandth picture we finally were able to start the movie. I have to say if you have never watched a movie in the park you really need to, there is just something about it that makes it cool! I found a seat by Jami on her blanket and Wid sat with some other people. You know how when you like someone you wish they would sit by you, hold your hand or put their arms around you to warm you up? Yeah I had those thoughts during the whole movie, I don’t think I really paid attention to the movie. My mind was busy analyzing the night and thinking about the guy who had made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a LONG time.
The movie ended and he had to leave really fast because he had a long drive ahead of him to get back home. He squeezed my shoulder said goodbye then said goodbye to Jami and he was gone. The girly-girl in me started thinking of all the things we had in common, how much fun we had and when I could get back here to see him again. The common sense girl in me was saying there were better girls for him, don’t get attached to him, he is way out of your league, just be his friend, blah blah blah. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what is in store for your life and hope that maybe, just maybe someone like Wid will come your way and help you love life again.
Uh oh
I was just re-reading my last post and realized that a major part of what happened to me in Tijuana is missing!!! Somehow it got deleted...it is the section of what happened when I woke up from my surgery I am going to add it now, so go re-read that post before reading the next one I am going to put up here tonight! :)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tijuana here I come!!
Here are some things that you should know about me...obesity runs in my family, I used to be a toothpick when I got married but have 4 big children via c-section packed on weight and when I am under stress I am not one of the lucky ones that lose weight...I gain weight. It seems like I can just smell a doughnut and here comes 5 pounds. This is one of the things that I used to proclaim "wasn't fair" in my life and Clint would always counter "life is fair April...it just isn't equal" then I would usually roll my eyes and continue to fume inside (yes I have a bratty side). When I married Clint I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. As I continued to be happily married to him (while gaining weight) I knew that I was the luckiest girl in the world. Not once did he ever talk down to me because of the weight that I gained. He used to tell me "April it really doesn't matter, after we die our bodies will be restored to its perfect state. Then we will have eternity like that together, this is just a small bit of time, I love you just the way you are!!! Isn't that all that matters?"
At the time yes it was all that mattered, I was happy, in love and struggling to lose weight so I could be happy with myself. So one day we were talking with some friends and came up with and idea. I needed a tool that could help me lose weight and sustain my new weight to help keep the weight from coming back...we decided that one of these days I was going to get the Lap-Band. After Clint passed away I was at my highest weight ever and I didn't know what to do. When I moved to Idaho I realized a couple of things #1: that Clint had to love me for eternity but the next man doesn't have to and he won't want someone who looks like me...does that make sense? and #2: my children need me healthy because I am the only parent they have left. I did the Body for Life program and I even did the have HCG diet and both gave me results but when I was done the weight I had lost came back. I was talking to my friend Lucy and she again suggested the Lap-Band, gave me her Dr's name and number in Tijuana and I made the call. I looked at my calendar and realized that the best time for me to go to Tijuana was the day I got back from my cruise since I would already be in San Diego.
I was so excited about going but also pretty scared. At the time Tijuana was having MAJOR issues with drug lords and all of that stuff. People were getting kidnapped, shot at and mugged. I wasn't worried about getting kidnapped I mean come on...I am not the skinniest, prettiest girl in the world so no one would want to kidnap me. But I was worried about getting shot at and mugged, I was carrying a boat load of cash to pay for my procedure and I had 4 little ones at home that would miss me but I prayed and felt OK about going. My Dr sent me a driver to pick me up at the dock and she was so sweet, she calmed my fears, talked me through what I would experience and got me there safely. The best thing I think I did was make sure that my friend Lucy and her Mom would be there with me. Lucy has been with this Dr for 10yrs and knows the ins and outs of everything there. Her mom speaks Spanish and since the night staff there doesn't speak English I thought it was best if she could come too.
I got there and they weighed me and got me all prepped for my procedure, now we just had to wait on the Dr who was being held up with another procedure, which was fine by me since it gave me time to catch up with Lucy and tell her about my cruise. Finally the time came for me to have my procedure...I am not going to lie...I was scared out of my mind but I knew everything was going to be OK. It was hard to go in there alone because Clint had been with me at every other surgery I have had, so this was a first. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep but I do remember some of the waking up part and let me tell you I didn't expect this...
