I seriously can't believe that I have been widowed for 1 year! To quote my friend Wid "I have reached 1 year in a club that no one wants to be in." So much has happened in my life since then but when you are approaching your year mark something happens to your brain and it wants to replay everything that you went through leading up to that last moment with the person you love. And let me tell you...it hurts, can sneak up on you anytime and can consume you leaving you numb once again and fighting to get your life back in some kind of order. While I was going through this the memories that stood out to me the most were the memories of our last week, lots happened that week and not many people know the whole story of what we went through the last several years but I feel impressed to share what we went through the last week. Maybe it can help someone, maybe it will shed some light on what an amazing man he was or maybe...just maybe it will help me work through all the guilt, sadness and shock that I feel some days when I look back on that week.
So a quick rundown of what had happened so far: Clint started getting sick with stomach problems in November of 2007, March of 2008 we are told he was anemic and had Ulcerative Colitis, March of 2009 official diagnosis is Stage IV Metastatic Colon Cancer (already spread to the Liver), that same day he started chemo, end of July 2009 we realize chemo is shrinking the tumors outside of the colon but is not touching the liver so we decided to do a surgery that would remove the colon and hopefully get the chemo penetrating the liver so we could get some progress there even though that once the surgery was done he had to wait 6 weeks for chemo again, we did the surgery and find his whole abdomen plus major organs are covered in cancer. He spent 2 weeks in the ICU where he swears he saw angels looking over him at night and 1 week in a regular room then came home. We met with his Oncologist he is pretty worried about him and wants to start chemo the next week so we made an appointment, Clint stops eating and gets admitted back in the hospital and this is where our last week starts...
After he is admitted to the hospital the Doctors have a pow-wow of what to do with him. They decided to hook him up to get some vitamins and minerals and fluids in him. I was extremely worried about the fact that he wasn't eating and he was planning on getting chemo so I talked to the surgeon to try and get him to give him a feeding tube and I was shocked with how our conversation turned out. He basically told me that he refuses to give him a feeding tube because there is no point in prolonging the inevitable. Now I am not a person that does confrontation well but when he said that to me I will admit that I hit my breaking point and went off on the Doctor. I was so upset and went back to Clint's room to talk about what we should do to keep this fight going. He stayed in there for a couple of days and then on the 22nd they discharged him and we went straight to a Chuck Wicks concert, my sister had got us tickets and back stage passes from when she met his bus driver (a really cool story). Clint was in his wheel chair and had the biggest smile, he truly lived life all the way up to the end.
The day after the concert he told me that there was no way that he could do chemo the next day because he didn't feel strong enough. He wanted me to take him to Scottsdale to his Homeopathic Dr for a Vitamin C treatment to boost him for chemo. I said OK (reluctantly) and rescheduled his chemo for the following week and made plans to head to Scottsdale on Thursday. We left early Thursday morning and went off to see Dr. Ber, and we had so much fun. It was a 3hr treatment and we just sat and talked the whole time. On the way home I wanted a Starbucks frappaccino and I surprised him with a Caramel Apple Cider and he said that was the best thing he had ever tasted. *It is amazing the little things you remember after a year* He was feeling so good, I remember that day being full of fun and laughter.
The next day he was sleeping in the recliner and I was in and out of the house all day running errands and stuff. I didn't think anything about him sleeping all day until that evening when I looked at him and something wasn't right, I could just feel it. I had my sister take the kids away from the house and I called my good friend, Jason Foutz, to let him know that something was wrong with Clint and I didn't know what to do. He raced over to my house with a guy from church with him and they urged me to call Clint's home nurse (we had just gotten her, her job was to come once a week and take his vitals and see if he needs any supplies for his ostomy bag) she drove from Pima to my house in 15 minutes!! She took his vitals and looked at me and said "April you have two options...you can let him die here or you can call an ambulance!!" I was in shock, there was no way, NO WAY that he was going to die...we just had a great time in Phoenix...he was supposed to beat his cancer. I don't really remember making the call but someone did and Jason and Brother Buckley gave Clint a blessing and we waited for the ambulance.
They got there so quick and started checking his vitals and they realized that he had no insulin in his body. They put him in the back and started pumping him full of insulin, I hopped in the front and off we went. The drive to the hospital from my house to the hospital is maybe 5min at the most. Once we got there I hopped out and rushed to the back and there he was alert and talking. I said a quick prayer of thanks and Clint then looked at me and said "What am I doing here?" I told him "Well you freaked me out so we need to get you checked out. He said nothing in response and we got him in a room in the ER and they hooked him up to a continuous line of insulin. The Dr's get him all settled and go off to get him a room in the ICU and he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and said the thing that is burned in my memory forever..."April, it is my time to go home." Time stopped, ,my world stood still as I tried to process what he just told me and then I went into complete meltdown mode. I couldn't believe what he was telling me...he then proceeded to tell me that he didn't want to be revived, he didn't want to take any meds that were going to keep him here...this needed to happen and it was going to happen quickly. I think my mind was numb but when he said to revive him I got fire back in my mind and said "Did you pray about it?" (knowing full well that he was just in a coma in my house and couldn't have possibly prayed about it. He looked at me with a sweet patient smile and eyes that seemed to know more than I could ever comprehend and said "No honey I haven't but would you like me to?" I said "Yes" He said "Fine I will but YOU need to as well."
The nurses then came in and said his room was ready they took him into the ICU and I had to wait in a waiting room until they were done getting him settled. I went back into his room when he told me to tell the nurses about the DNR (do not revive) and everything else he told me. I shook my head and said "I will not tell them that because if it was up to me I would do everything in my power to keep you here." The nurse came back and he proceeded to tell them his wishes and all I could do was melt into a puddle on the floor and bawl. I have to say that the nurses we had were the most amazing people ever, they let me have my freak out moment then they took me by my hand and said "Come on honey, why don't you come sit by your husband and we'll find you some place to sleep." I agreed and sat in a chair next to him and couldn't believe the next words out of his mouth "April I don't want you to sleep here tonight. You need to go home and sleep so you can face what is coming. On your way home call my family, they need to get here quickly if they want to say goodbye."
I don't know how I made it out those doors but I got in my car and immediately got on my phone to his oldest brother, Ryan. It was 2:30am AZ time so I think it might have been 5:30am Texas time. Thankfully they answered their phone and the sound of Aften's voice was enough to start my meltdown again, but they got the message and started calling everyone as soon as I got off the phone with them. I went home and tried to sleep but it was a restless one and got up at 6:30am Saturday morning, said my prayer...got my answer and went back to the hospital. Somehow I called my family and told them what was going on but I don't remember doing so.
That day is such a blur to me, somehow word got out about Clint's condition and it spread like wildfire. He had about 100 people in his room that day to say their goodbyes to him. He was amazing he talked to every single person, gave them advice for their life and promised to send their love to loved ones who have died...he even took the time to commit to memory the name of the deceased loved ones. While we were waiting for his family we knew we needed to tell our children and I had no idea what to say. I was dreading this part, how in the world does a Mom tell her children that their Dad is dying? I think Heavenly Father was watching out for me because I brought Mathew and Ben in to see Clint and I sat them down to explain to them what was happening and all of a sudden my Stake President, President Sanders walked in. He looked at me and seemed to know what I was trying to do and he then proceeded to tell them what was going on and in words that kids could understand. After he told them I swear to you that I could hear their little hearts break and they broke down. Everyone in that room was crying me, Clint, the kids, the nurses and President Sanders and his wife. I hope that I never have to see my children's hearts break again, I don't know if I can handle it. I had the kids, all 4 of them take turns to say their goodbyes to their dad and I had my sister keep them from the hospital until he passed away.
Around 9pm Clint asked for me, my mom. his mom and my cousin Joy to be with him and then he told the Nurses that he was ready to be unhooked from his IVs, specifically the insulin, and he was ready to go. They called our family Dr and he came in to unhook him himself, and he cried the whole time he did it. His family hung around for a while after that and around Midnight I asked the nurses to ask them to leave so we could have some alone time. I know my husband and he didn't like everyone staring at him waiting for him to die, he wanted it to be the two of us. They left and around 3am Sunday morning his last brother (that could come quickly) came in the room to say his goodbye. After he left the room Clint went back into his coma. We were amazed that without the insulin he stayed out of his coma for 6 hours, but he really wanted to see this brother so he did it. I don't remember falling asleep but I remember waking up at almost 5am upset with myself for sleeping...who sleeps when they know that could be their husband's last night!?! At 6am the night shift nurses came in and said they were off the clock and wanted to sit with me. For 2 hours they held my hand and cried with me, from all of Clint's hospital stays they got to know him pretty well,
Several hours went by and I needed to go to the bathroom, in this hospital they don't have a bathroom in the ICU so I had to go out in the main hospital to use one. As I got up to leave I felt that I needed to tell him that I would be right back, so I did. Once I got out there I got ambushed by his family, they were all wanting updates and so I was gone for longer than I wanted to be and I had this feeling that I needed to get back in there asap. I sat on the bed next to him and I started singing to him and pouring my heart out to him. I had told him most of the night, when I wasn't sleeping, that he just needed to go and that I was going to be OK. He had looked out for me since the day we met and I knew he was hanging on for me. I told him that I would be OK but I didn't believe it in my heart until something clicked inside of me and I knew for sure that I was going to be OK. I told him this one last time and he took a big gasp of air, for a brief second I got excited I thought he was going to talk to me so I turned to look at him and as soon as I looked at him and the monitors and all the numbers on there zeroed out and it started beeping...
The nurses ran in and I kept saying that I didn't know what happened or what was going on and they finally took me by the shoulders and said "April, he is gone." And yet again I had a freak out moment. All of the family had gone and so they called our friend Riley who was at church. He got the call and rushed out of church and everyone there says that when they saw him leave they knew what had happened. He ran into the room and held me while I cried and cried and cried. I got my voice and called my cousin Joy to tell her to bring the kids. I looked at him and thought "Oh my gosh who is that man in the bed, he isn't my Clint!" I learned that day that when you fall in love you really do fall in love with the spirit of the person not just their body. Family came, my kids came and I told the nurses to call the mortuary. While I waited for them to come all of a sudden I felt like I was wrapped in the biggest, warmest hug I have ever experienced. That feeling stayed with me all the way through the funeral.
I know this is long buy this is the story people have been asking me to tell. It hasn't been easy I started writing it on my 1year mark and I finished it on my 15 month mark...it took me 3 months to write this. I experienced all of the emotions over again. My friends lost their 6yr old son the beginning of the month and that has made reliving this even more hard. I finally though have stopped "what if'ing" myself...what if I had made him go to chemo, what if I had begged him to stay, what if I had been more assertive with his specialist and demanded a second opinion what if...what it...what it...I have learned this past year that I believe that Clint and I knew this was going to happen before we were born, that we agreed to have this trial. There is nothing that could have kept this from happening to us, it was supposed to happen. I have changed, yes that is true. But you can't expect people to go through this and it not change them in some way I came to a point where I had to decide this can make me bitter or this can make me better and I chose to be better. I have decided to live Clint's legacy of optimism, a love of life and service. I know that he wants me to get remarried one day and I feel blessed to know that I already have his blessing on this matter. I have learned to make decisions for myself and my children and to be confident in them even when others don't agree, I have a cheerleader in Heaven that overshadows any of their negativity. It as taken a lot and some time to learn all of this but now I don't feel guilty whatsoever to start a "new" life while remembering and honoring the "old" life. I love Clint with all of my heart and I always will but I believe Heavenly Father will expand my heart to love someone new that will help love and raise our children they way Clint would want them raised. So this is what I have learned the first year, I wonder what I will have learned the end of the 2nd year...only time will tell!!!!!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Happy Birthday to You
As I was recovering from my surgery I had my birthday and it pretty much sucked. I was on a liquid diet and in pain so we didn’t do anything but that wasn’t the reason it sucked. It sucked because on this birthday I became the same age as Clint. That was NEVER supposed to happen he was ALWAYS supposed to be a year to two years older than me. It was so hard coming to the realization…I was going to out live him by a long shot…so needless to say I was pretty depressed. Thankfully my sisters were there to pick up my slack and try their hardest to get me out of that funk, I am eternally grateful for them.
A few weeks after my birthday passed I was talking with Jami about what we should do for her birthday. I decided that I was going to hang out with her for her birthday and that we had better do something fun. We came up with the BEST idea…watch a movie in the park!!! We were so excited, we planned to watch The Princess Bride and have tons of munchies for everyone, she invited everyone she knew and everything was set.
I arrived at her house a day early and we did our ritual bonding…shopping , pedicures and talking most of the night. The next day we shopped like crazy getting everything ready for her party. I brought two of my kids with me and she needed a babysitter and my AMAZING brother and sister-in-law agreed to watch them for us. I dropped off the kiddos and hurried to the park…I was running late and I had ALL of the munchies. I got there and there was already people there (hasn’t anyone heard of Mormon standard time!! Geeze!) . I started getting stuff out of my car and all of a sudden there is a man standing next to me who says “Is all of this for the party or do you always carry this much food in your trunk?” I started laughing and looked up and Oh.My.Gosh…it was Wid!!!!
OK a quick rundown on who this guy is: He is a really attractive widower who had taken Jami out on some dates and yes I will admit I started having a crush on him even though I had never talked to him.
Anyways…I told him everything was for the party and we quickly got it unloaded. We had a while until the movie started (we had to wait for the sun to go down) so Wid asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said sure let’s play some volleyball. I thought that was a safe choice for myself since I was better at volleyball than softball. We quickly got teams together and started playing and you will not believe what he did…HE TRASH TALKED ME!!! Oh yes he did so what did I do? I trash talked back!!! It was so funny, I love it when a guy will tease back and forth with me. We had a good time playing and sadly my team lost. I will admit I wasn’t playing to the best of my abilities because I had a huge pile of cow poop in my way that I didn’t want to step on because I was barefoot. I do believe a re-match is in order…
After that was over he decided he wanted to play softball…ugh…not my best sport remember!?! But being the trooper that I am I put on a smile and did my best. I will admit he rocked at this sport and I did OK, I actually hit the ball several times!!! I know I even shocked myself!! Wid even broke the bat, yeah he was up to bat and swung with all his might and…CRACK…there went the bat, it was pretty awesome!! I think maybe this year I will play on the church softball team so I can brush up on my skills.
