...Saurday 1 ...

Wow ok I don't know why this has taken me so long to write about Saturday but here we go...Saturday morning of the conference came WAY to fast. Jami and I had gotten to bed pretty late and we had to leave around 8:30am to get her son to his sitter and drive an hour to Layton. On our way to Layton we were just talking about what we were going to experience and hoping that it wasn't full of just 70 year olds (no offense!!). We pulled into the parking lot and I got major butterflies...I said "Jami I have butterflies" and she looked at me and said "It is because your future husband is inside". I just looked at her and laughed...laughing helped put me at ease...we walked into the church.

We got checked in, our schedules and name tags and proceeded into where they were serving breakfast. We scanned the room and I was shocked...there were so many different ages and I couldn't get over how many of them were very close to my age!! We picked a table and I sat down and a girl looks at me and says "April"!?! I looked at her and I was so excited it was my friend Jacqui from Texas...we met over facebook she lost her husband in November. We hugged and she introduced me to her friend Kayla...also from Texas. I am amazed at how many people came from so many different states Heavenly Father's hand truly was in the safety and organization of this event. I looked around and spotted my fellow widows from the Boise area and chatted with them and then it was time for our first speaker.

We organized in the chapel and our speaker was Jozet Richardson. Her husband Lance Richardson wrote the book "The Message". (I truly recommend this book to everyone!!) He was in a coma and taken to the Spirit World for a while and was taught, instructed and told to write down what he remembered when he came back to his body to enlighten others. It gave me an idea of what Clint might have experienced when he passed away. She taught us of his life and what had happened and the true message of the book. The message of the book is service. Lance was told that service is the action form of love. She is now engaged to an awesome man who loves her and supports what she does...she knows what I am going through. She counseled "don't let circumstances determine your happiness. Happiness comes from your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ." She referred to 3 Nephi 17: 6-7 and said that we have been afflicted with this circumstance but we need to put our life in Christ's hands and let him heal us and our hearts so that we may live this life to the fullest. She closed with "hang on and follow the spirit."

For the next couple of hours we had workshops. There were so many to choose from I wish that I could have attended all of them but overall I was extremely happy with my choices...

My first one was: Moving Forward and Loving Again by Byron Bair. The first thing he said was "you are here because you think I am going to teach you how to get married again don't you?" "Well you are wrong...we will be working on all types of relationships in your life." The first thing he stressed was that we need to remember that we are not alone even if we feel like we are. He then described our life like a garden and we have been told to dress and keep it like Adam and Eve were told to dress and keep the garden of Eden. He said that all of you have suffered a loss so that means that you are missing a very valuable plant in your garden. As we go through this loss we tend to focus on the empty hole and neglect the rest of our garden...our kids, parents, family and friends. The answer isn't to buy a new tree to put into the hole...because it can't be filled or replaced... but to tend to the rest of our garden and when it is time for a new plant to enter into our life to make room in our garden, dig a new hole and plant the new seed and THAT relationship will bloom and grow stronger over time. He went on to tell us how to repair our garden and get it established and blossoming again. Alot of the times children suffer the most when a parent is in grief and we need to wake up and gather them to us and bond with them again so that we don't lose them. The cool thing about his presentation was that he used Alma 32: 26-43 as an example of how to build a good relationship. Once our garden is fully established with our family and friends then we can focus on dating if that is what we choose to do. He gave us tips on how to know a good seed from a bad seed and once we know a good seed we have to: nourish it (communicate), listen and understand it, Allow it to get root (allow time to strengthen and deepen the relationship), have great diligence (apply effort and work towards the relationship), have patience (be willing to work and wait for the right season), look forward to the fruit (be ready to commit when the time comes), and the right type of harvest (relationship) will come and you know it is a good one because it will bring joy.

The next workshop I was really looking forward to it was: Helping Children Grieve and Heal by Kent Allen. This was the biggest reason I came to the conference...to be able to help my children. He is so very knowledgeable and gave me so many tips to help them and he even talked with me afterwards one on one and gave me specific helps for my children. He does a free counseling group in Layton, UT and I wish that I lived close enough to get to those. For kids 0-3yrs he said...they can't distinguish between fact and fiction so we have to tell them the truth simply. (I know this...Nathan told his Dr that his daddy was killed by a bad guy.) They are too young to have memories of their own and we need to help them with memories that we share. He even suggested to put the slide show that was made for the viewing to children's songbook music and leave it out to where they can watch it whenever they want. They crave normalcy so they want the grieving over quickly and when they do grieve they get angry and we need to grieve with them so they know it is ok. For children 4-10yrs they heal quickly and want the grief over...they may seem uncaring to you but that is how they deal with it. They tend to grieve more the 2nd year than the 1st year so be ready to grieve with them again...even if you are feeling better. You need to get them focused on something else to get them to open up like play a game or something and they will just start talking about it without even thinking. Watch out for anger, crying, grades dropping or anything else that isn't normal for the child so you can intervene quickly. I have more tips for older children but these were the only ages that I am worried about right now in my life. I learned that grief isn't something that you experience and then get over. You will experience it during different things in your life but each time it gets a little bit easier. Just let your children know it is ok to be sad but we need to keep on going because that is what daddy/mommy wants us to do.

After this workshop was lunch. I sat down with a group of people and the guy at the table says "hey you are that Arizona girl that just moved to Idaho!!" I looked at his name badge and was shocked it was Darren...he is from Arizona and we met on facebook as well. He had a whole group of people from Arizona with him and they let me know that when I am there visiting to let them know so we can get together. I guess I didn't realize how many people know me or of me and it was pretty interesting. My mind was soo overloaded and I was processing everything that I kinda withdrew myself from the social aspect. I didn't hang out with Jami's Utah group because they were always talking and laughing and I just needed my space to think. So far everything that I heard was exactly what I needed and I thanked our Father in Heaven many times that day for it. After the yummy food at lunch we had another fireside, workshop and what I was looking forward to...a panel of remarried widows there to answer questions about blending families.

to be continued...