So I don’t remember any of what I am going to tell you, all of this was told to me by Lucy. Right after they were done they put me in the recovery room and all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to talk to me and see what was wrong but I wouldn’t respond to them. They were worried because everything went “as smooth as butter” according to my Dr and nothing should have been causing me that much grief. They went and got Lucy and told her what was wrong and asked her if she could try to get me to talk. As she walked in she said she remembered it feeling kinda weird in there but she couldn’t figure out why. She said “April what is wrong? Are you OK?” I mumbled a reply, she thought I said “Where is he? Where is Trent?” Which she thought was odd because I knew that Trent (Lucy’s husband) couldn’t come. She replied “Trent? Remember April Trent couldn’t come!” Then I sat up and yelled “No!! Not Trent…Clint!! Where is Clint? Where did he go? He was just here with me!!!!!” She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say to me. The staff was asking her who I was talking about and what they should do. She then explained to them my situation and who Clint was and that moment is when she realized what she was feeling. She has no doubt in her mind that Clint was there with me that day, she could feel his presence and then all of them…Lucy, her mom and the Dr and Nurses started to cry with me. She said that she felt to tell me that everything was going to be OK and that I should go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I nodded and laid back on my pillow and went back to sleep. I woke up a while later surprised that the procedure was so fast and that I was feeling not much pain at all. Later that night Lucy told me what happened and I cried again. I was so worried about doing this with out Clint by my side and in reality he was there with me all along, I should’ve known he would be there. I hope that the people there that day will remember what happened and realize that the people we lose never really leave us.
I stayed the night there and the next day Lucy and her mom had to get back to AZ so I went to the home of my driver, she takes care of the patients for the Dr's at her house before they go back to the USA. I met 3 other women who had procedures the same day I did and I became friends with one of them. She had the same procedure done and she lives in Washington. We exchanged numbers so we can keep in touch and update each other on our progress. I flew back home the next day, which was Saturday, I had been gone from my kiddos for a whole week and I missed them so much. I was sore and hungry but happy to be home. My sisters did an AMAZING job taking care of them for me and I am forever grateful for them.
Since I have had this procedure I have lost 50 pounds and I have much more energy than I ever have. I am still a long ways from being where I want to be. I am not allowed to eat white sugar, white flour or carbonation, that was hard at first to stick to but I don't think about it anymore. I am going to the gym when I can and eating good foods and teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise. I love how I look, I am still not the skinniest person out there but I am happy with my appearance with one exception but sticking with the gym might help if not I know an excellent Drs in Tijuana and Phoenix who also do tummy tucks!!!! LOL
At the time yes it was all that mattered, I was happy, in love and struggling to lose weight so I could be happy with myself. So one day we were talking with some friends and came up with and idea. I needed a tool that could help me lose weight and sustain my new weight to help keep the weight from coming back...we decided that one of these days I was going to get the Lap-Band. After Clint passed away I was at my highest weight ever and I didn't know what to do. When I moved to Idaho I realized a couple of things #1: that Clint had to love me for eternity but the next man doesn't have to and he won't want someone who looks like me...does that make sense? and #2: my children need me healthy because I am the only parent they have left. I did the Body for Life program and I even did the have HCG diet and both gave me results but when I was done the weight I had lost came back. I was talking to my friend Lucy and she again suggested the Lap-Band, gave me her Dr's name and number in Tijuana and I made the call. I looked at my calendar and realized that the best time for me to go to Tijuana was the day I got back from my cruise since I would already be in San Diego.
I was so excited about going but also pretty scared. At the time Tijuana was having MAJOR issues with drug lords and all of that stuff. People were getting kidnapped, shot at and mugged. I wasn't worried about getting kidnapped I mean come on...I am not the skinniest, prettiest girl in the world so no one would want to kidnap me. But I was worried about getting shot at and mugged, I was carrying a boat load of cash to pay for my procedure and I had 4 little ones at home that would miss me but I prayed and felt OK about going. My Dr sent me a driver to pick me up at the dock and she was so sweet, she calmed my fears, talked me through what I would experience and got me there safely. The best thing I think I did was make sure that my friend Lucy and her Mom would be there with me. Lucy has been with this Dr for 10yrs and knows the ins and outs of everything there. Her mom speaks Spanish and since the night staff there doesn't speak English I thought it was best if she could come too.