Thankfully I was saved by the sunset, the sun finally started to go down so we put the baseball stuff away. Then the picture fest began, it is funny to me when you are at a function like this everyone has to take pictures. I think it was after the thousandth picture we finally were able to start the movie. I have to say if you have never watched a movie in the park you really need to, there is just something about it that makes it cool! I found a seat by Jami on her blanket and Wid sat with some other people. You know how when you like someone you wish they would sit by you, hold your hand or put their arms around you to warm you up? Yeah I had those thoughts during the whole movie, I don’t think I really paid attention to the movie. My mind was busy analyzing the night and thinking about the guy who had made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a LONG time.
The movie ended and he had to leave really fast because he had a long drive ahead of him to get back home. He squeezed my shoulder said goodbye then said goodbye to Jami and he was gone. The girly-girl in me started thinking of all the things we had in common, how much fun we had and when I could get back here to see him again. The common sense girl in me was saying there were better girls for him, don’t get attached to him, he is way out of your league, just be his friend, blah blah blah. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what is in store for your life and hope that maybe, just maybe someone like Wid will come your way and help you love life again.
A few weeks after my birthday passed I was talking with Jami about what we should do for her birthday. I decided that I was going to hang out with her for her birthday and that we had better do something fun. We came up with the BEST idea…watch a movie in the park!!! We were so excited, we planned to watch The Princess Bride and have tons of munchies for everyone, she invited everyone she knew and everything was set.
I arrived at her house a day early and we did our ritual bonding…shopping , pedicures and talking most of the night. The next day we shopped like crazy getting everything ready for her party. I brought two of my kids with me and she needed a babysitter and my AMAZING brother and sister-in-law agreed to watch them for us. I dropped off the kiddos and hurried to the park…I was running late and I had ALL of the munchies. I got there and there was already people there (hasn’t anyone heard of Mormon standard time!! Geeze!) . I started getting stuff out of my car and all of a sudden there is a man standing next to me who says “Is all of this for the party or do you always carry this much food in your trunk?” I started laughing and looked up and Oh.My.Gosh…it was Wid!!!!
OK a quick rundown on who this guy is: He is a really attractive widower who had taken Jami out on some dates and yes I will admit I started having a crush on him even though I had never talked to him.
Anyways…I told him everything was for the party and we quickly got it unloaded. We had a while until the movie started (we had to wait for the sun to go down) so Wid asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said sure let’s play some volleyball. I thought that was a safe choice for myself since I was better at volleyball than softball. We quickly got teams together and started playing and you will not believe what he did…HE TRASH TALKED ME!!! Oh yes he did so what did I do? I trash talked back!!! It was so funny, I love it when a guy will tease back and forth with me. We had a good time playing and sadly my team lost. I will admit I wasn’t playing to the best of my abilities because I had a huge pile of cow poop in my way that I didn’t want to step on because I was barefoot. I do believe a re-match is in order…
After that was over he decided he wanted to play softball…ugh…not my best sport remember!?! But being the trooper that I am I put on a smile and did my best. I will admit he rocked at this sport and I did OK, I actually hit the ball several times!!! I know I even shocked myself!! Wid even broke the bat, yeah he was up to bat and swung with all his might and…CRACK…there went the bat, it was pretty awesome!! I think maybe this year I will play on the church softball team so I can brush up on my skills.
Thankfully I was saved by the sunset, the sun finally started to go down so we put the baseball stuff away. Then the picture fest began, it is funny to me when you are at a function like this everyone has to take pictures. I think it was after the thousandth picture we finally were able to start the movie. I have to say if you have never watched a movie in the park you really need to, there is just something about it that makes it cool! I found a seat by Jami on her blanket and Wid sat with some other people. You know how when you like someone you wish they would sit by you, hold your hand or put their arms around you to warm you up? Yeah I had those thoughts during the whole movie, I don’t think I really paid attention to the movie. My mind was busy analyzing the night and thinking about the guy who had made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a LONG time.
The movie ended and he had to leave really fast because he had a long drive ahead of him to get back home. He squeezed my shoulder said goodbye then said goodbye to Jami and he was gone. The girly-girl in me started thinking of all the things we had in common, how much fun we had and when I could get back here to see him again. The common sense girl in me was saying there were better girls for him, don’t get attached to him, he is way out of your league, just be his friend, blah blah blah. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what is in store for your life and hope that maybe, just maybe someone like Wid will come your way and help you love life again.
Uh oh
I was just re-reading my last post and realized that a major part of what happened to me in Tijuana is missing!!! Somehow it got deleted...it is the section of what happened when I woke up from my surgery I am going to add it now, so go re-read that post before reading the next one I am going to put up here tonight! :)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tijuana here I come!!
Here are some things that you should know about me...obesity runs in my family, I used to be a toothpick when I got married but have 4 big children via c-section packed on weight and when I am under stress I am not one of the lucky ones that lose weight...I gain weight. It seems like I can just smell a doughnut and here comes 5 pounds. This is one of the things that I used to proclaim "wasn't fair" in my life and Clint would always counter "life is fair April...it just isn't equal" then I would usually roll my eyes and continue to fume inside (yes I have a bratty side). When I married Clint I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. As I continued to be happily married to him (while gaining weight) I knew that I was the luckiest girl in the world. Not once did he ever talk down to me because of the weight that I gained. He used to tell me "April it really doesn't matter, after we die our bodies will be restored to its perfect state. Then we will have eternity like that together, this is just a small bit of time, I love you just the way you are!!! Isn't that all that matters?"
At the time yes it was all that mattered, I was happy, in love and struggling to lose weight so I could be happy with myself. So one day we were talking with some friends and came up with and idea. I needed a tool that could help me lose weight and sustain my new weight to help keep the weight from coming back...we decided that one of these days I was going to get the Lap-Band. After Clint passed away I was at my highest weight ever and I didn't know what to do. When I moved to Idaho I realized a couple of things #1: that Clint had to love me for eternity but the next man doesn't have to and he won't want someone who looks like me...does that make sense? and #2: my children need me healthy because I am the only parent they have left. I did the Body for Life program and I even did the have HCG diet and both gave me results but when I was done the weight I had lost came back. I was talking to my friend Lucy and she again suggested the Lap-Band, gave me her Dr's name and number in Tijuana and I made the call. I looked at my calendar and realized that the best time for me to go to Tijuana was the day I got back from my cruise since I would already be in San Diego.
I was so excited about going but also pretty scared. At the time Tijuana was having MAJOR issues with drug lords and all of that stuff. People were getting kidnapped, shot at and mugged. I wasn't worried about getting kidnapped I mean come on...I am not the skinniest, prettiest girl in the world so no one would want to kidnap me. But I was worried about getting shot at and mugged, I was carrying a boat load of cash to pay for my procedure and I had 4 little ones at home that would miss me but I prayed and felt OK about going. My Dr sent me a driver to pick me up at the dock and she was so sweet, she calmed my fears, talked me through what I would experience and got me there safely. The best thing I think I did was make sure that my friend Lucy and her Mom would be there with me. Lucy has been with this Dr for 10yrs and knows the ins and outs of everything there. Her mom speaks Spanish and since the night staff there doesn't speak English I thought it was best if she could come too.
I got there and they weighed me and got me all prepped for my procedure, now we just had to wait on the Dr who was being held up with another procedure, which was fine by me since it gave me time to catch up with Lucy and tell her about my cruise. Finally the time came for me to have my procedure...I am not going to lie...I was scared out of my mind but I knew everything was going to be OK. It was hard to go in there alone because Clint had been with me at every other surgery I have had, so this was a first. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep but I do remember some of the waking up part and let me tell you I didn't expect this...
So I don’t remember any of what I am going to tell you, all of this was told to me by Lucy. Right after they were done they put me in the recovery room and all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to talk to me and see what was wrong but I wouldn’t respond to them. They were worried because everything went “as smooth as butter” according to my Dr and nothing should have been causing me that much grief. They went and got Lucy and told her what was wrong and asked her if she could try to get me to talk. As she walked in she said she remembered it feeling kinda weird in there but she couldn’t figure out why. She said “April what is wrong? Are you OK?” I mumbled a reply, she thought I said “Where is he? Where is Trent?” Which she thought was odd because I knew that Trent (Lucy’s husband) couldn’t come. She replied “Trent? Remember April Trent couldn’t come!” Then I sat up and yelled “No!! Not Trent…Clint!! Where is Clint? Where did he go? He was just here with me!!!!!” She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say to me. The staff was asking her who I was talking about and what they should do. She then explained to them my situation and who Clint was and that moment is when she realized what she was feeling. She has no doubt in her mind that Clint was there with me that day, she could feel his presence and then all of them…Lucy, her mom and the Dr and Nurses started to cry with me. She said that she felt to tell me that everything was going to be OK and that I should go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I nodded and laid back on my pillow and went back to sleep. I woke up a while later surprised that the procedure was so fast and that I was feeling not much pain at all. Later that night Lucy told me what happened and I cried again. I was so worried about doing this with out Clint by my side and in reality he was there with me all along, I should’ve known he would be there. I hope that the people there that day will remember what happened and realize that the people we lose never really leave us.
I stayed the night there and the next day Lucy and her mom had to get back to AZ so I went to the home of my driver, she takes care of the patients for the Dr's at her house before they go back to the USA. I met 3 other women who had procedures the same day I did and I became friends with one of them. She had the same procedure done and she lives in Washington. We exchanged numbers so we can keep in touch and update each other on our progress. I flew back home the next day, which was Saturday, I had been gone from my kiddos for a whole week and I missed them so much. I was sore and hungry but happy to be home. My sisters did an AMAZING job taking care of them for me and I am forever grateful for them.
Since I have had this procedure I have lost 50 pounds and I have much more energy than I ever have. I am still a long ways from being where I want to be. I am not allowed to eat white sugar, white flour or carbonation, that was hard at first to stick to but I don't think about it anymore. I am going to the gym when I can and eating good foods and teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise. I love how I look, I am still not the skinniest person out there but I am happy with my appearance with one exception but sticking with the gym might help if not I know an excellent Drs in Tijuana and Phoenix who also do tummy tucks!!!! LOL
At the time yes it was all that mattered, I was happy, in love and struggling to lose weight so I could be happy with myself. So one day we were talking with some friends and came up with and idea. I needed a tool that could help me lose weight and sustain my new weight to help keep the weight from coming back...we decided that one of these days I was going to get the Lap-Band. After Clint passed away I was at my highest weight ever and I didn't know what to do. When I moved to Idaho I realized a couple of things #1: that Clint had to love me for eternity but the next man doesn't have to and he won't want someone who looks like me...does that make sense? and #2: my children need me healthy because I am the only parent they have left. I did the Body for Life program and I even did the have HCG diet and both gave me results but when I was done the weight I had lost came back. I was talking to my friend Lucy and she again suggested the Lap-Band, gave me her Dr's name and number in Tijuana and I made the call. I looked at my calendar and realized that the best time for me to go to Tijuana was the day I got back from my cruise since I would already be in San Diego.
I was so excited about going but also pretty scared. At the time Tijuana was having MAJOR issues with drug lords and all of that stuff. People were getting kidnapped, shot at and mugged. I wasn't worried about getting kidnapped I mean come on...I am not the skinniest, prettiest girl in the world so no one would want to kidnap me. But I was worried about getting shot at and mugged, I was carrying a boat load of cash to pay for my procedure and I had 4 little ones at home that would miss me but I prayed and felt OK about going. My Dr sent me a driver to pick me up at the dock and she was so sweet, she calmed my fears, talked me through what I would experience and got me there safely. The best thing I think I did was make sure that my friend Lucy and her Mom would be there with me. Lucy has been with this Dr for 10yrs and knows the ins and outs of everything there. Her mom speaks Spanish and since the night staff there doesn't speak English I thought it was best if she could come too.
I got there and they weighed me and got me all prepped for my procedure, now we just had to wait on the Dr who was being held up with another procedure, which was fine by me since it gave me time to catch up with Lucy and tell her about my cruise. Finally the time came for me to have my procedure...I am not going to lie...I was scared out of my mind but I knew everything was going to be OK. It was hard to go in there alone because Clint had been with me at every other surgery I have had, so this was a first. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep but I do remember some of the waking up part and let me tell you I didn't expect this...
So I don’t remember any of what I am going to tell you, all of this was told to me by Lucy. Right after they were done they put me in the recovery room and all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. They tried to talk to me and see what was wrong but I wouldn’t respond to them. They were worried because everything went “as smooth as butter” according to my Dr and nothing should have been causing me that much grief. They went and got Lucy and told her what was wrong and asked her if she could try to get me to talk. As she walked in she said she remembered it feeling kinda weird in there but she couldn’t figure out why. She said “April what is wrong? Are you OK?” I mumbled a reply, she thought I said “Where is he? Where is Trent?” Which she thought was odd because I knew that Trent (Lucy’s husband) couldn’t come. She replied “Trent? Remember April Trent couldn’t come!” Then I sat up and yelled “No!! Not Trent…Clint!! Where is Clint? Where did he go? He was just here with me!!!!!” She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say to me. The staff was asking her who I was talking about and what they should do. She then explained to them my situation and who Clint was and that moment is when she realized what she was feeling. She has no doubt in her mind that Clint was there with me that day, she could feel his presence and then all of them…Lucy, her mom and the Dr and Nurses started to cry with me. She said that she felt to tell me that everything was going to be OK and that I should go back to sleep and then all of a sudden I nodded and laid back on my pillow and went back to sleep. I woke up a while later surprised that the procedure was so fast and that I was feeling not much pain at all. Later that night Lucy told me what happened and I cried again. I was so worried about doing this with out Clint by my side and in reality he was there with me all along, I should’ve known he would be there. I hope that the people there that day will remember what happened and realize that the people we lose never really leave us.
I stayed the night there and the next day Lucy and her mom had to get back to AZ so I went to the home of my driver, she takes care of the patients for the Dr's at her house before they go back to the USA. I met 3 other women who had procedures the same day I did and I became friends with one of them. She had the same procedure done and she lives in Washington. We exchanged numbers so we can keep in touch and update each other on our progress. I flew back home the next day, which was Saturday, I had been gone from my kiddos for a whole week and I missed them so much. I was sore and hungry but happy to be home. My sisters did an AMAZING job taking care of them for me and I am forever grateful for them.