I got there and they weighed me and got me all prepped for my procedure, now we just had to wait on the Dr who was being held up with another procedure, which was fine by me since it gave me time to catch up with Lucy and tell her about my cruise. Finally the time came for me to have my procedure...I am not going to lie...I was scared out of my mind but I knew everything was going to be OK. It was hard to go in there alone because Clint had been with me at every other surgery I have had, so this was a first. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep but I do remember some of the waking up part and let me tell you I didn't expect this...
So I don’t remember any of what I am going to tell you, all of this was told to me by Lucy. Right after they were done they put me in the recovery room and all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to talk to me and see what was wrong but I wouldn’t respond to them. They were worried because everything went “as smooth as butter” according to my Dr and nothing should have been causing me that much grief. They went and got Lucy and told her what was wrong and asked her if she could try to get me to talk. As she walked in she said she remembered it feeling kinda weird in there but she couldn’t figure out why. She said “April what is wrong? Are you OK?” I mumbled a reply, she thought I said “Where is he? Where is Trent?” Which she thought was odd because I knew that Trent (Lucy’s husband) couldn’t come. She replied “Trent? Remember April Trent couldn’t come!” Then I sat up and yelled “No!! Not Trent…Clint!! Where is Clint? Where did he go? He was just here with me!!!!!” She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say to me. The staff was asking her who I was talking about and what they should do. She then explained to them my situation and who Clint was and that moment is when she realized what she was feeling. She has no doubt in her mind that Clint was there with me that day, she could feel his presence and then all of them…Lucy, her mom and the Dr and Nurses started to cry with me. She said that she felt to tell me that everything was going to be OK and that I should go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I nodded and laid back on my pillow and went back to sleep. I woke up a while later surprised that the procedure was so fast and that I was feeling not much pain at all. Later that night Lucy told me what happened and I cried again. I was so worried about doing this with out Clint by my side and in reality he was there with me all along, I should’ve known he would be there. I hope that the people there that day will remember what happened and realize that the people we lose never really leave us.
I stayed the night there and the next day Lucy and her mom had to get back to AZ so I went to the home of my driver, she takes care of the patients for the Dr's at her house before they go back to the USA. I met 3 other women who had procedures the same day I did and I became friends with one of them. She had the same procedure done and she lives in Washington. We exchanged numbers so we can keep in touch and update each other on our progress. I flew back home the next day, which was Saturday, I had been gone from my kiddos for a whole week and I missed them so much. I was sore and hungry but happy to be home. My sisters did an AMAZING job taking care of them for me and I am forever grateful for them.
Since I have had this procedure I have lost 50 pounds and I have much more energy than I ever have. I am still a long ways from being where I want to be. I am not allowed to eat white sugar, white flour or carbonation, that was hard at first to stick to but I don't think about it anymore. I am going to the gym when I can and eating good foods and teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise. I love how I look, I am still not the skinniest person out there but I am happy with my appearance with one exception but sticking with the gym might help if not I know an excellent Drs in Tijuana and Phoenix who also do tummy tucks!!!! LOL
Thursday, August 19, 2010
It's the final cruise one, I promise!!
Wednesday was a pretty rough day for me. I woke up and got ready for the day and Jami was already off hanging out with the guy she hooked up on. I started walking around the ship yet again by myself. While I was wondering aimlessly I spotted Todd. Now let me tell you about Todd...Todd is in a group called Mountain Blue, they sing gospel/bluegrass music and they are AWESOME!!! His group performed for our singles group, Jami and I had met him at the beginning of the cruise, he is a great friend. Anyways when we talked before we realized that Todd and I are both classically trained singers. He spotted me and came and talked with me and we were comparing stories of our cruise experience so far. He was on his way to the party where we could meet all the staff from the ship and he remembered a conversation we had earlier in the trip and he said "Hey April what if we meet up later and sing together?" I said ABSOLUTELY, I was feeling pretty down and was in need of some music therapy. We decided to me in the Jeckyll and Hyde Lounge an hour before dinner for some acapella time. I was so excited and began counting down the hours.
After he left me I wandered out to the Lido Deck and got myself a spray on tattoo on my foot, it was a music staff with notes. It looked pretty dang good! As I was going back to my room I ran into a girl that I met on the cruise. She asked me what was wrong and I said "well I am pretty bummed that I am by myself again while Jami is off with a guy." "I didn't come on this cruise to fine my next husband or hook-up with someone, I just came to spend some time with my good friend." What she said actually floored me, I still can't believe she said this...she said "Well you know April you already had your chance at happiness, maybe you should give other people a turn." OK...she knew I was a widow...how does being a widow automatically disqualify me for happiness with someone else in the future? I just don't get it. I was speechless, I didn't know how to respond so I just told her I needed to go get a nap and that I would see her later. What she said really bothered me. I went back to my room and cried for a while...what she said plus with family telling me that I am not properly "mourning" my husband by going on a singles cruise just really was hard to get over. I have come to realize that if people think Clint would want me to be crying all the time and locked in my room all the time then they really didn't know him. He loved life and was always an optimist...he wants me to be happy and live my life...I know this because he told me.
Anyways after I napped Jami was back and I asked how her day was, I got up and got dressed for dinner and headed out to find Todd. We got to the lounge at the same time and he had another girl with him who wanted to sing with us, the more the merrier right!?! In all actuality she has a HUGE crush on Todd and I guess she wanted to woo him with her musical talent. So we started singing our favorite church songs and it was pretty fun until the other girl started complaining about singing alto she said "Sopranos have it so easy, they don't have to even learn harmony they just get to sing the melody, so that means Sopranos aren't the best musicians." I thought to myself "Oh no you didn't just say that!!!!" So I said "You know I love to harmonize why don't you just switch me for a while." Let's just say that she was shocked that I could sing both parts, really people it isn't attractive when you put other people down to make yourself look better. But despite the attitude it was really fun and Todd suggested that we sing a duet at karaoke that night, I was all for it. We decided after dinner to go straight to karaoke and pick our song.
Dinner that night was a sad affair, we were all sad that we were going to be back to the real world the next day and of course we were exchanging emails so we could find each other on facebook. I think my friends on facebook doubled from all of my cruise friends!! As we were eating dessert all of a sudden the lights start flickering and our waiters start SINGING AND DANCING!!!! It was so funny, our waiter picked Kathy and started dancing with her in the aisles. It was awesome to see them all getting down. After we stuffed ourselves with our warm chocolate melting cake for the last time and took a million pictures I excused myself to go find Todd and get ready for karaoke. I found Todd and we picked the most perfect song...Summer Lovin' from Grease!!! We had so much fun singing together and the crowd really loved it. Everyone was singing with us and we even got a standing ovation...granted most of them were drunk...by hey we got mad skills!!!
So after I had my aha moment I went back to my room, touched up my makeup, packed my bags and ran off to find all of my new friends playing cards in the restaurant. I got to bed late that night, got up early since I had to be off the ship at 8:30am for my next adventure (a quick trip to Mexico to start Phase I of the "new April" process). I gave Jami a huge hug and thanked her for convincing me to come on the cruise and made my way off the ship. As I got off the ship I turned around and looked at the ship and all of my friends and I couldn't believe that it took a cruise to Cabo for me to be at peace with all the decisions that I have made since September even if other people don't agree with them, Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. My car came and I was off to Mexico by myself and totally and completely scared out of my mind!!!!
After he left me I wandered out to the Lido Deck and got myself a spray on tattoo on my foot, it was a music staff with notes. It looked pretty dang good! As I was going back to my room I ran into a girl that I met on the cruise. She asked me what was wrong and I said "well I am pretty bummed that I am by myself again while Jami is off with a guy." "I didn't come on this cruise to fine my next husband or hook-up with someone, I just came to spend some time with my good friend." What she said actually floored me, I still can't believe she said this...she said "Well you know April you already had your chance at happiness, maybe you should give other people a turn." OK...she knew I was a widow...how does being a widow automatically disqualify me for happiness with someone else in the future? I just don't get it. I was speechless, I didn't know how to respond so I just told her I needed to go get a nap and that I would see her later. What she said really bothered me. I went back to my room and cried for a while...what she said plus with family telling me that I am not properly "mourning" my husband by going on a singles cruise just really was hard to get over. I have come to realize that if people think Clint would want me to be crying all the time and locked in my room all the time then they really didn't know him. He loved life and was always an optimist...he wants me to be happy and live my life...I know this because he told me.