Since I have had this procedure I have lost 50 pounds and I have much more energy than I ever have. I am still a long ways from being where I want to be. I am not allowed to eat white sugar, white flour or carbonation, that was hard at first to stick to but I don't think about it anymore. I am going to the gym when I can and eating good foods and teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise. I love how I look, I am still not the skinniest person out there but I am happy with my appearance with one exception but sticking with the gym might help if not I know an excellent Drs in Tijuana and Phoenix who also do tummy tucks!!!! LOL
Thursday, August 19, 2010
It's the final cruise one, I promise!!
Wednesday was a pretty rough day for me. I woke up and got ready for the day and Jami was already off hanging out with the guy she hooked up on. I started walking around the ship yet again by myself. While I was wondering aimlessly I spotted Todd. Now let me tell you about Todd...Todd is in a group called Mountain Blue, they sing gospel/bluegrass music and they are AWESOME!!! His group performed for our singles group, Jami and I had met him at the beginning of the cruise, he is a great friend. Anyways when we talked before we realized that Todd and I are both classically trained singers. He spotted me and came and talked with me and we were comparing stories of our cruise experience so far. He was on his way to the party where we could meet all the staff from the ship and he remembered a conversation we had earlier in the trip and he said "Hey April what if we meet up later and sing together?" I said ABSOLUTELY, I was feeling pretty down and was in need of some music therapy. We decided to me in the Jeckyll and Hyde Lounge an hour before dinner for some acapella time. I was so excited and began counting down the hours.
After he left me I wandered out to the Lido Deck and got myself a spray on tattoo on my foot, it was a music staff with notes. It looked pretty dang good! As I was going back to my room I ran into a girl that I met on the cruise. She asked me what was wrong and I said "well I am pretty bummed that I am by myself again while Jami is off with a guy." "I didn't come on this cruise to fine my next husband or hook-up with someone, I just came to spend some time with my good friend." What she said actually floored me, I still can't believe she said this...she said "Well you know April you already had your chance at happiness, maybe you should give other people a turn." OK...she knew I was a widow...how does being a widow automatically disqualify me for happiness with someone else in the future? I just don't get it. I was speechless, I didn't know how to respond so I just told her I needed to go get a nap and that I would see her later. What she said really bothered me. I went back to my room and cried for a while...what she said plus with family telling me that I am not properly "mourning" my husband by going on a singles cruise just really was hard to get over. I have come to realize that if people think Clint would want me to be crying all the time and locked in my room all the time then they really didn't know him. He loved life and was always an optimist...he wants me to be happy and live my life...I know this because he told me.
Anyways after I napped Jami was back and I asked how her day was, I got up and got dressed for dinner and headed out to find Todd. We got to the lounge at the same time and he had another girl with him who wanted to sing with us, the more the merrier right!?! In all actuality she has a HUGE crush on Todd and I guess she wanted to woo him with her musical talent. So we started singing our favorite church songs and it was pretty fun until the other girl started complaining about singing alto she said "Sopranos have it so easy, they don't have to even learn harmony they just get to sing the melody, so that means Sopranos aren't the best musicians." I thought to myself "Oh no you didn't just say that!!!!" So I said "You know I love to harmonize why don't you just switch me for a while." Let's just say that she was shocked that I could sing both parts, really people it isn't attractive when you put other people down to make yourself look better. But despite the attitude it was really fun and Todd suggested that we sing a duet at karaoke that night, I was all for it. We decided after dinner to go straight to karaoke and pick our song.
Dinner that night was a sad affair, we were all sad that we were going to be back to the real world the next day and of course we were exchanging emails so we could find each other on facebook. I think my friends on facebook doubled from all of my cruise friends!! As we were eating dessert all of a sudden the lights start flickering and our waiters start SINGING AND DANCING!!!! It was so funny, our waiter picked Kathy and started dancing with her in the aisles. It was awesome to see them all getting down. After we stuffed ourselves with our warm chocolate melting cake for the last time and took a million pictures I excused myself to go find Todd and get ready for karaoke. I found Todd and we picked the most perfect song...Summer Lovin' from Grease!!! We had so much fun singing together and the crowd really loved it. Everyone was singing with us and we even got a standing ovation...granted most of them were drunk...by hey we got mad skills!!!
So after I had my aha moment I went back to my room, touched up my makeup, packed my bags and ran off to find all of my new friends playing cards in the restaurant. I got to bed late that night, got up early since I had to be off the ship at 8:30am for my next adventure (a quick trip to Mexico to start Phase I of the "new April" process). I gave Jami a huge hug and thanked her for convincing me to come on the cruise and made my way off the ship. As I got off the ship I turned around and looked at the ship and all of my friends and I couldn't believe that it took a cruise to Cabo for me to be at peace with all the decisions that I have made since September even if other people don't agree with them, Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. My car came and I was off to Mexico by myself and totally and completely scared out of my mind!!!!
After he left me I wandered out to the Lido Deck and got myself a spray on tattoo on my foot, it was a music staff with notes. It looked pretty dang good! As I was going back to my room I ran into a girl that I met on the cruise. She asked me what was wrong and I said "well I am pretty bummed that I am by myself again while Jami is off with a guy." "I didn't come on this cruise to fine my next husband or hook-up with someone, I just came to spend some time with my good friend." What she said actually floored me, I still can't believe she said this...she said "Well you know April you already had your chance at happiness, maybe you should give other people a turn." OK...she knew I was a widow...how does being a widow automatically disqualify me for happiness with someone else in the future? I just don't get it. I was speechless, I didn't know how to respond so I just told her I needed to go get a nap and that I would see her later. What she said really bothered me. I went back to my room and cried for a while...what she said plus with family telling me that I am not properly "mourning" my husband by going on a singles cruise just really was hard to get over. I have come to realize that if people think Clint would want me to be crying all the time and locked in my room all the time then they really didn't know him. He loved life and was always an optimist...he wants me to be happy and live my life...I know this because he told me.
Anyways after I napped Jami was back and I asked how her day was, I got up and got dressed for dinner and headed out to find Todd. We got to the lounge at the same time and he had another girl with him who wanted to sing with us, the more the merrier right!?! In all actuality she has a HUGE crush on Todd and I guess she wanted to woo him with her musical talent. So we started singing our favorite church songs and it was pretty fun until the other girl started complaining about singing alto she said "Sopranos have it so easy, they don't have to even learn harmony they just get to sing the melody, so that means Sopranos aren't the best musicians." I thought to myself "Oh no you didn't just say that!!!!" So I said "You know I love to harmonize why don't you just switch me for a while." Let's just say that she was shocked that I could sing both parts, really people it isn't attractive when you put other people down to make yourself look better. But despite the attitude it was really fun and Todd suggested that we sing a duet at karaoke that night, I was all for it. We decided after dinner to go straight to karaoke and pick our song.
Dinner that night was a sad affair, we were all sad that we were going to be back to the real world the next day and of course we were exchanging emails so we could find each other on facebook. I think my friends on facebook doubled from all of my cruise friends!! As we were eating dessert all of a sudden the lights start flickering and our waiters start SINGING AND DANCING!!!! It was so funny, our waiter picked Kathy and started dancing with her in the aisles. It was awesome to see them all getting down. After we stuffed ourselves with our warm chocolate melting cake for the last time and took a million pictures I excused myself to go find Todd and get ready for karaoke. I found Todd and we picked the most perfect song...Summer Lovin' from Grease!!! We had so much fun singing together and the crowd really loved it. Everyone was singing with us and we even got a standing ovation...granted most of them were drunk...by hey we got mad skills!!!
So after I had my aha moment I went back to my room, touched up my makeup, packed my bags and ran off to find all of my new friends playing cards in the restaurant. I got to bed late that night, got up early since I had to be off the ship at 8:30am for my next adventure (a quick trip to Mexico to start Phase I of the "new April" process). I gave Jami a huge hug and thanked her for convincing me to come on the cruise and made my way off the ship. As I got off the ship I turned around and looked at the ship and all of my friends and I couldn't believe that it took a cruise to Cabo for me to be at peace with all the decisions that I have made since September even if other people don't agree with them, Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. My car came and I was off to Mexico by myself and totally and completely scared out of my mind!!!!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Cruise Part 3
Monday morning we woke up totally excited...we were in Cabo San Lucas!!! It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL...crystal blue water, white sandy beaches and tons of people playing out in the water. We got dressed and took our pic (yeah we had a daily ritual...get dressed and take a pic...that was how we rolled!!) and had to wait in the longest line ever to get in our tender and head to shore. Our plans for the day was to go take our city tour of Cabo. We made it through security no problem and couldn't seem to find our tour guide after 10min or so look searching we found him. We boarded the bus and off we went. Our tour guide was HILARIOUS!! He reminded me of my History teacher from High School...he LOVED the sound of his voice. This guy was either talking or singing in the microphone the whole time!!! Our bus driver on the other hand was the strong silent type, his name is Ricardo and we had a blast with him...he was always around to take our pics for us!
We drove around Cabo and went to a glass factory where we watched them make a turtle out of hot, melted glass...it was amazing they are true artists there. Then we drove to another town and had the best Mexican food I have ever eaten, toured a really old church and of course did some shopping. After we had our fun we went back to Cabo, said goodbye to Ricardo and our tour guide and talked about heading back to the ship. On our way back we caught up with some of our friends, Jami decided to go with them to the beach and I took the next tinder out to the ship and took a much needed nap.
After my nap we got ready for dinner and began our hike up the ship. I was not feeling good all day and even though we had to walk up the 100 stairs I was sweating like crazy. I suddenly realized that my ear was killing me...yep I had an ear infection. I just wasn't myself at dinner and I was contemplating going to see the ship's doctor but I was afraid of how much it would cost. Kathy asked me at dinner what was up with me, I hadn't told anybody I was sick not even Jami, and I told Kathy that I had an ear infection. And OH MY GOSH she was my miracle in disguise...she had extra antibiotics from her last trip to Mexico...she gave me 3 and instructed me to take one a day and I should get better. After dinner they decided to go watch the hypnotist act that night and I tagged along because I have never seen one before even though I should've been sleeping.
It was so cool, one of Jami's friends got chose to go up on stage and it was so funny. I still can't believe that he could control their emotions like that he had them laughing, crying, cold, hot, angry, and some were even making out with people they didn't know. Jami's friend said she knew she was looking like an idiot but couldn't stop herself from doing it. I decided to call it a night and not go dancing that night with everyone. Then Jami told me that she was going with that group to go para-sail the next day instead of with me to go do the zip line. Yeah thanks, I was freaking out about doing the zip line but I decided it this was the place to face my fear...bring it on!!!
Tuesday I woke up kinda nervous and not feeling the best but I had to get on the tinder at the crack of dawn so I had to get moving. They said to dress in light clothes because we were going to be out in the desert so I found the best outfit I could and slipped out the door. I never got tired of riding the tinders to and from because it gave me time to enjoy the beauty of that area and watch animals swim in the water. I got there and found my group pretty quickly and sat next to a girl on the curb and waited. There were quite a few people that couldn't find us so we got a late start on our zip line day. The girl I was sitting next to was in the other LDS singles group and she was from Canada and was absolutely amazing, whenever I go to Canada she said I can stay with her. I was the only one from my singles group that was doing the zip line that day...I think the rest of them joined the para-sailing group last minute, we were missing quite a few people. We drove in a van for about 30min or so until we reached our destination...OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!! We were seriously out in the middle of desert...our guide's motto was "Extreme sport equals extreme workout!!" He wasn't kidding, we got our dorky looking gear on and listened to our presentation and then we started hiking to our first destination. We were set to do 9 different size zip lines that day the biggest one was 1500ft across a canyon and about that high in the air. The first was was really short, just to give you the feel of it. I got the hang of it pretty quick, it was such a rush and so much fun. When it came to the big one every one was screaming their way across...but me...I LOVED it!! I flew across a canyon with beautiful saguarao under me I was enjoying it too much to scream, lol!
We were out there for about 4 hours and then we went back and took off our dorky gear and chowed down on nachos...there is something about nachos with jalapenos that make me a happy girl. I bought a pic of me looking ridiculously dorky at the beginning of the big zip line and we headed back to the dock. When I got there I decided to go shopping for my sisters and my kids. I had luck on my side because I ran into Kathy and we went shopping together. Kathy is the most amazing person, she used to be a tour guide and grew up in Puerto Rico so she was the best person to have since she speaks spanish and was able to help me bargain (not barter, right Wid?) my prices. She and I developed a special connection and I can't wait to take my kids to San Diego, where she lives, and visit Aunt Kathy and spend the day at the beach with her.
We finished our shopping and headed back to the ship, I felt utterly disgusting...sweat and dirt mixed with humidity...not a pretty picture, right? The first thing I did when I got back to the ship was jump in the shower, I think I took the longest shower known to mankind! When I got back Jami was there and she said they waited all day to go para-sailing but because the line was huge they never go to go so they played on the beach all day! (LUCKY!!) We got to dinner and we weren't sure what our plans were for that night, thankfully we didn't have any plans and we came up with the best spontaneous idea ever!!!
We got me, Jami, Gueller, Justin and Steve and walked out the the very front of the ship and star gazed. Ok so it might sound a little lame but I loved it!! I am huge into stars, it is something that I have always loved. We layed on the deck of the ship, froze our butts off and saw TONS of shooting stars. It was pretty interesting because you are laying on the deck and the ship is swaying side to side and it really feels like you are going to fall off the ship, it was a weird sensation. Those guys really make anything and everything fun, we laughed the night away under the stars. If you ever go on a cruise you have to do this for me and then let me know how cool it was!!!
After we were done freezing outside we went back in and went to the dance club that is open in the evenings and danced the rest of the night away. We went back to our room to check our schedule for the next day and we were pretty bummed when we realized that the next day was our last full day on the ship and then it was back to reality. But deep in my heart I was really missing my kids and I was really looking forward to going home.
We drove around Cabo and went to a glass factory where we watched them make a turtle out of hot, melted glass...it was amazing they are true artists there. Then we drove to another town and had the best Mexican food I have ever eaten, toured a really old church and of course did some shopping. After we had our fun we went back to Cabo, said goodbye to Ricardo and our tour guide and talked about heading back to the ship. On our way back we caught up with some of our friends, Jami decided to go with them to the beach and I took the next tinder out to the ship and took a much needed nap.