Anyways after I napped Jami was back and I asked how her day was, I got up and got dressed for dinner and headed out to find Todd. We got to the lounge at the same time and he had another girl with him who wanted to sing with us, the more the merrier right!?! In all actuality she has a HUGE crush on Todd and I guess she wanted to woo him with her musical talent. So we started singing our favorite church songs and it was pretty fun until the other girl started complaining about singing alto she said "Sopranos have it so easy, they don't have to even learn harmony they just get to sing the melody, so that means Sopranos aren't the best musicians." I thought to myself "Oh no you didn't just say that!!!!" So I said "You know I love to harmonize why don't you just switch me for a while." Let's just say that she was shocked that I could sing both parts, really people it isn't attractive when you put other people down to make yourself look better. But despite the attitude it was really fun and Todd suggested that we sing a duet at karaoke that night, I was all for it. We decided after dinner to go straight to karaoke and pick our song.
Dinner that night was a sad affair, we were all sad that we were going to be back to the real world the next day and of course we were exchanging emails so we could find each other on facebook. I think my friends on facebook doubled from all of my cruise friends!! As we were eating dessert all of a sudden the lights start flickering and our waiters start SINGING AND DANCING!!!! It was so funny, our waiter picked Kathy and started dancing with her in the aisles. It was awesome to see them all getting down. After we stuffed ourselves with our warm chocolate melting cake for the last time and took a million pictures I excused myself to go find Todd and get ready for karaoke. I found Todd and we picked the most perfect song...Summer Lovin' from Grease!!! We had so much fun singing together and the crowd really loved it. Everyone was singing with us and we even got a standing ovation...granted most of them were drunk...by hey we got mad skills!!!
So after I had my aha moment I went back to my room, touched up my makeup, packed my bags and ran off to find all of my new friends playing cards in the restaurant. I got to bed late that night, got up early since I had to be off the ship at 8:30am for my next adventure (a quick trip to Mexico to start Phase I of the "new April" process). I gave Jami a huge hug and thanked her for convincing me to come on the cruise and made my way off the ship. As I got off the ship I turned around and looked at the ship and all of my friends and I couldn't believe that it took a cruise to Cabo for me to be at peace with all the decisions that I have made since September even if other people don't agree with them, Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. My car came and I was off to Mexico by myself and totally and completely scared out of my mind!!!!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Cruise Part 3
Monday morning we woke up totally excited...we were in Cabo San Lucas!!! It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL...crystal blue water, white sandy beaches and tons of people playing out in the water. We got dressed and took our pic (yeah we had a daily ritual...get dressed and take a pic...that was how we rolled!!) and had to wait in the longest line ever to get in our tender and head to shore. Our plans for the day was to go take our city tour of Cabo. We made it through security no problem and couldn't seem to find our tour guide after 10min or so look searching we found him. We boarded the bus and off we went. Our tour guide was HILARIOUS!! He reminded me of my History teacher from High School...he LOVED the sound of his voice. This guy was either talking or singing in the microphone the whole time!!! Our bus driver on the other hand was the strong silent type, his name is Ricardo and we had a blast with him...he was always around to take our pics for us!
We drove around Cabo and went to a glass factory where we watched them make a turtle out of hot, melted glass...it was amazing they are true artists there. Then we drove to another town and had the best Mexican food I have ever eaten, toured a really old church and of course did some shopping. After we had our fun we went back to Cabo, said goodbye to Ricardo and our tour guide and talked about heading back to the ship. On our way back we caught up with some of our friends, Jami decided to go with them to the beach and I took the next tinder out to the ship and took a much needed nap.
After my nap we got ready for dinner and began our hike up the ship. I was not feeling good all day and even though we had to walk up the 100 stairs I was sweating like crazy. I suddenly realized that my ear was killing me...yep I had an ear infection. I just wasn't myself at dinner and I was contemplating going to see the ship's doctor but I was afraid of how much it would cost. Kathy asked me at dinner what was up with me, I hadn't told anybody I was sick not even Jami, and I told Kathy that I had an ear infection. And OH MY GOSH she was my miracle in disguise...she had extra antibiotics from her last trip to Mexico...she gave me 3 and instructed me to take one a day and I should get better. After dinner they decided to go watch the hypnotist act that night and I tagged along because I have never seen one before even though I should've been sleeping.
It was so cool, one of Jami's friends got chose to go up on stage and it was so funny. I still can't believe that he could control their emotions like that he had them laughing, crying, cold, hot, angry, and some were even making out with people they didn't know. Jami's friend said she knew she was looking like an idiot but couldn't stop herself from doing it. I decided to call it a night and not go dancing that night with everyone. Then Jami told me that she was going with that group to go para-sail the next day instead of with me to go do the zip line. Yeah thanks, I was freaking out about doing the zip line but I decided it this was the place to face my fear...bring it on!!!
Tuesday I woke up kinda nervous and not feeling the best but I had to get on the tinder at the crack of dawn so I had to get moving. They said to dress in light clothes because we were going to be out in the desert so I found the best outfit I could and slipped out the door. I never got tired of riding the tinders to and from because it gave me time to enjoy the beauty of that area and watch animals swim in the water. I got there and found my group pretty quickly and sat next to a girl on the curb and waited. There were quite a few people that couldn't find us so we got a late start on our zip line day. The girl I was sitting next to was in the other LDS singles group and she was from Canada and was absolutely amazing, whenever I go to Canada she said I can stay with her. I was the only one from my singles group that was doing the zip line that day...I think the rest of them joined the para-sailing group last minute, we were missing quite a few people. We drove in a van for about 30min or so until we reached our destination...OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!! We were seriously out in the middle of desert...our guide's motto was "Extreme sport equals extreme workout!!" He wasn't kidding, we got our dorky looking gear on and listened to our presentation and then we started hiking to our first destination. We were set to do 9 different size zip lines that day the biggest one was 1500ft across a canyon and about that high in the air. The first was was really short, just to give you the feel of it. I got the hang of it pretty quick, it was such a rush and so much fun. When it came to the big one every one was screaming their way across...but me...I LOVED it!! I flew across a canyon with beautiful saguarao under me I was enjoying it too much to scream, lol!
We were out there for about 4 hours and then we went back and took off our dorky gear and chowed down on nachos...there is something about nachos with jalapenos that make me a happy girl. I bought a pic of me looking ridiculously dorky at the beginning of the big zip line and we headed back to the dock. When I got there I decided to go shopping for my sisters and my kids. I had luck on my side because I ran into Kathy and we went shopping together. Kathy is the most amazing person, she used to be a tour guide and grew up in Puerto Rico so she was the best person to have since she speaks spanish and was able to help me bargain (not barter, right Wid?) my prices. She and I developed a special connection and I can't wait to take my kids to San Diego, where she lives, and visit Aunt Kathy and spend the day at the beach with her.
We finished our shopping and headed back to the ship, I felt utterly disgusting...sweat and dirt mixed with humidity...not a pretty picture, right? The first thing I did when I got back to the ship was jump in the shower, I think I took the longest shower known to mankind! When I got back Jami was there and she said they waited all day to go para-sailing but because the line was huge they never go to go so they played on the beach all day! (LUCKY!!) We got to dinner and we weren't sure what our plans were for that night, thankfully we didn't have any plans and we came up with the best spontaneous idea ever!!!
We got me, Jami, Gueller, Justin and Steve and walked out the the very front of the ship and star gazed. Ok so it might sound a little lame but I loved it!! I am huge into stars, it is something that I have always loved. We layed on the deck of the ship, froze our butts off and saw TONS of shooting stars. It was pretty interesting because you are laying on the deck and the ship is swaying side to side and it really feels like you are going to fall off the ship, it was a weird sensation. Those guys really make anything and everything fun, we laughed the night away under the stars. If you ever go on a cruise you have to do this for me and then let me know how cool it was!!!
After we were done freezing outside we went back in and went to the dance club that is open in the evenings and danced the rest of the night away. We went back to our room to check our schedule for the next day and we were pretty bummed when we realized that the next day was our last full day on the ship and then it was back to reality. But deep in my heart I was really missing my kids and I was really looking forward to going home.
We drove around Cabo and went to a glass factory where we watched them make a turtle out of hot, melted glass...it was amazing they are true artists there. Then we drove to another town and had the best Mexican food I have ever eaten, toured a really old church and of course did some shopping. After we had our fun we went back to Cabo, said goodbye to Ricardo and our tour guide and talked about heading back to the ship. On our way back we caught up with some of our friends, Jami decided to go with them to the beach and I took the next tinder out to the ship and took a much needed nap.