After my nap we got ready for dinner and began our hike up the ship. I was not feeling good all day and even though we had to walk up the 100 stairs I was sweating like crazy. I suddenly realized that my ear was killing me...yep I had an ear infection. I just wasn't myself at dinner and I was contemplating going to see the ship's doctor but I was afraid of how much it would cost. Kathy asked me at dinner what was up with me, I hadn't told anybody I was sick not even Jami, and I told Kathy that I had an ear infection. And OH MY GOSH she was my miracle in disguise...she had extra antibiotics from her last trip to Mexico...she gave me 3 and instructed me to take one a day and I should get better. After dinner they decided to go watch the hypnotist act that night and I tagged along because I have never seen one before even though I should've been sleeping.
It was so cool, one of Jami's friends got chose to go up on stage and it was so funny. I still can't believe that he could control their emotions like that he had them laughing, crying, cold, hot, angry, and some were even making out with people they didn't know. Jami's friend said she knew she was looking like an idiot but couldn't stop herself from doing it. I decided to call it a night and not go dancing that night with everyone. Then Jami told me that she was going with that group to go para-sail the next day instead of with me to go do the zip line. Yeah thanks, I was freaking out about doing the zip line but I decided it this was the place to face my fear...bring it on!!!
Tuesday I woke up kinda nervous and not feeling the best but I had to get on the tinder at the crack of dawn so I had to get moving. They said to dress in light clothes because we were going to be out in the desert so I found the best outfit I could and slipped out the door. I never got tired of riding the tinders to and from because it gave me time to enjoy the beauty of that area and watch animals swim in the water. I got there and found my group pretty quickly and sat next to a girl on the curb and waited. There were quite a few people that couldn't find us so we got a late start on our zip line day. The girl I was sitting next to was in the other LDS singles group and she was from Canada and was absolutely amazing, whenever I go to Canada she said I can stay with her. I was the only one from my singles group that was doing the zip line that day...I think the rest of them joined the para-sailing group last minute, we were missing quite a few people. We drove in a van for about 30min or so until we reached our destination...OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!! We were seriously out in the middle of desert...our guide's motto was "Extreme sport equals extreme workout!!" He wasn't kidding, we got our dorky looking gear on and listened to our presentation and then we started hiking to our first destination. We were set to do 9 different size zip lines that day the biggest one was 1500ft across a canyon and about that high in the air. The first was was really short, just to give you the feel of it. I got the hang of it pretty quick, it was such a rush and so much fun. When it came to the big one every one was screaming their way across...but me...I LOVED it!! I flew across a canyon with beautiful saguarao under me I was enjoying it too much to scream, lol!
We were out there for about 4 hours and then we went back and took off our dorky gear and chowed down on nachos...there is something about nachos with jalapenos that make me a happy girl. I bought a pic of me looking ridiculously dorky at the beginning of the big zip line and we headed back to the dock. When I got there I decided to go shopping for my sisters and my kids. I had luck on my side because I ran into Kathy and we went shopping together. Kathy is the most amazing person, she used to be a tour guide and grew up in Puerto Rico so she was the best person to have since she speaks spanish and was able to help me bargain (not barter, right Wid?) my prices. She and I developed a special connection and I can't wait to take my kids to San Diego, where she lives, and visit Aunt Kathy and spend the day at the beach with her.
We finished our shopping and headed back to the ship, I felt utterly disgusting...sweat and dirt mixed with humidity...not a pretty picture, right? The first thing I did when I got back to the ship was jump in the shower, I think I took the longest shower known to mankind! When I got back Jami was there and she said they waited all day to go para-sailing but because the line was huge they never go to go so they played on the beach all day! (LUCKY!!) We got to dinner and we weren't sure what our plans were for that night, thankfully we didn't have any plans and we came up with the best spontaneous idea ever!!!
We got me, Jami, Gueller, Justin and Steve and walked out the the very front of the ship and star gazed. Ok so it might sound a little lame but I loved it!! I am huge into stars, it is something that I have always loved. We layed on the deck of the ship, froze our butts off and saw TONS of shooting stars. It was pretty interesting because you are laying on the deck and the ship is swaying side to side and it really feels like you are going to fall off the ship, it was a weird sensation. Those guys really make anything and everything fun, we laughed the night away under the stars. If you ever go on a cruise you have to do this for me and then let me know how cool it was!!!
After we were done freezing outside we went back in and went to the dance club that is open in the evenings and danced the rest of the night away. We went back to our room to check our schedule for the next day and we were pretty bummed when we realized that the next day was our last full day on the ship and then it was back to reality. But deep in my heart I was really missing my kids and I was really looking forward to going home.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Cruise...part 2
We get to our table, sit down and introduce ourselves to everyone, I knew right away that we were going to have a fun table. I start to look over the menu and Jami says "Hey April that table over there is full of really cute guys." Right as she is saying these words to me one of the guys from that table looks over and totally hears the rest of what she says. He says "Hey do you want to come over and sit with us?" She jumped right up and went over there. Yeah...she ditched me...it wasn't the only time that happened...I got used to it after a while :) So I moved over to her seat and started getting to know everyone at our table: Justin from Farmington, 28, never married; Gueller (goes by his last name) from St. George, 28, never married; Dan from Provo, 32, never married; and last but certainly not least Kathy from San Diego, didn't ask her age, divorced with 5 kids.
I have to say that the food options on the cruise were AMAZING!!! It was really hard to pick which one I wanted to eat that night and I am not going to bore you with the details of my meals but I will tell you this...If you ever go on a Carnival cruise you absolutely have to order the WARM CHOCOLATE MELTING CAKE for dessert!!!!! I have not had anything like that before and now it is hard to eat regular cakes because that one was so good, it was so good in fact that I had it every night for dinner!!!! :)
After dinner we found out where the guys were staying and surprisingly they weren't that far from our room. We hung out with them for a little while and then headed off to our room, we were beat from our day of traveling.
Sunday morning we totally slept in until 10am!!! That was the good thing about our room not having a window, we could sleep in as long as we wanted. We quickly realized that we had missed the Book of Mormon classes that morning so we got into our swim suits and decided to hit the Lido Deck and go work on our tans. Now most of you know that I am a red head, all of my life I have tried to tan and much to my dismay I can't do it, I burn and then become white again. So I guess I should say that Jami worked on her tan I worked on my burn. We got to the very top of the ship and the view of the ocean was totally breath taking!! We were just enjoying ourselves when who should walk up the steps...yep our boys from dinner. We invited them to lay out with us and then another guy (who we nicknamed Handsome Rob) comes up and joins us. It was so much fun those guys are hilarious and really Handsome Rob was way more tan than the rest of us, I was pretty jealous.
That night for dinner was the formal dinner night. After we were done laying out we went to our room to spend a couple of hours getting ready. Yes we really took that long, looking as good as we did takes some time to do. I think the last time I dressed up like that was for my wedding and I thought it was so much fun!! Everyone there was decked out, it was so great to see all the different dresses. After dinner we decided to go do some karaoke. I decided I would sing and everyone at my table wanted to cheer me on. The song I chose probably shouldn't be sung on a cruise ship for fear of jinxing the ship but I sang it anyways...My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion...yep I sang it. It was really fun having my own fans out in the crowd after that I decided that I would sing again another night but try to convince other people to sing with me.
That night was probably one of the most fun nights on the ship. We went to the guy's room and hung out there for several hours. Justin put on his snorkeling equipment and then he stuck a flashlight in his face and we took oh...several million pics of it...I guess pretty much everything is funny after midnight. After we were done we went back to our cabin to crash because we had to be up bright and early for our first shore day on Monday morning...a city tour of Cabo!!!
I have to say that the food options on the cruise were AMAZING!!! It was really hard to pick which one I wanted to eat that night and I am not going to bore you with the details of my meals but I will tell you this...If you ever go on a Carnival cruise you absolutely have to order the WARM CHOCOLATE MELTING CAKE for dessert!!!!! I have not had anything like that before and now it is hard to eat regular cakes because that one was so good, it was so good in fact that I had it every night for dinner!!!! :)
After dinner we found out where the guys were staying and surprisingly they weren't that far from our room. We hung out with them for a little while and then headed off to our room, we were beat from our day of traveling.
Sunday morning we totally slept in until 10am!!! That was the good thing about our room not having a window, we could sleep in as long as we wanted. We quickly realized that we had missed the Book of Mormon classes that morning so we got into our swim suits and decided to hit the Lido Deck and go work on our tans. Now most of you know that I am a red head, all of my life I have tried to tan and much to my dismay I can't do it, I burn and then become white again. So I guess I should say that Jami worked on her tan I worked on my burn. We got to the very top of the ship and the view of the ocean was totally breath taking!! We were just enjoying ourselves when who should walk up the steps...yep our boys from dinner. We invited them to lay out with us and then another guy (who we nicknamed Handsome Rob) comes up and joins us. It was so much fun those guys are hilarious and really Handsome Rob was way more tan than the rest of us, I was pretty jealous.
That night for dinner was the formal dinner night. After we were done laying out we went to our room to spend a couple of hours getting ready. Yes we really took that long, looking as good as we did takes some time to do. I think the last time I dressed up like that was for my wedding and I thought it was so much fun!! Everyone there was decked out, it was so great to see all the different dresses. After dinner we decided to go do some karaoke. I decided I would sing and everyone at my table wanted to cheer me on. The song I chose probably shouldn't be sung on a cruise ship for fear of jinxing the ship but I sang it anyways...My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion...yep I sang it. It was really fun having my own fans out in the crowd after that I decided that I would sing again another night but try to convince other people to sing with me.
That night was probably one of the most fun nights on the ship. We went to the guy's room and hung out there for several hours. Justin put on his snorkeling equipment and then he stuck a flashlight in his face and we took oh...several million pics of it...I guess pretty much everything is funny after midnight. After we were done we went back to our cabin to crash because we had to be up bright and early for our first shore day on Monday morning...a city tour of Cabo!!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
I love it when we're crusin' together
Now for the moment you've all been waiting for...I WENT ON A LDS SINGLES CRUISE!!!!! Yes I did and I really can't believe I went either. I had been feeling restless and I really wanted to travel. This year was going to be my and Clint's 9yr wedding anniversary and he promised me that this was the year we would go on a cruise to celebrate. I thought long and hard and decided that dang it, I am still going on a cruise with or without him and since it was most definitely without him that I was pretty sure that he would be going along with me in spirit. On facebook I noticed an ad for the 1,000 Saints at Sea. So I checked it out and found out that it was a LDS singles cruise for 5 days to Cabo San Lucas Mexico. It sounded perfect, so I talked to my BFF/fellow widow/soul sista Jami and we decided that we were so going together.
I had lots to figure out before the cruise but the most important thing on my plate was finding people to watch the kids, people that I trusted 100% and would take care of my kids as if they were their own. The answer was pretty obvious...my sisters!!! Val already lives with me so she could watch them but someone else would need to watch them while she was at work. I called my sister Robin and asked if she would come out and I would pay for her airplane ticket. She talked with her boyfriend and got ready to come spend 2 weeks at my house watching the kids and hanging out with Val and me once I got back. I was totally excited and nervous!!
I think the day came faster than I thought it would but I had my passport and I was so ready to travel. My flight took me to Las Vegas and then onward to San Diego where our ship was docked. Jami and I made sure that our flights got to San Diego around the same time so we could go to the ship together. We ended up in two totally different sections of the airport and we had no idea how to get to each other and to the cruise ship. Luckily she saw a guy in a red hat that said "Carnival" on it and found out that there was a bus taking people to the cruise ship. She called me and told me to find a red hat guy and with some luck I found him and they were able to get us on the same bus. We were of course totally giddy and excited when we found each other and we were on our way to the cruise ship.
There is so much to write about this trip and how it really changed me so it might take a few posts to get it all in so sit back and enjoy the ride...I mean...sit back and cruise on through these next few posts...OK that was LAME!! Ha ha I am a dork sometimes, just enjoy and if you are lucky I might post a few pics :)
Once we got to the dock I was shocked at how many people there were. It felt like we were a bunch of cattle slowly being led to the final destination. We had to go through this long line to get through security and then to finally check in and get to the right ship. It was all very boring and exciting at the same time. (Hey it was my first cruise!) On the way up into the ship I swear there were tons of workers waiting to take your picture, that is how it was the whole cruise, every where you looked there was the "paparazzi" now I know how the celebrities feel!!
It didn't take us long to find our room because we were on the first floor of rooms once you get on the ship...in other words...the farthest away from where all the activities were. We seriously had to walk up 100 stairs to get to dinner and where all the activities were. I got bored one day so I counted For some reason when I counted I only counted 80 stairs but then an awesome guy named Todd was walking down to his room when I was walking to mine and he counted 100 stairs, so I counted again and sure enough it was 100, my poor children are really going to need math tutors. Anyways...
We got to our room and there was only one, single bed.We had no idea what we were going to do about the sleeping arrangements but we would figure them out later. There was a whole group of widows and widowers that we knew from Utah on the ship and we really wanted to find them. We found the girls pretty quick there were three of them in a room and three beds. Then we looked at one of the beds and realized it was screwed into the wall and somehow you could close it up and it looks like a big box on the wall and guess what...we had a big box on our wall...so thankfully we had two beds in our room, problem solved. We hung out with them for a while and went back to our room to get our cameras and go up to the Lido deck and have our safety drill and wait for the ship to set sail.
Finally after what seemed like an ETERNITY our ship set sail. It was the coolest thing except for the fact that you have to learn to walk all over again it is a good thing I don't drink because some of the drunks on the ship were worse of than I was when it came to walking. We went back to our room to check the schedule and get ready for dinner. We had early dinner and our tables were assigned to us so I was pretty excited to meet who were going to be our dinner companions for the rest of the cruise. We got all dolled up and went down there and low and behold our table had 1 older lady (who is the world's biggest angel and my new "aunt") and 3 good looking guys...SWEET!! I had a feeling we were going to be enjoying our dinners!!
I had lots to figure out before the cruise but the most important thing on my plate was finding people to watch the kids, people that I trusted 100% and would take care of my kids as if they were their own. The answer was pretty obvious...my sisters!!! Val already lives with me so she could watch them but someone else would need to watch them while she was at work. I called my sister Robin and asked if she would come out and I would pay for her airplane ticket. She talked with her boyfriend and got ready to come spend 2 weeks at my house watching the kids and hanging out with Val and me once I got back. I was totally excited and nervous!!
I think the day came faster than I thought it would but I had my passport and I was so ready to travel. My flight took me to Las Vegas and then onward to San Diego where our ship was docked. Jami and I made sure that our flights got to San Diego around the same time so we could go to the ship together. We ended up in two totally different sections of the airport and we had no idea how to get to each other and to the cruise ship. Luckily she saw a guy in a red hat that said "Carnival" on it and found out that there was a bus taking people to the cruise ship. She called me and told me to find a red hat guy and with some luck I found him and they were able to get us on the same bus. We were of course totally giddy and excited when we found each other and we were on our way to the cruise ship.
There is so much to write about this trip and how it really changed me so it might take a few posts to get it all in so sit back and enjoy the ride...I mean...sit back and cruise on through these next few posts...OK that was LAME!! Ha ha I am a dork sometimes, just enjoy and if you are lucky I might post a few pics :)
Once we got to the dock I was shocked at how many people there were. It felt like we were a bunch of cattle slowly being led to the final destination. We had to go through this long line to get through security and then to finally check in and get to the right ship. It was all very boring and exciting at the same time. (Hey it was my first cruise!) On the way up into the ship I swear there were tons of workers waiting to take your picture, that is how it was the whole cruise, every where you looked there was the "paparazzi" now I know how the celebrities feel!!
It didn't take us long to find our room because we were on the first floor of rooms once you get on the ship...in other words...the farthest away from where all the activities were. We seriously had to walk up 100 stairs to get to dinner and where all the activities were. I got bored one day so I counted For some reason when I counted I only counted 80 stairs but then an awesome guy named Todd was walking down to his room when I was walking to mine and he counted 100 stairs, so I counted again and sure enough it was 100, my poor children are really going to need math tutors. Anyways...
We got to our room and there was only one, single bed.We had no idea what we were going to do about the sleeping arrangements but we would figure them out later. There was a whole group of widows and widowers that we knew from Utah on the ship and we really wanted to find them. We found the girls pretty quick there were three of them in a room and three beds. Then we looked at one of the beds and realized it was screwed into the wall and somehow you could close it up and it looks like a big box on the wall and guess what...we had a big box on our wall...so thankfully we had two beds in our room, problem solved. We hung out with them for a while and went back to our room to get our cameras and go up to the Lido deck and have our safety drill and wait for the ship to set sail.
Finally after what seemed like an ETERNITY our ship set sail. It was the coolest thing except for the fact that you have to learn to walk all over again it is a good thing I don't drink because some of the drunks on the ship were worse of than I was when it came to walking. We went back to our room to check the schedule and get ready for dinner. We had early dinner and our tables were assigned to us so I was pretty excited to meet who were going to be our dinner companions for the rest of the cruise. We got all dolled up and went down there and low and behold our table had 1 older lady (who is the world's biggest angel and my new "aunt") and 3 good looking guys...SWEET!! I had a feeling we were going to be enjoying our dinners!!
Monday, July 5, 2010
Clean up in aisle 3
So I have this AMAZING friend and her name is Tera, I met her through the Mid-Singles group there in Boise she is my wing girl and one of my most favorite people. We were talking one day and decided that the guys there just don't ask people on dates and it was up to us to start something. Our original idea was to do a progressive dinner...we would get a couple of other girls on board and have appetizers and one place, dinner at another, dessert at the next one and end at mine for games and other fun stuff. We kinda had it planned but we needed to find a good day to do it. She was getting ready to go to a boot camp for teachers and I had my cruise coming up. So we picked the first weekend in April and then we realized that it was Easter and Conference weekend. So we changed our plan to do a scavenger hunt after the Priesthood Session on Saturday night.
While Tera was at her boot camp it was up to me and the other girls to finalize everything. We decided on a scavenger hunt at walmart, we had a list of things that each couple had to find and take pictures of. Then each of the teams had 5 dollars and had to buy a specific item to share after for the game we were going to play at Tera's house. The biggest surprise of this all was that we had no idea who our dates were going to be. We ended up inviting 4 guys that we thought were pretty cool, made envelopes with each of our names in one and they had to pick an envelope. Who ever they chose was their date for the night, which made it nice since it took off the pressure of "who do I ask out on a date and what if he says no!!"
We told the guys which walmart to meet us at and what time, we were so very excited. On the way over there I kept thinking there are two guys that I would have a blast with tonight I hope I get one of them but there is a third guy who just rubs me the wrong way I really hope I don't get him...well guess what...I DID!!! I was kinda shocked when he read my name but I was determined to make the best of it so let's call him BMW3.
We explained all the rules to every couple and off we went. It was so much fun, we didn't really have a strategy so we just went from the top of the list and worked our way down. He had to put a bra on so he got a pink bra and put it on his head, that picture is priceless!!! I had to put on boxers and so forth. We would occasionally see the other teams and just laugh and wave as we went by. Some of them we had to get creative with...one of them said to kiss in front of the fish. So we weren't going to kiss so we found two kissing frogs and held them up in front of the Flounder toy fish from Ariel and took the picture. It was so much fun running amuck in walmart as grownups! There were times that he complained about the scavenger hunt, didn't talk to me and other things but I tried to not let it bother me.
We were coming to the end of our list and we couldn't find any Mary Kate and Ashley stuff anywhere. So thankfully my sisters work at walmart and I knew that there was a kiosk in electronics that you can look stuff up on the walmart website if you couldn't find it in the store. So we ran back to electronics and typed it in and found TONS of Mary Kate and Ashley stuff so we took a pic of the screen and ran off to do the last thing...buy snacks for the games afterward. We bought our snacks and started calling people and we realized that we were the first ones done so WE WON!!! We were pretty excited about winning so we drove back to Tera's house and waited for everyone else to show up. Once they got there they were trying to say that we didn't win because some of our pics didn't follow the rules exactly BUT we were the only couple who didn't get approached and told off by management so I think that has to count for something!
Once everyone got there we ate ice cream and played battle of the sexes. It was hilarious...I think the boys cards were so much easier than our cards...we didn't know much about the guy things. So they ended up winning that. It was weird the whole time we were playing afterwards BMW3 was pretty cold to me. He didn't talk to me at all I didn't know what his deal was. Apparently everyone else was having a great time and noticed how he was acting. The very next day the girls called me and apologized for how he was acting towards me, they were determined to get to the bottom of it.
Then out of the blue BMW3 calls me to APOLOGIZE!!! I was pretty embarrassed that he called to apologize, I was just going to act like nothing happened. He said that it was a year ago that night that his wife did some pretty hurtful things that ended up on their divorce. I completely and totally understood. It seems like you can be chugging along doing great and then all of a sudden something happens that triggers a memory and can really affect how you feel. I told him I understood and that it was alright, he said that he really did have fun, thanked me for putting up with him and he hoped I didn't think he was a jerk.
All in all I think our planned group date was so much fun and I got to know other people pretty well and I DEFINITELY made some life long friends out of it. Now I wonder if we still want to have our progressive dinner...I guess we will just have to wait and see!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What would you do?
Close your eyes and imagine this:
You suddenly find yourself a widow (I know not a pleasant thought) and you are not sure what to do with your life and you have 4 kids that depend on you. Suddenly you are given an idea and you take it as long as it takes you far away from your old life because it hurts too much to be there without him. You pack up and move over 18hrs away and start a "new life" from scratch. You finally get into a big, beautiful house. You spend lots of time and money painting, decorating and making it just the way you want it. You try to get your life and your kids' life back on track all the while facing doubts about what you are doing especially when they are voiced to you by others. All you can do is pray and ask for guidance.
Some days you think we are doing great everything will be just fine other days you just want to crawl in a hole somewhere. In the back of your mind you think maybe just maybe we should move back to be around family and friends that love and support us but this area has so much to offer the kids. Then one day your oldest says "Mom I LOVE Idaho but I LOVE Arizona much more." "Why?" you ask. He says "Because we have family and friends that love us." Then you say "But we have such a beautiful house here!!" Then the second oldest pipes up and say "Mom I don't care if we have a beautiful house here...I just want to go back to Arizona...I miss Grandma and all of my friends, I don't have any friends here, plus I miss daddy and going to his grave."
So you sit down and start to make a list of pros and cons of staying a going. You realize quickly that both places can be good for you and the kids, there really is no BEST answer. You start praying really, really hard and go to the Temple to just sit and think and hope the answer will come to you. You counsel with your Bishop, your old Bishop, your Mom, your Sister, your friend who is more like a Brother, 3 other Widows (1 who is in your exact position) and try to even counsel with your hubby and hope he is listening. Basically you come up with this: Either one is a good choice and maybe you just have to make the choice. You know that you were supposed to move here for a reason and maybe that reason has already been fulfilled. You were guided to read Joshua 1:9 and basically it says that the Lord is with you whithersoever thou goest.
So my question to you is...what would you do if you were in this situation? Would you stay put and try to make it work or would you go back ?
*Please comment on this one I would love to see what you would do!! :) *
You suddenly find yourself a widow (I know not a pleasant thought) and you are not sure what to do with your life and you have 4 kids that depend on you. Suddenly you are given an idea and you take it as long as it takes you far away from your old life because it hurts too much to be there without him. You pack up and move over 18hrs away and start a "new life" from scratch. You finally get into a big, beautiful house. You spend lots of time and money painting, decorating and making it just the way you want it. You try to get your life and your kids' life back on track all the while facing doubts about what you are doing especially when they are voiced to you by others. All you can do is pray and ask for guidance.
Some days you think we are doing great everything will be just fine other days you just want to crawl in a hole somewhere. In the back of your mind you think maybe just maybe we should move back to be around family and friends that love and support us but this area has so much to offer the kids. Then one day your oldest says "Mom I LOVE Idaho but I LOVE Arizona much more." "Why?" you ask. He says "Because we have family and friends that love us." Then you say "But we have such a beautiful house here!!" Then the second oldest pipes up and say "Mom I don't care if we have a beautiful house here...I just want to go back to Arizona...I miss Grandma and all of my friends, I don't have any friends here, plus I miss daddy and going to his grave."
So you sit down and start to make a list of pros and cons of staying a going. You realize quickly that both places can be good for you and the kids, there really is no BEST answer. You start praying really, really hard and go to the Temple to just sit and think and hope the answer will come to you. You counsel with your Bishop, your old Bishop, your Mom, your Sister, your friend who is more like a Brother, 3 other Widows (1 who is in your exact position) and try to even counsel with your hubby and hope he is listening. Basically you come up with this: Either one is a good choice and maybe you just have to make the choice. You know that you were supposed to move here for a reason and maybe that reason has already been fulfilled. You were guided to read Joshua 1:9 and basically it says that the Lord is with you whithersoever thou goest.
So my question to you is...what would you do if you were in this situation? Would you stay put and try to make it work or would you go back ?
*Please comment on this one I would love to see what you would do!! :) *
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I GOT SCONED
There is this guy in my mid-singles group that I thought was pretty cute and I really wanted to get to know him but he was always FLOCKED by girls. One night he tells everyone about a 31+ dance and so I thought he is going to go and so am I!! I went to the dance he he was NO WHERE to be found and he NEVER showed up to the dance at all. Thankfully I knew another person there and we two-stepped and had fun together.
I went home from the dance and I got on Facebook (I know who doesn't right!?!) and low and behold there he was online. So our conversation went kind of like this:
Me: YOU STOOD ME UP!!!
Him: You went to the dance? How was it? I wasn't sure I was going to go but since I made the event it automatically put me as going. I am sorry!
Me: It was OK but some guy old enough to be my grandpa smacked my butt and Philip witnessed it!!
Him: Hey you know if it is a good dance if you come away with a butt smacking!! Just kidding, did you get the phone number of a HOT High Priest?
Me: Ha ha you are too funny!! I have two questions for you...#1... (I then proceeded to ask him a question about the Elders Quorum and the High Priest Group of our church that I have always wondered and he answered it for me). #2 Do you want to go on a date with me?
*Yes I really asked him on a date, I couldn't believe I did it and I thought I was going to throw up afterwards waiting for him to respond!!!!*
Him: Wow that is a little unorthodox...what do you have in mind?
Me: Well I can be a little unorthodox at times :) The possibilities are endless...go to dinner, go to a movie, go bowling. TP someones house...
Him: You are asking me on a date and making me plan it SHEESH!! What if we meet for dessert?
Me: I have no problems planning I am new here and I don't know the best places to go.
Him: Let's go to Merritt's Country Cafe, they have the best scones ever.
Me: OK how about Tuesday at 7:00pm?
Him: Sounds perfect
Me: OK see you then, see I can plan!!
I am still shocked that I asked him but I was way excited and couldn't wait for Tuesday to come!! Since I had no idea where it was I had to GPS it and it was father than I thought so I got there a little late and he was already there. This place was awesome, it was totally a ma and pa type of place and they totally know their "regulars" there. It is not a fancy place it is so down to earth and just very comfortable. I find him in a booth and he is still in his work clothes. He apologized for it (which was pretty sweet) and said he had an appt after work that ran a little long. I said that is no problem! Then I noticed the company logo and I totally knew from reading it what he did for a living...the company is Pilkington. I said so where do you work? He turns a little and shows me the side of his arm and says Pilkington. I said oh so you deliver windshields!! He looked at me for like 5 seconds and said yeah...how did you know? Nobody knows Pilkington!! I said well a lot of my married life Clint installed windshields and the majority of them came from Pilkington.
After that the conversation just totally flowed and it really never ceased. Even after we got our scones (which were totally yummy, not the kind of scones I have had before, they were more like elephant ears from the carnival) we would talk while we were eating. We had so much in common and our marriages really paralleled each other except for the fact that he is divorced and I am a widow. We talked and laughed and had so much fun and then we decided we should head home. I paid because I asked him and at the register he told the lady it was my first time there and she said well this is a nice date...you went out with a guy and lost your virginity...your scone virginity that is!!! We both looked at each other and busted up laughing...#1we had both been married so yeah...not virgins #2 we each have 4 kids.#3 we are LDS and dating with LDS standards so him taking my "scone virginity" is hilarious. I said I think we need to talk to our Bishop's and we laughed again!!
We head out to our cars and he notices my cracked windshield and I said no worries I am totally getting it fixed tomorrow. It turned out that he delivered my glass to the guy who was fixing my windshield. Then we stand out in the freezing cold and talk even more. It turns out that his mom and I ran our church choirs the same way and we have a lot in common. And him and I share a love of musicals and were comparing all of our favorites. We finally decided we were going to get frost bite if we didn't go, he gives me a hug and we head our separate ways.