After my nap we got ready for dinner and began our hike up the ship. I was not feeling good all day and even though we had to walk up the 100 stairs I was sweating like crazy. I suddenly realized that my ear was killing me...yep I had an ear infection. I just wasn't myself at dinner and I was contemplating going to see the ship's doctor but I was afraid of how much it would cost. Kathy asked me at dinner what was up with me, I hadn't told anybody I was sick not even Jami, and I told Kathy that I had an ear infection. And OH MY GOSH she was my miracle in disguise...she had extra antibiotics from her last trip to Mexico...she gave me 3 and instructed me to take one a day and I should get better. After dinner they decided to go watch the hypnotist act that night and I tagged along because I have never seen one before even though I should've been sleeping.
It was so cool, one of Jami's friends got chose to go up on stage and it was so funny. I still can't believe that he could control their emotions like that he had them laughing, crying, cold, hot, angry, and some were even making out with people they didn't know. Jami's friend said she knew she was looking like an idiot but couldn't stop herself from doing it. I decided to call it a night and not go dancing that night with everyone. Then Jami told me that she was going with that group to go para-sail the next day instead of with me to go do the zip line. Yeah thanks, I was freaking out about doing the zip line but I decided it this was the place to face my fear...bring it on!!!
Tuesday I woke up kinda nervous and not feeling the best but I had to get on the tinder at the crack of dawn so I had to get moving. They said to dress in light clothes because we were going to be out in the desert so I found the best outfit I could and slipped out the door. I never got tired of riding the tinders to and from because it gave me time to enjoy the beauty of that area and watch animals swim in the water. I got there and found my group pretty quickly and sat next to a girl on the curb and waited. There were quite a few people that couldn't find us so we got a late start on our zip line day. The girl I was sitting next to was in the other LDS singles group and she was from Canada and was absolutely amazing, whenever I go to Canada she said I can stay with her. I was the only one from my singles group that was doing the zip line that day...I think the rest of them joined the para-sailing group last minute, we were missing quite a few people. We drove in a van for about 30min or so until we reached our destination...OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!! We were seriously out in the middle of desert...our guide's motto was "Extreme sport equals extreme workout!!" He wasn't kidding, we got our dorky looking gear on and listened to our presentation and then we started hiking to our first destination. We were set to do 9 different size zip lines that day the biggest one was 1500ft across a canyon and about that high in the air. The first was was really short, just to give you the feel of it. I got the hang of it pretty quick, it was such a rush and so much fun. When it came to the big one every one was screaming their way across...but me...I LOVED it!! I flew across a canyon with beautiful saguarao under me I was enjoying it too much to scream, lol!
We were out there for about 4 hours and then we went back and took off our dorky gear and chowed down on nachos...there is something about nachos with jalapenos that make me a happy girl. I bought a pic of me looking ridiculously dorky at the beginning of the big zip line and we headed back to the dock. When I got there I decided to go shopping for my sisters and my kids. I had luck on my side because I ran into Kathy and we went shopping together. Kathy is the most amazing person, she used to be a tour guide and grew up in Puerto Rico so she was the best person to have since she speaks spanish and was able to help me bargain (not barter, right Wid?) my prices. She and I developed a special connection and I can't wait to take my kids to San Diego, where she lives, and visit Aunt Kathy and spend the day at the beach with her.
We finished our shopping and headed back to the ship, I felt utterly disgusting...sweat and dirt mixed with humidity...not a pretty picture, right? The first thing I did when I got back to the ship was jump in the shower, I think I took the longest shower known to mankind! When I got back Jami was there and she said they waited all day to go para-sailing but because the line was huge they never go to go so they played on the beach all day! (LUCKY!!) We got to dinner and we weren't sure what our plans were for that night, thankfully we didn't have any plans and we came up with the best spontaneous idea ever!!!
We got me, Jami, Gueller, Justin and Steve and walked out the the very front of the ship and star gazed. Ok so it might sound a little lame but I loved it!! I am huge into stars, it is something that I have always loved. We layed on the deck of the ship, froze our butts off and saw TONS of shooting stars. It was pretty interesting because you are laying on the deck and the ship is swaying side to side and it really feels like you are going to fall off the ship, it was a weird sensation. Those guys really make anything and everything fun, we laughed the night away under the stars. If you ever go on a cruise you have to do this for me and then let me know how cool it was!!!
After we were done freezing outside we went back in and went to the dance club that is open in the evenings and danced the rest of the night away. We went back to our room to check our schedule for the next day and we were pretty bummed when we realized that the next day was our last full day on the ship and then it was back to reality. But deep in my heart I was really missing my kids and I was really looking forward to going home.
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