I get in my car and look at the time and we had been talking for 2 1/2 hrs!!! It was crazy to me that we talked NON-STOP for that long and we could've kept going but we were COLD!!! It was a fun date and it showed me that you can go on a date with someone just to get to know them and there doesn't have to be anything romantic about it. You can just go and have a good time and it is OK!!!
I did see him again a few days later at a group date that my friend and I planned, I will definitely tell you about that...but as of last week this guy and my friend got engaged as of yesterday they aren't anymore!! I have no idea but I do know that my friend and this guy are absolutely ADORABLE together and I really hope they get back together because she deserves an AMAZING guy like him. Keep your fingers crossed for them!!!
I went home from the dance and I got on Facebook (I know who doesn't right!?!) and low and behold there he was online. So our conversation went kind of like this:
Me: YOU STOOD ME UP!!!
Him: You went to the dance? How was it? I wasn't sure I was going to go but since I made the event it automatically put me as going. I am sorry!
Me: It was OK but some guy old enough to be my grandpa smacked my butt and Philip witnessed it!!
Him: Hey you know if it is a good dance if you come away with a butt smacking!! Just kidding, did you get the phone number of a HOT High Priest?
Me: Ha ha you are too funny!! I have two questions for you...#1... (I then proceeded to ask him a question about the Elders Quorum and the High Priest Group of our church that I have always wondered and he answered it for me). #2 Do you want to go on a date with me?
*Yes I really asked him on a date, I couldn't believe I did it and I thought I was going to throw up afterwards waiting for him to respond!!!!*
Him: Wow that is a little unorthodox...what do you have in mind?
Me: Well I can be a little unorthodox at times :) The possibilities are endless...go to dinner, go to a movie, go bowling. TP someones house...
Him: You are asking me on a date and making me plan it SHEESH!! What if we meet for dessert?
Me: I have no problems planning I am new here and I don't know the best places to go.
Him: Let's go to Merritt's Country Cafe, they have the best scones ever.
Me: OK how about Tuesday at 7:00pm?
Him: Sounds perfect
Me: OK see you then, see I can plan!!
I am still shocked that I asked him but I was way excited and couldn't wait for Tuesday to come!! Since I had no idea where it was I had to GPS it and it was father than I thought so I got there a little late and he was already there. This place was awesome, it was totally a ma and pa type of place and they totally know their "regulars" there. It is not a fancy place it is so down to earth and just very comfortable. I find him in a booth and he is still in his work clothes. He apologized for it (which was pretty sweet) and said he had an appt after work that ran a little long. I said that is no problem! Then I noticed the company logo and I totally knew from reading it what he did for a living...the company is Pilkington. I said so where do you work? He turns a little and shows me the side of his arm and says Pilkington. I said oh so you deliver windshields!! He looked at me for like 5 seconds and said yeah...how did you know? Nobody knows Pilkington!! I said well a lot of my married life Clint installed windshields and the majority of them came from Pilkington.
After that the conversation just totally flowed and it really never ceased. Even after we got our scones (which were totally yummy, not the kind of scones I have had before, they were more like elephant ears from the carnival) we would talk while we were eating. We had so much in common and our marriages really paralleled each other except for the fact that he is divorced and I am a widow. We talked and laughed and had so much fun and then we decided we should head home. I paid because I asked him and at the register he told the lady it was my first time there and she said well this is a nice date...you went out with a guy and lost your virginity...your scone virginity that is!!! We both looked at each other and busted up laughing...#1we had both been married so yeah...not virgins #2 we each have 4 kids.#3 we are LDS and dating with LDS standards so him taking my "scone virginity" is hilarious. I said I think we need to talk to our Bishop's and we laughed again!!
We head out to our cars and he notices my cracked windshield and I said no worries I am totally getting it fixed tomorrow. It turned out that he delivered my glass to the guy who was fixing my windshield. Then we stand out in the freezing cold and talk even more. It turns out that his mom and I ran our church choirs the same way and we have a lot in common. And him and I share a love of musicals and were comparing all of our favorites. We finally decided we were going to get frost bite if we didn't go, he gives me a hug and we head our separate ways.
I get in my car and look at the time and we had been talking for 2 1/2 hrs!!! It was crazy to me that we talked NON-STOP for that long and we could've kept going but we were COLD!!! It was a fun date and it showed me that you can go on a date with someone just to get to know them and there doesn't have to be anything romantic about it. You can just go and have a good time and it is OK!!!
I did see him again a few days later at a group date that my friend and I planned, I will definitely tell you about that...but as of last week this guy and my friend got engaged as of yesterday they aren't anymore!! I have no idea but I do know that my friend and this guy are absolutely ADORABLE together and I really hope they get back together because she deserves an AMAZING guy like him. Keep your fingers crossed for them!!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I feel like I need to write
Honestly I haven't finished my posts about the widow/widowers conference because I can't find my dang notes!!!!! But today I feel like I need to write something and get myself back in the groove and when I find the notes I promise to finish about the conference if any of you are still interested in what I learned.
I have been thinking a lot lately about life and choices. We have been blessed with in this life with agency and sometimes I wonder if for people like me if that is also a curse. (sorry I am going to be blunt but I am grateful we have it) Normally if there was a decision to be made Clint and I would talk about it, pray about it and decide together. Then we would accept the consequences if there were any but we made the decision to the best of our ability.
Now here I am a widow, I am one that hates to make decisions anyways, I don't have Clint to hash out the details of every choice and have him to comfort me when it is a hard one. Also it seems like when you are a young widow EVERYONE has to question EVERYTHING little choice you make. I don't know if they are just trying to be protective, helpful or know-it-alls but sometimes it is annoying. I wouldn't mind if they gave advice on things that really matter like...where to live but on things like...when you should start dating it gets a little old.
Unfortunately not every answer is going to fall into your lap and you have to keep on trudging through until you find the right answer. This life is full of ups and downs and it seems like everyday you are facing something new but when I start to get overwhelmed I read this quote:
"There is nothing that we are enduring that Jesus does not understand, and He waits for us to go to our Heavenly Father in prayer. I testify that if we will be obedient and if we are diligent, our prayers will be answered, our problems will diminish, our fears will dissipate, light will come upon us, the darkness of despair will be dispersed, and we will be close to the Lord and feel of His love and of the comfort of the Holy Ghost. It is my prayer that we can find the faith, courage, and strength to endure to the end so that we may feel the joy of faithfully returning to the arms of our Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
I have been thinking a lot lately about life and choices. We have been blessed with in this life with agency and sometimes I wonder if for people like me if that is also a curse. (sorry I am going to be blunt but I am grateful we have it) Normally if there was a decision to be made Clint and I would talk about it, pray about it and decide together. Then we would accept the consequences if there were any but we made the decision to the best of our ability.
Now here I am a widow, I am one that hates to make decisions anyways, I don't have Clint to hash out the details of every choice and have him to comfort me when it is a hard one. Also it seems like when you are a young widow EVERYONE has to question EVERYTHING little choice you make. I don't know if they are just trying to be protective, helpful or know-it-alls but sometimes it is annoying. I wouldn't mind if they gave advice on things that really matter like...where to live but on things like...when you should start dating it gets a little old.
Unfortunately not every answer is going to fall into your lap and you have to keep on trudging through until you find the right answer. This life is full of ups and downs and it seems like everyday you are facing something new but when I start to get overwhelmed I read this quote:
"There is nothing that we are enduring that Jesus does not understand, and He waits for us to go to our Heavenly Father in prayer. I testify that if we will be obedient and if we are diligent, our prayers will be answered, our problems will diminish, our fears will dissipate, light will come upon us, the darkness of despair will be dispersed, and we will be close to the Lord and feel of His love and of the comfort of the Holy Ghost. It is my prayer that we can find the faith, courage, and strength to endure to the end so that we may feel the joy of faithfully returning to the arms of our Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
*Elder Robert D. Hales*
Here is one more that he says: We cannot expect to learn endurance in our later years if we have developed the habit of quitting when things get difficult now.
So in this life when we are totally overwhelmed with life and choices and are completely unsure if the path we are on is the right one we just need to remember to endure...keep on going until we get prompted to do something else. I am pretty sure that my kids are always watching me and if I get in the habit of quitting then they will learn that and that isn't at all what I want for them. So I guess I just answered one of my own questions...instead of moving back to AZ, when Joy leaves in August, I will just stick it out here. It would be so much easier to go back because I have so much love and support out there and people that are always willing to help. But I know I was told to move out here even though I don't know the reason why, so I guess I will just keep at it until I get told otherwise even though it will be difficult on me. I hope and pray that I can do it. I also hope and pray that you, my readers can keep on enduring and live life to its fullest.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
10 years already
Ok so I am not finishing my last story at the moment because I have been working on something else that I thought I just might share. This coming weekend is my 10 year reunion from High School (crazy I know and NO I am NOT OLD!!!). Since I can't make it they asked me to write a "What I have been doing the past 10yrs" update thing and I thought hey I haven't blogged in a while and I just wrote this for my classmates I will kill two birds with one stone and put it on my blog!! Lazy? Yeah probably. Good idea? ABSOLUTELY!!! So please enjoy the run down of my last 10 years out of High School!!!!!! ENJOY :)
What have I done with the last 10yrs of my life? I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime in the past 10yrs which if I really think about it I have lived an entire lifetime…I have lived, loved and lost…
Right after graduation I started school at Cochise Community College not really majoring in anything, just getting my basics out of the way. In December I moved out and into a place with Melissa Greene and Jennifer Kloos. We had tons of fun until I moved out right before I got married. I married my High School love Clinton Flake on February 16th 2001 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Umm…nope I wasn’t pregnant or anything we just decided that is where we wanted to get married and loved every minute of our wedding there. We lived in Benson, AZ for a little while longer until we decided to move to IDAHO!! In June of 2001 we headed out for Idaho and we lived with my cousin Joy and her husband Clinton. I worked at a Fitness Center and he worked as a debt collector for a cell phone company. We loved Idaho but the time came when we felt the need to move back to AZ so we left and moved into Thatcher, AZ. During this time I had two miscarriages pretty close together and it was really hard on me but thanks to a great husband I got through it.
Shortly after we got there I enrolled in the Safford School of Beauty to become a cosmetologist and Clinton quickly found work as a mechanic. On our 1yr anniversary we got sealed in the Mesa, AZ Temple and it was a wonderful time in our life. On May 16, 2002 our first child came into our life he was 8 days late and we were excited to have him, his name is Mathew James Flake he weighed in at 10lbs 12oz. Clinton moved jobs to E.A. Glass and in January of 2003 I graduated Beauty School and started working as a Cosmetologist. We bought our first house right after I graduated and moved into Safford, AZ it was the perfect house for our growing family. I shortly found out I was pregnant with our second child and had to stop working because of complications and Benjamin Harris Flake arrived on November 28, 2003 exactly one week early he weighed 7lbs 11oz.
After having 2 kids so close together we needed a break!!! Clinton started a new job at Valley Security where he stayed until last year. I started a Mary Kay business and did really well with it for quite some time. We basically lived our life happily for several years and we did a lot of traveling to visit and spend time with family that didn’t live close to us. The end of 2005 we found out I was expecting our third child and we were pretty excited. I had major problems with this pregnancy and was flown to Tucson where I stayed for 3 weeks until he came into our life 3 weeks early on July 31, 2006, his name is Nathan Lee Flake, he weighed 7lbs 4oz. Six weeks after he was born I enrolled in school with Joy, my Aunt Karen and my sister Valerie. We took 18 credits and at the end of the semester got our Medical Transcription Certificates. I started some part time work doing this but it is really hard to find a job in this field unless you have prior experience but I was glad to have something to fall back on “just in case” even though it wasn’t what I really wanted to do with my life.
After I had Nathan I was told I could only have 1 more child and we found out we were expecting not long after having him. I told Clint that this was my last shot for a girl and he better get it right!!! On January 14,2008 2 weeks early our little girl made her entrance into this world weighing in at 9lbs 10oz we named her Alizabeth Joy Flake. We had our family completed we had 4 kids in 5 years, Clinton had just bought Valley Security and I was staying home with our kids…life couldn’t be more perfect!!
In March of 2008 I came home from a trip and Clinton was pretty sick, which was surprising because he was NEVER sick!!! We took him to the Dr and they realized he was anemic he iron level was at a 7 and they were pretty shocked with that. So after some tests they decided to send him to a gastroenterologist who later said he had Ulcerative Colitis. We started a diet for him that took out 25 foods that he was told he was allergic to and if we took them out of his diet he would start to feel better. We did this for 6 months and he wasn’t getting any better and I was pretty concerned so I took him back to his specialist in January of 2009 and he stuck with his initial diagnosis. So we kept at it for another couple of moths. In March of 2009 he needed to get his first blood transfusion while we were there our family Dr wanted to do a CAT scan of his belly because he was concerned about it rupturing because he was pretty distended well that scan showed our worst fears…they found masses!!
From there they sent him to TMC and they did some biopsies and blood work and the results made my world stop: Stage IV Metastatic Colon Cancer, it had already spread to his liver. They started his first round of chemo the next day. We figured no problem we will get through this and he is going to beat it because he is only 28 and was always so healthy. We did 9 rounds of chemo and in between chemo treatments we would travel and just enjoy our life together. In August of 2009 we decided to do a major surgery that would remove his colon so that the chemo can start working on his liver. While they were in surgery they found cancer all over: his pelvis, abdomen, stomach, kidneys…basically everything from his liver to his colon was covered in cancer. We were shocked, we had no idea that his cancer was that extensive but we were still determined to fight it. As he was recovering from major surgery he just wasn’t doing well and he was not eating and on Sept 25th he slipped into a coma at home and I rushed him to the hospital and they realized he had no blood sugar because the cancer invaded his pancreas. We were able to pull him out of his coma and he looked at me and said it was his time to go home. I made the calls to all of our family and they started the trek to Safford to say their good-byes. The hardest people to tell were my children I didn’t think that conversation would ever take place. He talked and counseled over 100 people in the hospital on the next day and then he passed away on Sept 27th, 2009.
I still can’t believe that he is gone but I wouldn’t want anyone else watching over me and the kids than him. That day started my new life: April the Widow and single mother of 4 amazing children. I decided we needed a new start and I promised him that I would go to school to get the degree that I have always wanted and would make me happy. So in October 2009 I applied and auditioned for Boise State University and I got accepted. In November 2009 we left Safford and set out on our new life in Idaho. We have bought a house in Caldwell, ID and I am attending Boise State University for a degree in Music Education. We love it up here but miss our friends and family in Arizona but we visit as often as we can. So I have lived a whole lifetime in 10 years and it has been an amazing experience. I am sad that I can’t be there this weekend to see all of you but I hope you much happiness in your future. I have learned so much during these last 10 years and it will be amazing to see what the next 10 years brings me.
Much love!!
April Forbes Flake
What have I done with the last 10yrs of my life? I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime in the past 10yrs which if I really think about it I have lived an entire lifetime…I have lived, loved and lost…
Right after graduation I started school at Cochise Community College not really majoring in anything, just getting my basics out of the way. In December I moved out and into a place with Melissa Greene and Jennifer Kloos. We had tons of fun until I moved out right before I got married. I married my High School love Clinton Flake on February 16th 2001 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Umm…nope I wasn’t pregnant or anything we just decided that is where we wanted to get married and loved every minute of our wedding there. We lived in Benson, AZ for a little while longer until we decided to move to IDAHO!! In June of 2001 we headed out for Idaho and we lived with my cousin Joy and her husband Clinton. I worked at a Fitness Center and he worked as a debt collector for a cell phone company. We loved Idaho but the time came when we felt the need to move back to AZ so we left and moved into Thatcher, AZ. During this time I had two miscarriages pretty close together and it was really hard on me but thanks to a great husband I got through it.
Shortly after we got there I enrolled in the Safford School of Beauty to become a cosmetologist and Clinton quickly found work as a mechanic. On our 1yr anniversary we got sealed in the Mesa, AZ Temple and it was a wonderful time in our life. On May 16, 2002 our first child came into our life he was 8 days late and we were excited to have him, his name is Mathew James Flake he weighed in at 10lbs 12oz. Clinton moved jobs to E.A. Glass and in January of 2003 I graduated Beauty School and started working as a Cosmetologist. We bought our first house right after I graduated and moved into Safford, AZ it was the perfect house for our growing family. I shortly found out I was pregnant with our second child and had to stop working because of complications and Benjamin Harris Flake arrived on November 28, 2003 exactly one week early he weighed 7lbs 11oz.
After having 2 kids so close together we needed a break!!! Clinton started a new job at Valley Security where he stayed until last year. I started a Mary Kay business and did really well with it for quite some time. We basically lived our life happily for several years and we did a lot of traveling to visit and spend time with family that didn’t live close to us. The end of 2005 we found out I was expecting our third child and we were pretty excited. I had major problems with this pregnancy and was flown to Tucson where I stayed for 3 weeks until he came into our life 3 weeks early on July 31, 2006, his name is Nathan Lee Flake, he weighed 7lbs 4oz. Six weeks after he was born I enrolled in school with Joy, my Aunt Karen and my sister Valerie. We took 18 credits and at the end of the semester got our Medical Transcription Certificates. I started some part time work doing this but it is really hard to find a job in this field unless you have prior experience but I was glad to have something to fall back on “just in case” even though it wasn’t what I really wanted to do with my life.
After I had Nathan I was told I could only have 1 more child and we found out we were expecting not long after having him. I told Clint that this was my last shot for a girl and he better get it right!!! On January 14,2008 2 weeks early our little girl made her entrance into this world weighing in at 9lbs 10oz we named her Alizabeth Joy Flake. We had our family completed we had 4 kids in 5 years, Clinton had just bought Valley Security and I was staying home with our kids…life couldn’t be more perfect!!
In March of 2008 I came home from a trip and Clinton was pretty sick, which was surprising because he was NEVER sick!!! We took him to the Dr and they realized he was anemic he iron level was at a 7 and they were pretty shocked with that. So after some tests they decided to send him to a gastroenterologist who later said he had Ulcerative Colitis. We started a diet for him that took out 25 foods that he was told he was allergic to and if we took them out of his diet he would start to feel better. We did this for 6 months and he wasn’t getting any better and I was pretty concerned so I took him back to his specialist in January of 2009 and he stuck with his initial diagnosis. So we kept at it for another couple of moths. In March of 2009 he needed to get his first blood transfusion while we were there our family Dr wanted to do a CAT scan of his belly because he was concerned about it rupturing because he was pretty distended well that scan showed our worst fears…they found masses!!
From there they sent him to TMC and they did some biopsies and blood work and the results made my world stop: Stage IV Metastatic Colon Cancer, it had already spread to his liver. They started his first round of chemo the next day. We figured no problem we will get through this and he is going to beat it because he is only 28 and was always so healthy. We did 9 rounds of chemo and in between chemo treatments we would travel and just enjoy our life together. In August of 2009 we decided to do a major surgery that would remove his colon so that the chemo can start working on his liver. While they were in surgery they found cancer all over: his pelvis, abdomen, stomach, kidneys…basically everything from his liver to his colon was covered in cancer. We were shocked, we had no idea that his cancer was that extensive but we were still determined to fight it. As he was recovering from major surgery he just wasn’t doing well and he was not eating and on Sept 25th he slipped into a coma at home and I rushed him to the hospital and they realized he had no blood sugar because the cancer invaded his pancreas. We were able to pull him out of his coma and he looked at me and said it was his time to go home. I made the calls to all of our family and they started the trek to Safford to say their good-byes. The hardest people to tell were my children I didn’t think that conversation would ever take place. He talked and counseled over 100 people in the hospital on the next day and then he passed away on Sept 27th, 2009.
I still can’t believe that he is gone but I wouldn’t want anyone else watching over me and the kids than him. That day started my new life: April the Widow and single mother of 4 amazing children. I decided we needed a new start and I promised him that I would go to school to get the degree that I have always wanted and would make me happy. So in October 2009 I applied and auditioned for Boise State University and I got accepted. In November 2009 we left Safford and set out on our new life in Idaho. We have bought a house in Caldwell, ID and I am attending Boise State University for a degree in Music Education. We love it up here but miss our friends and family in Arizona but we visit as often as we can. So I have lived a whole lifetime in 10 years and it has been an amazing experience. I am sad that I can’t be there this weekend to see all of you but I hope you much happiness in your future. I have learned so much during these last 10 years and it will be amazing to see what the next 10 years brings me.
Much love!!
April Forbes Flake
Saturday, April 24, 2010
I promise
Hey everyone I am so sorry that I haven't updated in a while!!! I have been a super busy girl: a date, a cruise a procedure. So I promise I will finish the widow/widower's conference and everything else in between!!!!! So keep an eye out :)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
...Saurday 1 ...
Wow ok I don't know why this has taken me so long to write about Saturday but here we go...Saturday morning of the conference came WAY to fast. Jami and I had gotten to bed pretty late and we had to leave around 8:30am to get her son to his sitter and drive an hour to Layton. On our way to Layton we were just talking about what we were going to experience and hoping that it wasn't full of just 70 year olds (no offense!!). We pulled into the parking lot and I got major butterflies...I said "Jami I have butterflies" and she looked at me and said "It is because your future husband is inside". I just looked at her and laughed...laughing helped put me at ease...we walked into the church.
We got checked in, our schedules and name tags and proceeded into where they were serving breakfast. We scanned the room and I was shocked...there were so many different ages and I couldn't get over how many of them were very close to my age!! We picked a table and I sat down and a girl looks at me and says "April"!?! I looked at her and I was so excited it was my friend Jacqui from Texas...we met over facebook she lost her husband in November. We hugged and she introduced me to her friend Kayla...also from Texas. I am amazed at how many people came from so many different states Heavenly Father's hand truly was in the safety and organization of this event. I looked around and spotted my fellow widows from the Boise area and chatted with them and then it was time for our first speaker.
We organized in the chapel and our speaker was Jozet Richardson. Her husband Lance Richardson wrote the book "The Message". (I truly recommend this book to everyone!!) He was in a coma and taken to the Spirit World for a while and was taught, instructed and told to write down what he remembered when he came back to his body to enlighten others. It gave me an idea of what Clint might have experienced when he passed away. She taught us of his life and what had happened and the true message of the book. The message of the book is service. Lance was told that service is the action form of love. She is now engaged to an awesome man who loves her and supports what she does...she knows what I am going through. She counseled "don't let circumstances determine your happiness. Happiness comes from your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ." She referred to 3 Nephi 17: 6-7 and said that we have been afflicted with this circumstance but we need to put our life in Christ's hands and let him heal us and our hearts so that we may live this life to the fullest. She closed with "hang on and follow the spirit."
For the next couple of hours we had workshops. There were so many to choose from I wish that I could have attended all of them but overall I was extremely happy with my choices...
My first one was: Moving Forward and Loving Again by Byron Bair. The first thing he said was "you are here because you think I am going to teach you how to get married again don't you?" "Well you are wrong...we will be working on all types of relationships in your life." The first thing he stressed was that we need to remember that we are not alone even if we feel like we are. He then described our life like a garden and we have been told to dress and keep it like Adam and Eve were told to dress and keep the garden of Eden. He said that all of you have suffered a loss so that means that you are missing a very valuable plant in your garden. As we go through this loss we tend to focus on the empty hole and neglect the rest of our garden...our kids, parents, family and friends. The answer isn't to buy a new tree to put into the hole...because it can't be filled or replaced... but to tend to the rest of our garden and when it is time for a new plant to enter into our life to make room in our garden, dig a new hole and plant the new seed and THAT relationship will bloom and grow stronger over time. He went on to tell us how to repair our garden and get it established and blossoming again. Alot of the times children suffer the most when a parent is in grief and we need to wake up and gather them to us and bond with them again so that we don't lose them. The cool thing about his presentation was that he used Alma 32: 26-43 as an example of how to build a good relationship. Once our garden is fully established with our family and friends then we can focus on dating if that is what we choose to do. He gave us tips on how to know a good seed from a bad seed and once we know a good seed we have to: nourish it (communicate), listen and understand it, Allow it to get root (allow time to strengthen and deepen the relationship), have great diligence (apply effort and work towards the relationship), have patience (be willing to work and wait for the right season), look forward to the fruit (be ready to commit when the time comes), and the right type of harvest (relationship) will come and you know it is a good one because it will bring joy.
The next workshop I was really looking forward to it was: Helping Children Grieve and Heal by Kent Allen. This was the biggest reason I came to the conference...to be able to help my children. He is so very knowledgeable and gave me so many tips to help them and he even talked with me afterwards one on one and gave me specific helps for my children. He does a free counseling group in Layton, UT and I wish that I lived close enough to get to those. For kids 0-3yrs he said...they can't distinguish between fact and fiction so we have to tell them the truth simply. (I know this...Nathan told his Dr that his daddy was killed by a bad guy.) They are too young to have memories of their own and we need to help them with memories that we share. He even suggested to put the slide show that was made for the viewing to children's songbook music and leave it out to where they can watch it whenever they want. They crave normalcy so they want the grieving over quickly and when they do grieve they get angry and we need to grieve with them so they know it is ok. For children 4-10yrs they heal quickly and want the grief over...they may seem uncaring to you but that is how they deal with it. They tend to grieve more the 2nd year than the 1st year so be ready to grieve with them again...even if you are feeling better. You need to get them focused on something else to get them to open up like play a game or something and they will just start talking about it without even thinking. Watch out for anger, crying, grades dropping or anything else that isn't normal for the child so you can intervene quickly. I have more tips for older children but these were the only ages that I am worried about right now in my life. I learned that grief isn't something that you experience and then get over. You will experience it during different things in your life but each time it gets a little bit easier. Just let your children know it is ok to be sad but we need to keep on going because that is what daddy/mommy wants us to do.
After this workshop was lunch. I sat down with a group of people and the guy at the table says "hey you are that Arizona girl that just moved to Idaho!!" I looked at his name badge and was shocked it was Darren...he is from Arizona and we met on facebook as well. He had a whole group of people from Arizona with him and they let me know that when I am there visiting to let them know so we can get together. I guess I didn't realize how many people know me or of me and it was pretty interesting. My mind was soo overloaded and I was processing everything that I kinda withdrew myself from the social aspect. I didn't hang out with Jami's Utah group because they were always talking and laughing and I just needed my space to think. So far everything that I heard was exactly what I needed and I thanked our Father in Heaven many times that day for it. After the yummy food at lunch we had another fireside, workshop and what I was looking forward to...a panel of remarried widows there to answer questions about blending families.
We got checked in, our schedules and name tags and proceeded into where they were serving breakfast. We scanned the room and I was shocked...there were so many different ages and I couldn't get over how many of them were very close to my age!! We picked a table and I sat down and a girl looks at me and says "April"!?! I looked at her and I was so excited it was my friend Jacqui from Texas...we met over facebook she lost her husband in November. We hugged and she introduced me to her friend Kayla...also from Texas. I am amazed at how many people came from so many different states Heavenly Father's hand truly was in the safety and organization of this event. I looked around and spotted my fellow widows from the Boise area and chatted with them and then it was time for our first speaker.
We organized in the chapel and our speaker was Jozet Richardson. Her husband Lance Richardson wrote the book "The Message". (I truly recommend this book to everyone!!) He was in a coma and taken to the Spirit World for a while and was taught, instructed and told to write down what he remembered when he came back to his body to enlighten others. It gave me an idea of what Clint might have experienced when he passed away. She taught us of his life and what had happened and the true message of the book. The message of the book is service. Lance was told that service is the action form of love. She is now engaged to an awesome man who loves her and supports what she does...she knows what I am going through. She counseled "don't let circumstances determine your happiness. Happiness comes from your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ." She referred to 3 Nephi 17: 6-7 and said that we have been afflicted with this circumstance but we need to put our life in Christ's hands and let him heal us and our hearts so that we may live this life to the fullest. She closed with "hang on and follow the spirit."
For the next couple of hours we had workshops. There were so many to choose from I wish that I could have attended all of them but overall I was extremely happy with my choices...
My first one was: Moving Forward and Loving Again by Byron Bair. The first thing he said was "you are here because you think I am going to teach you how to get married again don't you?" "Well you are wrong...we will be working on all types of relationships in your life." The first thing he stressed was that we need to remember that we are not alone even if we feel like we are. He then described our life like a garden and we have been told to dress and keep it like Adam and Eve were told to dress and keep the garden of Eden. He said that all of you have suffered a loss so that means that you are missing a very valuable plant in your garden. As we go through this loss we tend to focus on the empty hole and neglect the rest of our garden...our kids, parents, family and friends. The answer isn't to buy a new tree to put into the hole...because it can't be filled or replaced... but to tend to the rest of our garden and when it is time for a new plant to enter into our life to make room in our garden, dig a new hole and plant the new seed and THAT relationship will bloom and grow stronger over time. He went on to tell us how to repair our garden and get it established and blossoming again. Alot of the times children suffer the most when a parent is in grief and we need to wake up and gather them to us and bond with them again so that we don't lose them. The cool thing about his presentation was that he used Alma 32: 26-43 as an example of how to build a good relationship. Once our garden is fully established with our family and friends then we can focus on dating if that is what we choose to do. He gave us tips on how to know a good seed from a bad seed and once we know a good seed we have to: nourish it (communicate), listen and understand it, Allow it to get root (allow time to strengthen and deepen the relationship), have great diligence (apply effort and work towards the relationship), have patience (be willing to work and wait for the right season), look forward to the fruit (be ready to commit when the time comes), and the right type of harvest (relationship) will come and you know it is a good one because it will bring joy.
The next workshop I was really looking forward to it was: Helping Children Grieve and Heal by Kent Allen. This was the biggest reason I came to the conference...to be able to help my children. He is so very knowledgeable and gave me so many tips to help them and he even talked with me afterwards one on one and gave me specific helps for my children. He does a free counseling group in Layton, UT and I wish that I lived close enough to get to those. For kids 0-3yrs he said...they can't distinguish between fact and fiction so we have to tell them the truth simply. (I know this...Nathan told his Dr that his daddy was killed by a bad guy.) They are too young to have memories of their own and we need to help them with memories that we share. He even suggested to put the slide show that was made for the viewing to children's songbook music and leave it out to where they can watch it whenever they want. They crave normalcy so they want the grieving over quickly and when they do grieve they get angry and we need to grieve with them so they know it is ok. For children 4-10yrs they heal quickly and want the grief over...they may seem uncaring to you but that is how they deal with it. They tend to grieve more the 2nd year than the 1st year so be ready to grieve with them again...even if you are feeling better. You need to get them focused on something else to get them to open up like play a game or something and they will just start talking about it without even thinking. Watch out for anger, crying, grades dropping or anything else that isn't normal for the child so you can intervene quickly. I have more tips for older children but these were the only ages that I am worried about right now in my life. I learned that grief isn't something that you experience and then get over. You will experience it during different things in your life but each time it gets a little bit easier. Just let your children know it is ok to be sad but we need to keep on going because that is what daddy/mommy wants us to do.
After this workshop was lunch. I sat down with a group of people and the guy at the table says "hey you are that Arizona girl that just moved to Idaho!!" I looked at his name badge and was shocked it was Darren...he is from Arizona and we met on facebook as well. He had a whole group of people from Arizona with him and they let me know that when I am there visiting to let them know so we can get together. I guess I didn't realize how many people know me or of me and it was pretty interesting. My mind was soo overloaded and I was processing everything that I kinda withdrew myself from the social aspect. I didn't hang out with Jami's Utah group because they were always talking and laughing and I just needed my space to think. So far everything that I heard was exactly what I needed and I thanked our Father in Heaven many times that day for it. After the yummy food at lunch we had another fireside, workshop and what I was looking forward to...a panel of remarried widows there to answer questions about blending families.
to be continued...
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
What a weekend-Friday
This was the weekend of the long awaited Widows and Widowers Conference in Layton, UT. These next few posts will highlight my days and thoughts there!!!
Last week was a pretty fun filled week for me. First Jami came over and spent her Spring Break with us which was so much fun. Then it was the widows and widowers conference that I was really excited about. I had quite a few preparations to make before I could go to Utah for the conference. I had to figure out my driving situation because Valerie needed the car to get her back and forth to work. Babysitting is always a trial when you are a single mom of 4 kids...I needed to find people to watch the kids while I was gone and Valerie was at work (many many thanks Branick and Amanda...the kids had so much fun!!). Figuring out my schedule while I was there, where I was going to stay and of course what to wear!!
Friday finally came and I hitched a ride to Utah with Jami since she was going back home and I was staying with her. She was on a committee in her ward that was putting on a traditional Passover dinner so we went to that instead of the opening fireside for the conference. It was so amazing I have never experienced anything like that. I must say that I didn't know what entailed in a Passover dinner and it was so fun to learn about it. We had a Seder...which is like a program that they do before their feast. It can take up to 3-4 hours...they pray, drink tons of wine (we had grape juice), sing hymns, eat unleavened bread, bitter herbs (which almost made me cry because they were so spicy and have so much fun together as a family. Their most favorite part of the Seder is retelling the stories of the plagues that God cast upon the Egyptians because the Pharaoh wouldn't free their ancestors. The meal was so good and so bad for the diet that I was doing weeks before and am now on the maintenance phase...but oh well I was out of town rules don't apply!! Our Seder and Feast took about 2 hours and I enjoyed every minute of it.
We were kinda antsy to get out of there because she wanted to take me to one of her mid-singes dances and it started at 9pm and was going to end at 12:30am. After we cleaned up at the church and picked up her son we were getting back to her place around 10:30pm. So we changed as fast as two girls can and dashed off to the dance. The dance was pretty fun, I felt a bit awkward at first. The only person I knew was Jami and I was a new girl there so not many of her friends really acknowledged me. There was this one girl named Jeremy who became my buddy and we had fun together while Jami was being swept away by all the guys. My mid-singles group in Boise was having a dance that night and I longed to be there. I was really looking forward to the swing lessons before the dance and all of my friends that I dance and have fun with. Once again I am shy and not so outgoing so going to that dance in Utah was pretty hard for me. When the dance got over we all went to IHOP after and Jami and I had a goal to be in and out of there in an hour since we knew we were in for a long day the next day. We did pretty good I think we actually left 15min after our goal time...not too shabby!!
We got back to her house around 2am and just crashed. I actually slept pretty good but I had such butterflies in my stomach anticipating what would be coming the next two days. I was hoping and praying that I would learn stuff there that would help me and the kids and honestly I was really hoping that there would be widows and widowers there around my age and not all of them in their 70's. That might sound mean but I really wanted to find more people I could relate to. Sadly the alarm went off much sooner than I would have liked and I got up to start Saturday morning and a new adventure...
Last week was a pretty fun filled week for me. First Jami came over and spent her Spring Break with us which was so much fun. Then it was the widows and widowers conference that I was really excited about. I had quite a few preparations to make before I could go to Utah for the conference. I had to figure out my driving situation because Valerie needed the car to get her back and forth to work. Babysitting is always a trial when you are a single mom of 4 kids...I needed to find people to watch the kids while I was gone and Valerie was at work (many many thanks Branick and Amanda...the kids had so much fun!!). Figuring out my schedule while I was there, where I was going to stay and of course what to wear!!
Friday finally came and I hitched a ride to Utah with Jami since she was going back home and I was staying with her. She was on a committee in her ward that was putting on a traditional Passover dinner so we went to that instead of the opening fireside for the conference. It was so amazing I have never experienced anything like that. I must say that I didn't know what entailed in a Passover dinner and it was so fun to learn about it. We had a Seder...which is like a program that they do before their feast. It can take up to 3-4 hours...they pray, drink tons of wine (we had grape juice), sing hymns, eat unleavened bread, bitter herbs (which almost made me cry because they were so spicy and have so much fun together as a family. Their most favorite part of the Seder is retelling the stories of the plagues that God cast upon the Egyptians because the Pharaoh wouldn't free their ancestors. The meal was so good and so bad for the diet that I was doing weeks before and am now on the maintenance phase...but oh well I was out of town rules don't apply!! Our Seder and Feast took about 2 hours and I enjoyed every minute of it.
We were kinda antsy to get out of there because she wanted to take me to one of her mid-singes dances and it started at 9pm and was going to end at 12:30am. After we cleaned up at the church and picked up her son we were getting back to her place around 10:30pm. So we changed as fast as two girls can and dashed off to the dance. The dance was pretty fun, I felt a bit awkward at first. The only person I knew was Jami and I was a new girl there so not many of her friends really acknowledged me. There was this one girl named Jeremy who became my buddy and we had fun together while Jami was being swept away by all the guys. My mid-singles group in Boise was having a dance that night and I longed to be there. I was really looking forward to the swing lessons before the dance and all of my friends that I dance and have fun with. Once again I am shy and not so outgoing so going to that dance in Utah was pretty hard for me. When the dance got over we all went to IHOP after and Jami and I had a goal to be in and out of there in an hour since we knew we were in for a long day the next day. We did pretty good I think we actually left 15min after our goal time...not too shabby!!
We got back to her house around 2am and just crashed. I actually slept pretty good but I had such butterflies in my stomach anticipating what would be coming the next two days. I was hoping and praying that I would learn stuff there that would help me and the kids and honestly I was really hoping that there would be widows and widowers there around my age and not all of them in their 70's. That might sound mean but I really wanted to find more people I could relate to. Sadly the alarm went off much sooner than I would have liked and I got up to start Saturday morning and a new adventure...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
31yrs and older
So there was a singles conference this weekend in Boise and I really wanted to go but guess what...I AM TOO YOUNG!!! Ha ha ha I never thought I would say that again once I was married and turned 21. I accepted that fact and then was told that there would be a dance on Saturday night and it was for all ages...YES!!! So I decided to go and I am not sure I want to go dance with those ages again...
Valerie got off of work a couple of hours before the dance started so I made dinner and helped get the kids ready before bed before I took off for the dance. It was in Boise so when I got there I was a little late but that is no biggy because people are always late to dances here. It reminds me of high school again where the cool people would show up late. Anyways I got there and walked in and the first thing I noticed was that they were blaring country music. I love country but a certain someone that I was hoping to see doesn't. I thought uh-oh if he hears that he is outta here. I peek my head in and look around for people that I know and the second thing is notice is that the majority of the people there have gray hair (no offense to all the people I love with gray hair!! ) My first thought was...am I at the right place?
I quickly went back out to my car and checked the address on my phone (thank goodness for Internet and facebook availability on phones) and sure enough it was the right place. So I decided to go back inside and make the most of it. I went back to the gym and went all the way in and saw two girls that I knew sitting on the opposite side of the gym. I waved at them and walked over to them and sat down and started chatting with them. I usually dance to every song played but I didn't feel comfortable doing that there so I just sat there and talked. Not long after I sat down a guy came and asked one of my friends to dance after their slow song was over a fast song came on and he asked me to dance. I have never been asked to dance on a fast song before so I didn't know the protocol...do I hold his hands? Do I stand a couple feet away from him and do my own thing? So I just stood a little bit away from him and kinda moved my feet back and forth and he did the same thing...it was kinda awkward. It turns out that he teaches at a college and has quite a few grandkids!! He was a nice guy...
After the dance with him I looked at my friends and said if no one else from our group comes to the dance they are in so much trouble!!! Finally another friend comes in and she gets our booties out on the dance floor and we got more of the older people get out and join us and it starts to get fun. Finally about an hour and a half before the dance ends our fearless leader shows up and so does some more girls. He gets to dancing and and so do the girls. Finally about a half hour later even more mid-singles show up and one of my friends is the daughter of the DJ and she gets him to play a better mix of country and our dance music. So about an hour before it ended we had soo many mid-singles out on the dance floor and alot of the older crowd were joining us and we were all having fun. Sadly the dance ended at 11:30pm and we helped the DJ carry his stuff out and put up chairs and tables and decided to head to a restaurant afterwards.
We went to SHERRY'S and I couldn't eat anything because of this pretty intense diet that I was on so I got to have water while everyone else had yummy yummy food!! We had so much fun visiting and laughing then we headed home and I got home after 1am then I though oh crap daylight savings time starts this morning. I think I could seriously do a whole blog on how much I hate daylight savings and how stupid I think it is!! So in reality I was getting into bed at 2am and I had church at 9am and I LOVE MY SLEEP!! Oh well all in the name of fun right!?!
Valerie got off of work a couple of hours before the dance started so I made dinner and helped get the kids ready before bed before I took off for the dance. It was in Boise so when I got there I was a little late but that is no biggy because people are always late to dances here. It reminds me of high school again where the cool people would show up late. Anyways I got there and walked in and the first thing I noticed was that they were blaring country music. I love country but a certain someone that I was hoping to see doesn't. I thought uh-oh if he hears that he is outta here. I peek my head in and look around for people that I know and the second thing is notice is that the majority of the people there have gray hair (no offense to all the people I love with gray hair!! ) My first thought was...am I at the right place?
I quickly went back out to my car and checked the address on my phone (thank goodness for Internet and facebook availability on phones) and sure enough it was the right place. So I decided to go back inside and make the most of it. I went back to the gym and went all the way in and saw two girls that I knew sitting on the opposite side of the gym. I waved at them and walked over to them and sat down and started chatting with them. I usually dance to every song played but I didn't feel comfortable doing that there so I just sat there and talked. Not long after I sat down a guy came and asked one of my friends to dance after their slow song was over a fast song came on and he asked me to dance. I have never been asked to dance on a fast song before so I didn't know the protocol...do I hold his hands? Do I stand a couple feet away from him and do my own thing? So I just stood a little bit away from him and kinda moved my feet back and forth and he did the same thing...it was kinda awkward. It turns out that he teaches at a college and has quite a few grandkids!! He was a nice guy...
After the dance with him I looked at my friends and said if no one else from our group comes to the dance they are in so much trouble!!! Finally another friend comes in and she gets our booties out on the dance floor and we got more of the older people get out and join us and it starts to get fun. Finally about an hour and a half before the dance ends our fearless leader shows up and so does some more girls. He gets to dancing and and so do the girls. Finally about a half hour later even more mid-singles show up and one of my friends is the daughter of the DJ and she gets him to play a better mix of country and our dance music. So about an hour before it ended we had soo many mid-singles out on the dance floor and alot of the older crowd were joining us and we were all having fun. Sadly the dance ended at 11:30pm and we helped the DJ carry his stuff out and put up chairs and tables and decided to head to a restaurant afterwards.
We went to SHERRY'S and I couldn't eat anything because of this pretty intense diet that I was on so I got to have water while everyone else had yummy yummy food!! We had so much fun visiting and laughing then we headed home and I got home after 1am then I though oh crap daylight savings time starts this morning. I think I could seriously do a whole blog on how much I hate daylight savings and how stupid I think it is!! So in reality I was getting into bed at 2am and I had church at 9am and I LOVE MY SLEEP!! Oh well all in the name of fun right!?!
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